Thanks, ABBA, for the support. I'm not great at counting
calories. My plan at present is to begin by exercising at least every other day and changing my mindless snacking to mindful snacking, as well as paying much more attention to serving sizes.
As I'm on already, and winding down for the evening, I may as well report on how my plans for the rest of the day went. I worked out for twenty minutes on the elliptical machine at a moderate pace (I was embarrassed at how I felt the beginnings of fatigue after only four minutes!). I then had some baby carrots as a snack. For dinner, I had corn chowder (which was made with evaporated whole milk rather than half and half--a baby step in the right direction) and a small quesadilla with non-
fat refried black beans, a smidge of salsa, and an ounce of cheddar. I finished up with some beautiful fruit salad of pineapple, grapefruit and kiwi.
I have to admit, I was feeling a little panicked and obsessed as the evening wore on and nothing more went into my mouth. Just the idea that I couldn't shove buttery popcorn and chocolate caramel tarts or whatnot into my mouth was tremendously stressful. I started fantasizing about rice puddings and such.
I held firm, though, and am now having a cup of non-
fat cocoa with half a marshmallow to soothe that empty feeling inside me and try to chill out. I know medicating myself with food isn't the best idea, but I think if I can find a way to "comfort" myself with less destructive snacks, that will be another step towards breaking free of this compulsion to devour unhealthy foods. A better step would be not needing to eat at all to feel calm, but...I'm not there yet.
Not a perfect evening, by any means. But it
is progress.
Speaking of which, I've made myself a
diet ticker! I've set my
goal to be my May 1
goal of 275 lbs. because seeing that little ladybug trying to get all the way towards 130 lbs. would be too dispiriting. When I reach this
goal (by May 1!), I'll re-design the ticker with my next manageable
goal.
