Haha. Tact is overrated anyway.

Oh, you know, just another excuse. A number of people I was close to all died around the same time, and I chose to respond by becoming apathetic.

Around that time I was sitting at about 170-180 but didn't look much better physically than I do now because of how I got there and my general lack of strength activity. I was able to stay there for some time prior to my re-gain because as far as I can tell maintenance is something my body seems highly biased toward. I have to be doing something dramatic to move one way or the other. How I got to 170 from 280 was to simply eat very little (this amount or less for months and months) while adding and maintaining a very high level of activity.

So when I say a history I mean that I know what will work for me. And yet for the most part I avoid those conditions because I know they are not the best choice long-term. It's a little rough at times, though, psychologically, weight training every other day with the knowledge that if I simply stopped my weight would decrease quickly. And this in spite of my hammered-in awareness that scale weight is not a good metric.

Now if you want to know what happened fairly recently, I simply got lazy, I'm ashamed to say. A good life, a loving woman and no cemented (in my mind) reason to shed excess weight will do that to ya. Or even just the last part.

In a way I am. Not intentionally, but I think in a sense we all do, don't we?

For several months I consumed nothing but large quantities of pizza and pop daily and maintained. Then I consumed half or less of those calories and exercised a lot, yet did not lose any weight. And certainly did not see the kind of physical changes that would be evident had I gained significant amounts of muscle and lost significant amounts of fat simultaneously.

At the same time I have recently switched from a balanced diet to a ketogenic. So, essentially, I am researching what works for me. If eating starvation calories allows me to lose significant amounts of fat and continue my exceptional strength gains, well, then, experiment successful. :P

If not, then as mentioned it's on to the Velocity Diet. From which it is necessary to transition to a very clean whole foods diet that I will cause to be one with lots of fiber, and see if that makes any difference.

Should none of these changes make any appreciable difference, well, then the findings indicate that my body will just do what it wants, and at its own speed, with unusually little regard for macronutrient composition or quantity. At which point I will simply have to resign myself to waiting patiently. (And I really hope that does not turn out to be the case. I'm not accustomed to bearing with mediocre results. )

Hey focus, we've all been there...choosing to do less than we are capable. Just dust yourself off and get rockin

Already have. But still I <3 you.

I was gonna rep you and say this, but I hope you don't think I've been ignoring or avoiding your journal. I just never know what to say, and then I feel like I'm coming across as lecturing and then I feel like a jerk. I think you are a wicked cool lady and I wish you all the best. Just gotta take things one step at a time, and like you just said, never surrender.