I need help,

I got of to a good here a few weeks ago. I posted everyday, you can check out my diary to see, and then I went on a business trip. One meal at a time I left my newly found willpower behind and resumed my overconsumption of unhealthy food.

I have gained back the weight I lost and now I feel lost. For days I have said to myself today is the day, get back with the program but I am unable to get through the day with resorting to a binge. I tell myself I need to get back to gym and exercise but each day I find some excuse not to go.

I have had my head in the sand, I stopped tracking my food on fitday, I stopped getting on the scale. I didn't need those tools to know I was failing.

My wife spoke me today about weight loss surgery. I don't know if this is the answer for me. For some it seems to work. I am afraid of surgery. I am afraid of what life will be like after. I feel like such a failure. I love food so much that even though I am miserable I am afraid to do something to myself that would possibly end my problems.

I don't know what to do next. I have battled this problem for more than 20 years and I am tired. I have had my successes along the way, but in the end I always failed.

I am sorry for this rant but I don't know what my next move is. I really don't want to give. I am unhappy and I desperately want to move forward.

Thank you for listening.

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