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Originally Posted by reluctantcabbie  I'm sort of going through this from the other side if you will? I'm the husband, and I've been doing my best to lose weight (it is working overall). Here is the thing, my wife also needs to lose some weight (god I hate saying things like that). I love that woman with every breath I take, and I'll love her no matter what either of us weighs. The thing is, I know we'd be able to do more, and enjoy life more if we both took better care of ourselves.
How do I gently push her in that direction, without sounding like I'm telling her what to do? I'll be her biggest cheerleader when she's moving forward, and her biggest support group on the occasions when she falls (we all do!!).
On another note, your keeping a great diary. I'll be following it when I check in. don't keep your feet flat!! |
First off, latest update (I'm weighing in on Sundays) and I'm down to 205! Not bad for another week, I'm shooting for under 200 by my birthday which is in 2 weeks so I've got some work ahead of me! Picked up a volleyball AND softball league so I'll stay busy. Plus, we're moving again in a month (that makes 12 between me and my husband during the last 6 years...)
Must be my gypsy blood.
Now, Reluctantcabbie, the best motivator you can be for your wife is telling her what she wants to hear without her having to tell you what that is.
Wheels spinning?
Let me let you in a little on the way women think (and that book is longer than you'll be able to finish in a lifetime, my friend, so just hang in there!) We don't want to be told we need to be fixed. Unfortunately, we already know that and it is on our minds probably every 10 minutes during the course of a day. 'Hair's messed up, shoes don't match, need to drop weight, crap I'm breaking out again,' whatever. It's always on our mind. What we love is looking forward to the future: what we're going to be AFTER we've fixed it! So, what you need to do is focus on that second half. Leave the first half to her.
First, assuming you two are best friends like you SHOULD be, you're going to play a huge part in her
weight loss. If you both like
sports, or nature, get her into a co-ed league or suggest walks. NOT because of the exercise, but because "it sounds like fun" "we need to get out of the house" "I miss fresh air" "the squirrels are out" ANYTHING but
"we could both stand to drop a few pounds."
Second, find out what her dreams are for HER future. She will be the one working toward her
goal, not you, so she needs to have the inner motivation, the trick is finding it. Does she want to be able to chase kids on a beach in a bikini? Does she want to do a big project that might require more
energy and time (that she would have if she were healthy?)
Third, you have to be on the same page as far as your
diet is concerned. My husband has been very supportive (he hides his cookies, now) and has actually lost some weight just due to my cooking. (I'm doing the week
body makeover by Michael Thurmond, I highly recommend it).
Fourth, and this one's a jewel because it's very personal and most women won't admit this, but she wants to be desired. She wants to feel sexy. There's something that my husband admitted he really wants to do to me that I can't necessarily do at the moment.. but I'll be able to once I'm at my
goal weight. Tell her about your fantasies for HER and things like that tend to occupy the mind in place of food, often times.
Minus86: definitely stay in touch if your goals are similar to mine! I have failed one too many times and for some miraculous reason, my brain doesn't see anything but my May 1st
goal. For once.
Some things that are happening because I've stuck with it:
-my pants are looser
-I can wear a couple shirts that used to profile my stomach more than I'd like
-My husband is not nagging me about exercising anymore, so our relationship is much happier
-I've inspired my sister to get herself healthy again (we are SO going shopping next summer... I can't wait to have my own life-sized barbie to try clothes on!)
That's all for today, I'll try and update again Sunday night or Monday. Until then, don't just hang in there, keep moving!
