This is just my personal opinion, but if my boyfriend issued me the ultimatum to work out with him or break up, I would kick his ass to the curb so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. There are ways to address a problem and ways not to address a problem. This sounds like one of the latter. Ultimatums are relationship suicide.
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If it did affect how she was attracted to me, then I would hold myself under the exact same standards that I held her to.
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It probably
did affect the way she was attracted to you, she just wasn't cruel enough to say anything about it to your face.
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The point is that no one should "settle" for someone lower than their standards as far as looks go. Everyone has the right to maintain whatever standards they choose, no matter how high or low; and no matter how they look themselves as long as their partner reciprocates a relative congruent attraction.
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I agree. But I think that trying to force your standards on someone who doesn't match them to begin with is petty. Especially since your standards obviously shifted. So far your story sounds like: I was
fat, she was
fat, I lost weight, she refused to follow suit, I broke up with her. (Correct me if I'm wrong. That's just how it comes off.)
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I also don't think it makes me a bad or shallow person to have this perspective.
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I don't think it makes you a bad person. But especially considering that you had your own weight problems in the past, I do think it make you a little shallow.
I do agree with you as far as attractiveness goes though. I'm much more attracted to fit men than overweight men, and I think that's true for the general female population (for the most part).
If you are not sexually attracted to someone, you shouldn't stay with them. But I don't think you should try to force them to fit your standard for physical beauty either. Not if you ever loved them for anything else other than their looks to begin with.
Anyway, I'm not dogging you for your standards. I have high standards too. I just think breaking up with someone over 20 or 30
pounds is a little extreme.
