It has been a week since I became a member so far so good. I did not lose anything this week but it is not bothering me. I wrote a letter to myself last week and I keep it on my desktop. I thought it would be a good journal entry so I am going to attempt to copy and paste it here.
February 25, 2008
On to days date my measurements are . . .
Arms - 13
Thighs - 25 ½
Waist - 34
Calves - 16
Bust - 39 ½
Hips - 45
Today is the day! I have been wanting a change for a few years now. I have been successful in the past with an exercise program. I felt great and was starting to see the results in my size. The first attempt I was a 14 and made it down to a 12. But something always happens and I give up. I do not really understand because I was getting great joy from my success.
One of the biggest problems for me is I really have to work hard at my weight. We have in the past spent a lot of time with friends that do not have to worry about their eating habits. The nights would be fun of fried food and drinks. I would have to be the different one and bring my own food or give in and eat what everyone else could eat. It always made me very angry and depressed that once again Tina was the different one. This is something I have had to deal with my whole life. I have struggled my whole life to feel normal. I have always struggled with school and weight problems. I always wanted to be like my sister who all things seem to come easily to her. I admire everything she stands for and is able to accomplish. She too struggled with her weight as a young girl. She is a lot different from me and is very determined and dedicated to a healthy mind and body.
But today is the day I leave all of this behind. I can make excuses all I want, I can be very stubborn and head strong. And today I will direct the part of my personality to myself. I need to do this for me and only me. I need to prove to myself that I am strong and will be able to accomplish anything. I want my husband to look at me with pride and say this is my wife and look how great she looks. Ok that won’t happen but he will be very proud of me. He has always supported me in all of my goals. That is when I actually set them. I don’t want to keep letting him down with failure. He does not care what I look like I don’t believe. It is really hard to keep failing. I want to prove to him that I can do this that I am strong enough.
Losing weight is a total lifestyle change in mind and actions. So today I start with my mind. I want to set a goal of positive thoughts and actions. I am going to get signed up in some kind of program that will help keep me motivated. I want to check out online support systems and I want to sigh up at the Holiday Inn. So those are two goals I can accomplish today! And I also would like to think that I could write in a journal of food consumption. That is probably the hardest one of all and you would think it would be the easiest. It only involves writing and being honest. Honesty is the hardest part of this journey. When it is in black and white, you cannot deny it. It is what you yourself have put in your mouth. No one made you eat that cookie or chips. It was all you and writing it down really makes it on your shoulders and no one else. So I will put out the good effort and write down everything. And with that I will keep track of the exercise that I do daily. That too is something you are in complete control of.
At this time I really do not have a goal size or weight in mind. As you can see at the top of the page is the list of my currant inches. It makes me very sad to see them. But it makes this journey that more real. The numbers themselves scream for change. And I owe myself that much. I can say I want to be a size 10 because that is what I was seven years ago. But I do not know with my age if that is possible. I surely hope that it is but I do not want to set a goal and I will only fail at. I am sick of failing. I want to be healthy and a smaller, fitter size that what I am right now. I will keep going until it stops coming off (weight) and be happy with that number. Who knows I maybe able to achieve an 8? I don’t know if I was ever an 8.
Another goal of mine is to check in once a month on the measurement and write about the journey as I go. I am not a writer but I can the best way possible speak of my trials and joys. And maybe my story will inspire others if they want to read them. But most of all I need to remember all of the emotions along the way.
So like I started with TODAY IS THE DAY.
I did it!!! Sorry it is so long. I need to write my thoughts on my first week as well. I just thought this would be a good start. Thanks Tina
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