Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazybecka88  Here, I thought 150 lbs for my height would be a reasonable goal; an incredible loss for my extremely muscular 5'7" build but I read about others on this site who are unhappy at my height with 145 and it makes me feel even worse about myself...and i know i can't compare because body type is entirely relative to one's build but still..
I'm at the lightest I have been since I was 15 years old [163] but I still feel like that chubby 16 year old who would eat next to nothing until she was alone and would then consume everything she could. I can't seem to see what everyone else sees when they look at me. In fact, it just doesnt matter to me at times. I will know when I am at peace with my body. I only want to lose another size- down to a size 8 and i'll be satisfied..but i've been stuck at this plateau for over a month now and i'm so exhausted and so tired of thinking and talking about my body. I just want the demons to be exorcised out of my body.
. |
Morning! Minus the brilliant academic mind and fairy-tale romance
so much of what you say just strikes a chord with me. First, I think one of the drawbacks of a forum like this is it sometimes intensifies our natural inclination to compare ourselves unfavorably with others...what/how much they do/do not eat/weigh/exercise, yada yada.
About the not seeing what everyone sees...I know for a fact that what I saw 99% of the time and what others saw was simply two different images - for a long time both during and post
weight loss. My internal image (which superimposes itself in the mirror) is slowly coming closer to matching reality...but for a long, long time there was a
huge gap. I would (at a size 5 at the time) be in the middle of ironing slacks for work, look at the waistband and have this sudden irrational panic-y thought "no way these are going to fit me" and have to stop ironing, try on the pants and remind/reassure myself, that the
fat chick I saw was in my head. And everytime I got a compliment I felt uncomfortably like a fraud - as though I was projecting an illusion of thinnes (does that make sense?)
I finally had to accept (for myself) that having a eating disorder and being
body dysmorphic are just firmly intertwined - it was only when I was able to put food firmly in the context of
nutrition vs. weight control that I could look at my
body objectively. I guess the take-away message is that, as strange and horrible as it feels, as exhausting and at times all consuming as it feels to do the mental work to get past it, it's not forever, it does pass and it can be overcome. Then you get to enjoy all the great aspects of your life - which will be just that much better without the food/body image issues. Just keep hanging in there.
