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Originally Posted by Crazybecka88  Phew. Looks like I had a bit of venting...Hopefully no one will have taken the time to read all of the above, as I probably sound like a crazed lunatic. I'm just at a very difficult time in my life.. Oh dear. |
Haha! After reading such an honest post and then to finish it off with, "I sound crazy!" made me giggle.
Well I am glad that your life is wonderful. However, I don't think you need to loathe yourself over this. Easier said than done, right? Sometimes life is perfectly wonderful, whether we
feel deserving of it or not. And if you think 145 is a good weight for you, then don't let other people's goals get in your way. You said you are muscular. I went to college with this stunningly gorgeous girl who had long beautiful hair, nice smiles, great eyes... the whole bit. She weighed in at 155 because she was on the university track team. She was by no means
fat. She was slender and her waist was built of defined muscle. Visually, I never would have put her over 130. But that's the glory of muscle. It's that much denser than
fat that you can be a certain size at two different
weights and the difference is muscle vs
fat.
I know earlier you said that you tried hypnosis and that your hypnostic expert pushed you beyond your comfort level. I hate to say it but not everyone who works with the human psyche really should. In college, I saw three different counselors. There was only one that I ever scheduled a second appointment with (and then a whole semester's worth of appointments). The other two, in my uncertified opinion, were nutbags. The first woman was mentally in the 1980s. She was a 30something mom (
maybe early 40s) who still wore her high school cheerleading letterman's jacket. She also had a 2yr old daughter that attended the daycare center I worked at. Her and her husband never taught their daughter to walk. She was two and scuttled across the floor using her hands to push her butt in any which direction one foot at a time. The little girl's hips even formed weird because she was use to being carried around or scuttling on the floor. The daycare center staff had to teach her how to stand upright and walk... at 2 yrs old. This woman did not seem qualified to give me life advice... degree or not.
I know not a thing about hypnosis but maybe finding yourself a counselor to get to the root of your self loathing would be good to look into. The one that I saw continuously for a semester was a big contributing factor to my healing process. She didn't know first hand what an eating disorder was like, but she had the type of personality and attitude to help me, give me advice, give me mental
exercises and accountability without dictating me or going outside of my comfort levels. She came to appointments knowing that there is a difference between what a book/class/degree can teach you and what it's like to actually endure something. A therapist, psychologist, counselor, hypnotist, doctor, etc., it's like shoe shopping. There are lots of things out there, but you need to find the perfect fit or you end up unhappy (and with blisters
) Look into different people. Your gut will tell you if things will work. However, if you feel uncomfortable or you question the person's advice, then it's time to look elsewhere. Your gut will know
Happy Wednesday!
