It sounds like you're going through some scary emotional stuff here. I recognize far too much of it for my own comfort, though I don't have relationship issues to go along with. It is scary thinking about a disciplined future because it seems like you're going to spend the rest of your life wanting that Twix bar or whatever and saying to yourself, "No, no, no! Can't have that!"
Thing is, I have faith that it woun't be like that. I have faith that the discipline I'm trying to exercise now will get easier and easier. That if I take one day at a time and just try to do my best for today, then tomorrow will take care of itself.
All the professional help in the world isn't going to help us unless we're willing/ready to do the work. I too am PCOS, and I went through years having just given up, thinking I was never going to be able to lose weight. I've decided, though, that I don't want to doom myself to a life of joint problems, breathing problems, and general unhealthiness later because I can't keep from shoving cheese straws in my mouth today.
I'm new around here and can't say if I'm going to be able to do this long-term. Hell, even today I ate far more
calories than I should have. But I am making changes and doing my damnedest to stick to them.
Sorry this is a bit long, but I just wanted you to know that I understand where you're coming from and I believe that change is possible--for both of us!
