Well, I've already been in maintenance mode before, and I have no problem. I don't
diet or exercise. I believe in
fitness and
nutrition. The "hard work" I'm referring to is putting this much mental distress into something like losing weight, thinking I'll finally like how I look, when I'm afraid in the end, I won't look much different than I do now. I have a horrible
body image, and I know people don't see what I do, but I've had a very hard time accepting my
body type. I'm fuller than I'd like to be, and I am in no way striving to fit in a size 2. I simply want my best
body, and right now there's two to three
pounds of excess
fat that jiggles around on my stomach. I'm very uncomfortable with it, and despite how strong and healthy I feel, it holds me back. I fear intimacy in the future and not being able to ever be confident in a bikini. I don't want to have to worry about those things. It's not the excess
fat that's my problem, it's trying to find a way to accept my
body and its structure, meanwhile doing what I can to lose my last remaining poundage. I find it almost impossible right now because I tend to either try to accept my
body and not lose weight, or hate my
body and try to lose weight. Can't there be a way to love my
body and try to lose weight at the same time? Are those two ideas too conflicting? I'm so confused.
