Well, I guess I need to journal a little. I have notice that I am trying to relive passed events in my life that involved food. I purchased the Kentucky Fried Chicken a few days ago trying to relive the child memories of my mother and I sitting at the table eating. I remember that Dad was at work for it afternoon. However, all I could feel once I sat down to eat it was disgust. My mother and father are both deceased. Therefore, nothing is the same at all. My brother being mentally challenge will never eat sitting down. Therefore, nothing is normal anymore. I wonder if I try love myself for I know the food is not quality food and very unhealthy. I know the 2b135Again is right, I need to not be so hard on myself. Nevertheless, I know my health is on the line being 269lbs. I have to stay the course and stay focus. I love the acronym for FOCUS...Follow One Course Until Successful. A big thanks to Donald Trump for that.LOL. Anyway, I did 31.14 min on the treadmill today. I had two mini...and I do mean mini muffins with cream cheese and a small egg white omelet. I will be soon lunchtime and I plan to eat a healthy salad.

The other day:

I was sleeping during a Thunderstorm and I could hear people running in the rain outside my window. They were running past my window. I guess I was still in the sleeping stage for I woke with the word ringing in my ears...FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. It reminded me of my mother and what she would tell me. These words came right after a crying spell and 5 pieces of fried fatten chicken. I am glad that I heard from the lawyer but I wasn't prepared for the pain of reliving the horrible events in the hospital and fighting with two evil derange doctors.