Dear FF diary,
The weight has not been peeling off like it should. I'm at 192.5, as of this morning. I know, I know, I need to ramp up the exercise and really change my food habits.
I've taken some steps to do that this week. This weekend, I went to the grocery store and made sure I was buying food from around the outside perimeter of the store, instead of going up and down the aisles. Lots of fruits and veggies. I've been eating yogurt, apple, South Beach
Diet Granola Bar, and today, a hard boiled egg for breakfast. Lunch changes, it can be a Healthy Choice Steamer or a sandwich like today.
I know that my exercise level has to go up -- I will go to the
gym today if my plans to go out with my friends falls through (I double booked myself unfortunately).
I'm also trying to be more vigilant about making sure that every morsel that passes through my lips goes on Fitday. For a while there, I was feeling very cocky about knowing how much a portion was (the food scale worked to help me see the sizes) and how much something had in terms of
calories.
Well, I'm back to writing it all down. I'm clearly not doing something right.
I'm also a little stressed, and I wouldn't doubt it that in times of
stress I gain weight. Not because I am necessarily eating more (that's what I'm trying to figure out with the food diary) but I do think my
body doesn't handle
stress well. I haven't been sleeping well, I haven't had time to exercise, and my mind is wrapped up with work and the possible death of a family member.
Yeah, that possible death has hit me hard. My mother told me we had to pray for a miracle if we wanted something to happen. It looks like medical science has hit a wall.
I know that I find myself trying to distract myself from thinking about it. I don't want to grieve now if it's not going to happen, because part of me does believe in those miracles. But the other side of me is thinking, okay, can I be there for the worst happens? When can I afford it? Money-wise and time-wise...
Bleh. Yeah, no wonder I'm not losing weight.
But I have lost some inches since I started this. I measured myself the day before I went to the endocrinologist on Feb 13, and I have lost 7 inches over all in my
body, the most significant drops were in my hips and chest.
My belly hasn't budged. But that doesn't surprise me. PCOS and
belly fat are almost synonymous.
This is another reason I'm going back to Fitday. I need to start counting carbs. I know the theory is that it's fundamentally just the number of
calories, but I know that for this insulin resistance that I have and the PCOS specifically, I need to watch the type of carbs I'm consuming as well. And I've been letting white carbs in my
diet, as long as I don't go over my calorie mark.
Brown rice, welcome home.
Actually, I'm going to finish the white rice that I have at home, but I will be cutting out the sweets that I've been allowing myself (as long as I was under the
calories...). I think despite the fact that I don't doubt I will lose the weight, I also need my waist to go down. I started at 38 inches. I'm at 37.5. Everywhere else, I'm losing size (in the areas that define me as a woman!) and it's really the waist where this needs to happen.
*sigh*
Another day.
That's it for now. Deer is definitely now on the No Money
Diet, which is good for me too. I'm definitely not complaining. And I can't blame him for my own problems here.
We'll see how I'm doing. I'll be reporting back probably in about 2 weeks -- going on a business trip soon.
Depressingly yours,
WineDeer
