Im really starting to feel quite lonely at the moment and sorry for this but grrr why are their so many couples around now its winter :@ its like almost all my skinny friends have some bit of male attention so i confided in them about being lonely and they say its not because im big and that im really pretty but that I run away from boys even if I really like them and
To be honest I do
i feel really , really intimidated by them yet still attracted and the last proper boyfriend i had was like over 2 years ago and that only lasted a couple of weeks because he was engaged and I never knew, i was so nieve then .
also I have only just began to have friendships with a couple of boys but in the past I used too bullied by boys quite badly
one example in primary school was when they all used to take turns to smack my bum in the playground and then in high school a few boys used to insult me because of my height and saying how ugly i was because I wasn’t a size 8 blonde Barbie and theirs one which I think happened just after the barmen when I was in turkey which is really quite awful
I don’t know why I just typed all this out but me and one of my gay male friends had done a bit of self analysis the other day and I finally figured out why I run away from boys and why my self esteem is low it shocked me thinking of all these things I blocked out in my past
