sometimes - what helps get you toward the answer... is taking a back road and asking yourself why you want to lose weight.... and if you say it's because you want to be healthy -I'll probably roll my eyes and giggle at you becaue you know deep down that's not why... Once you geto to the why's you want to... the whys you don't want t o become a lot more clear...

Free association sometimes helps... spend some time in a bubble bath and talk to yourself....

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“Knowledge is power” – Sir Francis Bacon, philosopher
“Knowledge shared is power multiplied”, Robert Noyce, co-inventor of the semiconductor, co-founder of Intel

I think this is one of the most thought provoking awesome threads I've seen so far. I started to do the exercise last night before work though and had to stop. I got some pretty good answers...not sure I'm ready to post all of them yet...or think about them too much yet but I will. I guess since joining this forum I've done some soul searching and had to face some cold hard truths already.

I will say that I definitely know I use my weight as a defensive barrier. I don't really want to say that it's my way of being a cop out...but I guess it is. I can live my life on the outer edges and be left alone...and I certainly don't think as a heavy person I'm held accountable socially by the same rules. I use it, although unsuccessfully, to keep people from getting too close. I do know that I try to keep walls up other ways as well because I'm just so tired of being hurt by people. And yet ultimately I'm hurting myself just as much as anyone else by this destructiveness. Maybe the skinny people with anger management issues that just go around punching people have the better idea, lol.

Well I think I'll let this sit for now...it's well worth coming back and thinking over again in the near future. Like I said...I'm just not ready to dig it all up right now.

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I am amazed (and grateful) at how much this one little thread has caused me to internalize and really dig into the issues behind weight loss. This one is going to stick with me for some time.

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~tiffany

Size 14, I've got your number!!

This discussion has been awesome. I did sit down and write out my 25 reasons. What keeps coming to the top is fear of failure and that I may just not be good enough. I grew up with a perfectionist mom. You know the type, they tell you to make your bed, you do, then after you leave, they re-make it because it wasn't done "right". That really sticks with a person. The interesting thing, is she is heavy and has many health issues related to to her weight.

Part of me wants to lose the weight, so "I don't go there". However, I think I struggle because I feel as though, even when I get the weight off, it won't be good enough. So I'm trying to deal with that issue first.

I do believe that is where the fear of failure part comes in as well. If I don't lose, I can't fail, I can't be thought of as not being good enough. Huge destructive circle.

I will continue to plug along. I know for a fact, that while I'm trying, I'm not gaining and that is good.

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Wow, never heard this said so sweetly... thank you! You're right!

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Wow, we all seem to have been provoked to insight.

I thought about my reason all day and finally I discussed it with my husband late last night. I think he has got me pegged. He said that he thinks I am afraid that I will not reach my goal. Here is the thing: I have set a goal of 150 pounds for my 5' 9''. The problem is that if I look healthy at 155 or 160 it will still not be good enough for me. I will never be satisfied with that and if I do not get there I will never be truly satisfied. I will be just as obsessed with weightloss at 160 pounds as I am at 200 as I was at 260. I guess somewhere inside me I can justify that if I am going to be just as unsatisfied at goal as I am now then I might as well stay here and not put in all the hard work.

Hmmmmm...I have some more thinking on it to do, but I am pretty sure I am on the right track now...thanks to dh.


By the way, I am really enjoying reading what the rest of you have to say about your ponderings. Thanks for sharing!

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~tiffany

Size 14, I've got your number!!

this is sort of true.
when i was younger i gained weight not just because i didn't care or whatever but because i didn't like the attention i got from guys that were just creepy(NO CUTE ONES AT ALL!) so i just kept eating more and continued to make unhealthy decisions.
your self-esteem may be very low and you might actually feel undeserving of weight loss <--that's another true one too.