I just wanted to say first of all, that I love a group like this. I love being healthy staying fit and telling my story to people. With that said I just wanted to tell my story about why and how I lost the weight. You pretty much get the basic jist of it with my last post, but here it goes.

Ever since middle school I had a HARD time fitting in because of my weight and my sexuality. I was about 12 years old and about 250 at that time and I would always get made fun of, if not for how fat I was, it was how gay I was. I was called names like "titie boy" "big shirley", fat boy, fat fuck, fat ass.
I remember one time, I was the "waterboy" of the middle school football team, and I went to the locker room to look for my friend and this guy comes up to me grabs me then "man-boobs" infront of the whole football team and goes "LOOK HIS TITIES ARE BIG AS HELL" and also one time in 7th grade, my class went to Golden corral and I wanted to sit with the "cool kids" well I went over there and said hey and they went "no maurio, you can't eat off our plates". The list goes on and on. It's funny how all of that ridicule did not affect me. Yes, I was sad but I was ok with being big.

Finally at 17 and at a more liberal high school, I decided to come out, and was excited to feel like I had a place to call home, a group of people i could relate to. 315lbs at the time, I still had a hard time finding a place to fit in, even though I transfered high schools. Well one day, I decided to apply to this 'Rate-me" community on LiveJournal called "cutegayboys". Basically, what that was was you would put your picture up and the guys there would vote Yes you're cute or No you're not. Well, I got a whole lot of No's and a whole lot of comments:

"Get on a fuckin treadmill and take the dorritos bag out of your hand"
and
"Blame yourself for being overweight, and blame your parents, they let you get that way"

This of course devestated the crap out me , b/c at the time I felt like I didn't fit in there either.I also felt like this was the only way I was going to get a man, and no guy would ever want me being 315lbs. So at 17, vulnerable and just willing to do ANYTHING to be accepted I decided to lose the weight.

I started running briefly around my neighborhood and walking and running, basically doing intervals. I remember doing my first mile non-stop. I was estatic. Once I got my MP3 player running became fun, it became something that I looked forward to do and wanted to do. It wasn't until my freshman year in college when I started to run harder and longer because I felt like I had to.

120lbs gone

Now that i'm somewhat skinny I see myself having a hard time accepting it. Because i've been fat all of my life. That's all I knew what to be? And the fact that gay men are so superficial doesn't help the sitch either. You'd be so suprise how many guys would still say i'm fat. I guess my biggest fear now is that if I go around thinking that I look better now, that i'm skinnier, someone is going to put me down because there's always been that person to say "Actually, you really aren't", When I used to think i was a good drawer I was told "actually, you aren't" when I wanted to write plays and had plot ideas that I thought were good, people said "no, they are stupid". The truth was, there were right, now that i'm looking back. If I were to say I'm skinny now and someone goes "No you're not" I don't think I could live with that, especially working as hard as I did. I don't know, i'm rambling.

I will admit, losing weight to be more attractive to men may have been a crappy ass reason for me to lose weight, but at the same time, it was the only thing that got my 315lb ass up, out a running and moving and taking care of my body, when nothing else did. My weight loss having given me the privelege to go to clothing stores and find stuff that's actually my size, longer life, and being on the cross country team.

Not my health, not anything.
At 21, I guess you could say now that I sorta am starting to find my place in this world.

ok, i just need to rant so i'll leave you with this quote

"Life doesn't always guarantee anything. I can't guarantee that you'll fit in those size 7 jeans, I can't guarantee that you'll get washboard abs and I can't guarantee that you'll have the figure of a model. What I can guarantee is that if you keep working at it, excercising harder, eating right, you will be able live with yourself knowing that you died trying"

Thanks for sharing all that. lol I guess I can relate to you with one of my motivating factors wanting to be more attractive to guys. Its not politically correct to say, but its true. The important thing is getting healthy and being comfortable with yourself, whatever motivation it takes to get to that is worth it.

Congratulations on your incredible weight loss. It's so amazing to me when I see people who have lost over 100lbs, it really is rare. According to some study, only 1% of "morbidly obese" or people who need to lose at least 100lbs actually ever do. So, you beat the odds because of all your hard work. Be proud of yourself

Let me just say thank you for sharing your story. I know it took tremendous courage for you to do so! I can't say that I know what you have went through b/c I don't. I did have my own issues growing up, however they were with my mother. She has told me I need to lose weight, and I can even remember her not letting me have butter on my bread at dinner like the rest of the family. I also believe she was a closet bulimic. And I don't necessarily think that your reason for wanting to lose weight is "bad". I think as long as you set your mind to it and you actually lose the weight it doesn't really matter the reason you decided to do it. You can now decide to continue to lose weight or stay where you are based upon what YOU want. If you are more comfortable staying the weight you are at instead of losing more than I say you should do what makes you happy. If a man will only love you if you lose weight then you shouldn't be with him in the first place. Being a woman in today's society is also difficult, especially with the media saying we're all too fat...and I myself have lost weight in the past just to look good for a man. Hopefully now I can continue to do this for ME. I think you should be very proud of what you have achieved in spite of the adversity you've had to go through. I am proud of you, and if you ever need any support Im here for you!

Hey Jared............I think you are totally better than the b*tch who have put you down......and if wantin a man gets you motivated......good........who is anyone to judge anyone elses reasons to loose the fat??? Wanting to attract a mate is a pretty good reason to get healthy and HOT!!!! And don't worry, not all gay dudes are superficial and snotty (although i'v met a few!!) so just keep up the great attitude and doin what your doin dude!!!
thanks for postin keep on keepin on man!!
STAR

Bravo for dropping 120 pounds----what an inspiration you are!!!

Now, sometimes I'm really good at this advice and sometimes I really suck at it but I'm going to say it anyway: Who gives a rats ass what someone else thinks of you. If you like you, then that's all that matters. Not all gay men are that foolish---you'll find the right one, the one who values you for who you are and not what size pants you wear. Chin up Jared, you've done what millions of 'over-weight' people can't do...you've lost the weight and now your a thin, 21 year old man in the prime of your life---sit back and enjoy the ride---and push off everyone else who makes you feel like shit, they don't deserve your attention.

Are you from an area in or around the Appalachian Mountains?

Jared,

Absolutely inspirational story and I can sought of relate the harassment in school (school kids are horrible)

Congratz at the weight loss...and dont' worry, you'll find someone out there for you

Thanks for the message GCjared. Losing weight isn't easy and I sincerely congratulate you. :-)

oh honey im so sorry for that crap you had to listen to.. but good for you. thats A LOT of weight.. you should be so proud of yourself. i think in all of us (even if we dont admit to it) want to loose the weight to be more "attractive" and theres nothing wrong with that... but i hope thats not the only reason for the weight loss.. because you can be stick thin and still be unhappy.

Actually vanity is one of the big reasons people start losing weight. I did it to be more attractive to girls, but like when the weight loss started getting good, i realized how much better I felt getting up in the morning, and how much mroe energy I had and how much better my body could move. As time went on, girls became less important and I just did it to better myself. It's a phase i guess :P