Hello Jenny,

Thanks for your kind words.

I'd like to mention honestly here, that counselling is frowned upon where I come from. It can be used against me at any time. I can keep it confidential but my own family doesn't approve of it and I can't really keep it confidential from them now can I? And it's also very, very expensive. In US, health insurance covers everything. Here it's not the same. We'll have to pay loads for every session. I'm a student and can't afford to. As desperate I may feel at times to get some help from outside, I'll need to break a brick wall to get myself through with it ... I know this is a very negative attitude ... but that's just how it is here. Plus, I've had an awful day.

I mean, today itself, I ate loads. I don't know why. And I'm hating myself. I tried to throw up too but then realised, I cannot keep doing this to myself.

I feel so lost at times. I just don't know where to look for help. I don't like turning to anyone because it's embarrassing. People believe eating diorders are personal weaknesses. In the US, I've heard people go through rehabilitation spending hours a day. Hours is a long, long time. So of course it proves that it's not an easy cure. I understand I cannot do this on my own but I also tend to feel sad about that. At this point, NO ONE can help me but ME. And I don't feel strong enough. I just keep praying for a miracle.