Seriously, I don't understand how weight can influence a relationship. Keep in mind, we're talking about 20 or 30 lbs here, not 300.

Shallow anybody?

For one thing, if the physical and emotional attraction is based on looks, then the 'relationship' isn't worth a damn anyway. If that's all you care about, get married to a mirror, because the only person you'll be able to love is yourself anyway.

Secondly, if the partner's weight is a real problem for you - just end the relationship, but don't pester them about it. A diet/weight loss that is started because a person is being talked or even bullied into it is destined to fail. If you're not capable to give constructive support, help and understanding, then bugger off....the person in question is probably better off without you anyway.

There is nothing wrong with talking about weight, and about losing weight, if it becomes a real problem, but in a sensible manner. In a relationship that shouldn't be a problem...if it is, see above.

As for the OP's mother...that woman should be shot. If my mother said that to me, she'd be out on her backside, and wouldn't have to bother coming back.
And yes, my mother told me that it might be a good idea to lose weight, plenty of times - but out of concern for me, and in a manner that told me that she loved me and was worried about me and my health. She'd never use the word 'fat'.

All of the above is my very own, strong yet humble oppinion of course. Feel free to disagree at any time.

__________________
Time doesn't heal any wounds...you just get used to the pain.

Agree with the others on the boyfriend comment. I have a girlfriend now who is dating a man(after a divorce) who actually is very body conscious. He prefers a certain aesthetic, but she knew this as they had been friends for a while. Knowing this she never got too friendly with him you know. Moral of the story is the friendship blossomed into something more and even as a gal sitting in a size 14 he adores her. There is so much more to a person then just their outer appearance. She works very hard already(not for him, she was doing this before) to improve her fitness and I think what's more important to him is her dedication to all things she does--her work, children, and her fitness even if she's never a size 6. I think maybe we all have an ideal, but the point is that a guy worth his salt if he falls in love with someone can overlook some faults, just as women do the same with men. If this is something he harps on frequently, then I hate to say, but he probably isn't really attached to the person underneath the outside. Just thinking of my girlfriend and other friends it seems that both men and women can overlook a lot and also have sensitivity to their loved ones feelings and not harp on something that bothers them.

As a side note, I have psoriasis. I dated a man who was very forward in the things he said. Until I brought it up one day, he never ever mentioned it and I know he was curious and it took self-control not to given his personality. What that told me is that he loved me enough to care about my feelings and not just come right out say in the middle of an intimate moment when you are most vulnerable and say something. Now I want to hear the truth, but it takes a person with a lot of love in their heart to give it to you in a manner that doesn't destroy you or make you self-conscious even more of your faults. It's out there...someone who harps constantly is not that person.


And eat more. Depriving like that will only work against you.