Am feeling hungry and really cannot eat anything. I’ve got a colonoscopy/small bowel biopsy on Tuesday and today, two days before the procedure I am on light meals with no fibre. Optifast and a banana will do it for tea.
I went for a swim yesterday, the first in our local pool, unheated, since I put on weight and I had to force myself to put the bathers on and go. Pride drove me! The water was lovely and I managed 16 laps, 6 more than the minimum I promised myself I would do and came home cool and refreshed and able to face the evening more easily.
Like many binge eaters I blow it when I get emotionally upset… and so far since Thursday morning my life has been tranquil. That has made it easy for me to start. Although I am trying very hard to be assertive and let my husband know what upsets me I still internalize the angst and still eat in an attempt to comfort myself.
I like to weigh myself regularly. I used to do it every three days and keep track, but last year stopped the keeping track bit. It is amazing how easy it is to fool myself into fudging the previous figure on the scales. I am pretty useless with numbers anyway and don’t have a hope of remembering the last weigh in unless I write it down. So this year I bought a little pocket diary that lives in a bathroom drawer. January showed enough comments like ‘pigged out’ or ‘’did nothing all day to indicate, to myself at least, that something was wrong.
What is obvious is that I only feel secure if I am facing a shorter period of
diet. I can actually manage to maintain my
weight loss and stay within touch of ‘goal’ for months on end; its all to do with how I feel about myself. Holidays are always difficult. Beach towns, fish and chips, cafes lollies just down at the caravan park kiosk! Add to that
stress over family get togethers and some medical stuff and I gave myself an excuse to weaken.
Any rate I weighed in yesterday at 73.6 and won’t give in yet. Tomorrow I am allowed two light zero fibre meals and then clear fluids only till the 4 litres of muck I have to drink on Tuesday morning. My poor old bowel will I believe be windy and sore until I get back to normal…that will keep me away from
gym and
aerobics I guess so I hope the lack of food will balance out the lack of exercise. I wonder how I will manage it. I hate coming out of anaesthetic even the light dose you get with a short ‘day’ procedure.
I am going to have a swim now, look I have written it down and now will have to do it. I am posting this before I change my mind!
