[nataliejo]

Originally Posted by veronandez86

Natalie Jo,
I agree with what Hope said about being confused. Just try and take it easy with Jay and Derek. I dont want to see you get hurt. Plus, I also think that you need to really sit down and evaluate what it is about each guy you really like and it must be hard to do that if you said that you are kinda seeing them both at the same time.



So Ladies and Kevi,

I have been hanging out with Sean this whole beginning part of the week, pretty much. We are still at the getting to know eachother phase, but I think that things are going to go good for us. He is honestly showing much interest in me and has even asked to go with me to the doctors appointment I had the other day and offered to go to my follow up appt in 2 weeks. He's sweet. He's already said that he wanted to be my boyfriend, but I'm a bit afraid to jump into something so soon with him. I mean, I really really like him alot, but I want to know him better before making a comittment of being more than just friends. I think holding back on jumping into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is wise, how bout you all?

Hey Veronica!
No rush needed. Get to know him if you please

thats what I was doing with Jay and Derek. But I have gotten to know them enough I think to know who
I would want to be with if something was to happen. Derek kind of revealed himself yesterday. I wont say how, but lets just say the naughty is a big part on being in his mind and the other stuff is lagging behind. Whereas with Jay, we havent slept together for two weeks, just cuddled and watched some anime last time. No pressure with him. Lots of pressure for something I dont think I want from Derek. So tuff decision, not much. I talked with Derek last night and it was enough to realize what I wanted and its a friendship with Jay. If Derek can't be my friend because I wont sleep with him, than he isnt worth a friendship, u know

but Veronica, your right on top of things. Getting to know someone is a good idea, but it sounds like you two are doing awesome! Happy for you hun!
Keep it up and have fun!

love yas
natalie jo

[Kevi12]

Man, i'm the only guy/boy! gah lol, but I feel so special "Ladies and Kevi" makes me smile lol

It was some good drink man, but i'm heading out now. I gotta hit the gym I feel like i gained a couple of lbs in 4 days lol. Peace ya'll

[nataliejo]

Originally Posted by Kevi12

Man, i'm the only guy/boy! gah lol, but I feel so special "Ladies and Kevi" makes me smile lol

It was some good drink man, but i'm heading out now. I gotta hit the gym I feel like i gained a couple of lbs in 4 days lol. Peace ya'll

lol "Ladies and Kevi" I think you are the only male counterpart in these neck of the woods, unless there are lurkers Kevi, which sometimes there are ...

but anyway you have a gtime at the gym!

laterz
Natalie jo

[nataliejo]

Hello everyone,
Well I got a kiss from Derek and felt ... nada ...

And I snuggled with Jay last night and felt Alotta something with the old emotions.

Derek is definitely a friend. Spent the afternoon with him.

Going to see Jay later, don't know when later is, but probably next Tuesday or Wed. He works morning and nights on Friday and Saturday, is off Sunday night and than Monday through Friday works 6 am to 6 pm ...talk about long hours ...

He works at a machine shop making computer parts and he also works for the Daily Democrat at night on Friday and Saturday.

So I will see him at the beginning or mid next week. Looking forward to it ... more snuggling and cuddling ...and he left his smell on my pillow last night .. yum ..it smells so good .... oh girls .. I think I am in love with Jay... I just have this sparky feeling inside for Jay and I know it isnt lust, because we havent slept with each other for a couple weeks ... its luv!

But Derek ..hm ...friend!

well I did a three mile walk and might do more later, don't know yet, its rather warm ..and I am rather red .. I know .. I know ..sunscreen... today was not a planned walk .. I was walking back from Derek's karate group to home .. my mom was late picking my butt up ..at least I got a work out .. I am sweating up a storm ... time to go relax and drink plenty of water ...

love yas
always
natalie jo

[veronandez86]

Originally Posted by nataliejo

Hello everyone,
Well I got a kiss from Derek and felt ... nada ...

And I snuggled with Jay last night and felt Alotta something with the old emotions.

Derek is definitely a friend. Spent the afternoon with him.

Going to see Jay later, don't know when later is, but probably next Tuesday or Wed. He works morning and nights on Friday and Saturday, is off Sunday night and than Monday through Friday works 6 am to 6 pm ...talk about long hours ...

He works at a machine shop making computer parts and he also works for the Daily Democrat at night on Friday and Saturday.

So I will see him at the beginning or mid next week. Looking forward to it ... more snuggling and cuddling ...and he left his smell on my pillow last night .. yum ..it smells so good .... oh girls .. I think I am in love with Jay... I just have this sparky feeling inside for Jay and I know it isnt lust, because we havent slept with each other for a couple weeks ... its luv!

But Derek ..hm ...friend!

I'm glad you found out which one you want to be with more. So, what kind of cologne does Jay wear that he smells so good? LoL.

I'm a sucker for Stetson Cologne and Hugo Boss. Those both smell yummy to me!

I'm glad you are happy Nat. You diserve it. You are such a great kindhearted person.

I hope me and Sean get to have what you call love. I can see myself falling for him. OH, and cuddling is the best. I think Sean is the first guy I've been with who likes to cuddle.

Oh, and does anyone know anything about World of Warcraft? Sean's a W.O.W. Geek. He tried to get me to understand it the other day, but it just doesn't interest me.

Take Care Natalie!!

[nataliejo]

Originally Posted by veronandez86

I'm glad you found out which one you want to be with more. So, what kind of cologne does Jay wear that he smells so good? LoL.

I'm a sucker for Stetson Cologne and Hugo Boss. Those both smell yummy to me!

I'm glad you are happy Nat. You diserve it. You are such a great kindhearted person.

I hope me and Sean get to have what you call love. I can see myself falling for him. OH, and cuddling is the best. I think Sean is the first guy I've been with who likes to cuddle.

Oh, and does anyone know anything about World of Warcraft? Sean's a W.O.W. Geek. He tried to get me to understand it the other day, but it just doesn't interest me.

Take Care Natalie!!

My friend has a WOW site lol her myspace is set to one of her characters lol
wow ...

So Jay just wants to be friends, but doesnt like hearing about other men. Much said, much said ... hmm

So I can count that out and nada with Derek ..so that leaves me

Single!

which is ok ... I think ...yes it is ...if thats what it must be .. I am totally cool going it on my own lol

except a little fun with Jay will be nice on the side ... did I just say that?!
naughty me .. Kevi close your eyes lol


so Thats about it folks ... single and actually loving it now that I know whats up with my boys lol

ttylater Veronica
love yas
and good luck with Sean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

natskie

[veronandez86]

Natalie, do you have a myspace account? So sorry to hear that this guy you really liked is a dud... but at least you all are friends still. =)


Anyway, my diary got deleted, oops... I hit the wrong button when I was on it and got the whole thing deleted. So, I guess I'm going to have to start a new one. Which is okay I guess.


I'm thinking about taking more pictures of myself for a visual of what I have lost. I think that I have lost quite a bit. I just need to start exercising so that I'm not all jiggly like J-E-L-L-O. LoL. Plus, my wall of Veronica, needs to be updated. Even if the pictures only show a little improvement I suppose that will help to motivate me still.

[nataliejo]

Originally Posted by veronandez86

Natalie, do you have a myspace account? So sorry to hear that this guy you really liked is a dud... but at least you all are friends still. =)


Anyway, my diary got deleted, oops... I hit the wrong button when I was on it and got the whole thing deleted. So, I guess I'm going to have to start a new one. Which is okay I guess.


I'm thinking about taking more pictures of myself for a visual of what I have lost. I think that I have lost quite a bit. I just need to start exercising so that I'm not all jiggly like J-E-L-L-O. LoL. Plus, my wall of Veronica, needs to be updated. Even if the pictures only show a little improvement I suppose that will help to motivate me still.

I think your going to have to make a new one Veronica....

I had a bad account... so I made a new account ..and now the one that wouldnt run ..is running ... so luckily all the posts are still there, but I feel for you .. its hard losing all those entries and pics and everything ..the style of your page ...

but just think ... you get to start anew ..fresh ...

best wishes hun
ttylater
love yas
always
natalie jo

[nataliejo]

Hey girls, Hey Kevi,
Well it seems like I have finally found a solution to the male counterparts that are in my life. I will stay friends and only friends with them...

I realized I am not ready for anything. I can be friends, and yes I plan to have a "good time", with them. but maybe they are the key to me realizing that there are good men out there.

I played the cynic last night, because I am. Do I believe in marriage? I dont know. "do I believe in true love" I dont know. I dont know much about how I feel except everything in my mind is so negative. Negative negative negative. I have been emotionally abused by my mother all my life. She said she had to "break the stallion" in me. (her words to her customers) I am not a stallion to be broken, however I was. She broke me hard and now I am left in a heap all torn and broken as Natalie Imbruglia sings. Torn. All my life I have been torn. And now I realize .. how can one have a loving relationship when you cant love yourself. I am learning. I do love myself once again. Last night, crying all night , fearful of losing Jay and Derek as friends, after my words I spilled forth upon them online. I was really afraid of losing them as friends. They mean the world to me, proving my beliefs wrong. Proving to me that there are in fact kind and gentle men in the world. Did I believe that before, hell no, but they are proving me wrong everyday. ITs kind of nice having such great friends. But they were ok, they were not true friends, because they didnt stick around to talk me down. I even thought I would like to die last night, but I fought that feelings, realized no one was going to give me a hug and had to rely upon myself for that. So I gave myself a hug and cried my eyes out. Sniffles and all.

but now I feel better, like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have my life to focus on and friends to be had and I dont have time for anything more. Derek did kiss me and I want him to do it again. He is so beautiful, such a beautiful person, but I am going to take my time with all that has happened over my life. I need time to relate to men and feel that there are sweet, tride, and true men. I know Derek would love me with all his heart and treat me the way a woman should, but I want to wait. I need time to heal and it may take months, a year, forever to heal from the damage done. But I can do this. I can get through this. I am one strong chicka. And I just need time and therapy to get through these horrible times in my life that existed so long ago. I need to heal before I can love again, love a man again. I need to heal

btw, still under 270, but I am close to being 270

I am not going to wog today, just too much emotional stress, but I plan to dance inside. Dancing makes me happy and thats what I need ..

love yas all
and thanks for being such a great group of friend
love you all with all my heart
love always
natskie

[nataliejo]

Ok I figured out what I want to do. Even yes after my rant. I am going on a few dates with Derek lol We are going to chill, go out to eat, etc.

I still really like him, sure the kiss surprised me, but he so gentle, nice and kind. And I do have some feelings for him and if Jay is going to be a dud, I dont see why its bad to surround myself with a really nice guy, who says he is going to treat me like the Queen I am. He is funny, he makes me crack up laughing all the time. He even sends me these hillariously funny jokes that make me crack up even when he isnt near. I just have this feeling about him, always have, and just fought it, because I didnt want to settle yet. But I think Derek is someone I dont want to pass by. I am going to go for it, but I am still going to therapy. Therapy is def needed at this time in my life and maybe always. So kudos to me for finally figuring out what I trully want and which guys is the right fit for me and finding out that I love myself, regardless of how men have treated me in the past and how my mother was and how my father was absent. I do love myself, revelations last night and all day today. I am a good person and deserve the best. And Derek is the best. I would like to get more than tongue tied with him lol

Well ttylater lovies
love yas
natalie jo

[tinkerbella]

Originally Posted by nataliejo

I even thought I would like to die last night, but I fought that feelings, realized no one was going to give me a hug and had to rely upon myself for that. So I gave myself a hug and cried my eyes out. Sniffles and all.

Awww hunni you are having a rough time of it...im so sorry you feel so down

You are soooo right when you say that you have a whole life to lead and a whole heap of new people to meet...life does get better, honestly it does. On e of my closest friends is a woman that i met through work, who escaped a violent relationship and completely restarted her life. She moved country, job, changed friends and found an amazing guy...she is so happy now but there was a time when she was very depressed. I think she also knew that she had only herself, and she made it better. She is one of the strongest, most inspirational people i know.

I hope that you feel better soon and im glad that you have sorted out the relationship issues with Jay and Derek. Derek sounds like a lovely guy and you certainly seem happy

Have a virtual hug!

Love
Allie x

[Kevi12]

Okay guys, I'm drunk right now hahaha, i may type now like it, but man my friends were makin out on my bed! I had to stop them so i dont have to sleep in on a bed with you know xD just some crazy night man, i'm so happy lol. I LOVE YOZY ALL!!!!!

[tamwalt]

Originally Posted by nataliejo

I even thought I would like to die last night, but I fought that feelings, realized no one was going to give me a hug and had to rely upon myself for that. So I gave myself a hug and cried my eyes out. Sniffles and all.

... hang in there hun. Your right, your young now, and you DO have a whole life to look forward to.

[tamwalt]

Thought I would stop by to see how you guys were doing! ...and let you guys know that I lost another 4lbs!!!

[veronandez86]

Originally Posted by tamwalt

Thought I would stop by to see how you guys were doing! ...and let you guys know that I lost another 4lbs!!!

That's Friggen Awesome!! Ya You!!