I'm nowhere near what I once wrote. Time has passed, and it has been a while. I've also regained a lot (but not all) of the weight back.
Ah. Emotions emotions...
But not all is lost! I am intent on not only getting back to a balance but making and maintaining a life style change. The positive of what has so far happened is that I did associate a certain set of feelings and thoughts with how I react with my weight and appearance.
Basically, my issues are:
- as I lose weight I often feel pressure in how people see my looks (and judge me by them). I feel limited by my looks actually. I feel as if it doesn't matter who I am - how I act, my personality etc. - people just stop and judge by me by my appearance
- Also, I tend to receive compliments, love them (but not believe them), and seek more and more (etc.) The problem is when I get a criticism, I'm all open for it. I let it wide in, and since that represents much more my vision of myself, I've let it affect how I act afterwards
- when people have told me how to eat, what to do, or how much I should lose (in day to day life) it sent me in panic. It also got me angry. And my reaction was to get even by gaining the weight back (or doing the opposite of what they said basically) to do the equivalent of yelling "go to hell".
But I'm back at a point where some have given up, and in a way, it's giving me the
energy (and feeling) that once again it's about me and how I feel. I must admit, I do feel I need to do it for me and ideally I wouldn't have gained the weight back but stuck to the idea that I was doing it for me.
But the fact is that it didn't happened that way. But life continues, so I'm set on getting back to the basics.
I have a Weight Watchers CD (which basically equates with counting points - which is counting
calories except I don't have to do math that is as frustrating!). I'm back to working out at a medium to high intensity 3 times a week (indoor bike) and alternating upper and lower
body strength
exercises every 2 days. I'm also working on making sure I drink 1 bottle of water (1.5 L) a day.
And I am intent on making this a lifelong work. First getting to what I want, then maintaining it.
