Hi Cate, congrats on the new grandbaby! Sounds like things are going great in your world.

I haven't tried soup on Cohens yet. I think I should do that. We're in the process of trying to sell our house and I often need to show it on a moment's notice. Keeping it "showable" w/ three kids constanly underfoot is challenging. Some nice, easy-to-throw-together meals would be a real blessing.

You seem so peaceful since you've left work! Since you love words and communicating, maybe you could pursue a career as a freelance writer....

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New start: 6/28/07

Misty, Thank you. Being a grandma is so good! You are just a lot more relaxed & confident with your grandkids than you were with your kids. Being a parent is such a big unknown & you are always worrying whether you are doing the right thing for them.
I have had another good day. My hubby & I visited an elderly friend who turned 92 yesterday. I had tried ringing him on his birthday but he does not have a land-line & his cell phone often does not get reception. We bought him a custard tart, which he loves, on the way & had a lovely visit. I really love the old guy. He lives up a rough track that I am too scared to drive up and lives in a house without power (he has a generator) & I do like to help him out. He was a part of the stress build up but that is another story. Now that I am no longer going back to my job I can help the people I want to help & not feel unable to cope with all the juggling that was required.
Misty- When I buy all my vegies I trim them, cut them up & put them in the fridge in labelled containers so that when I am going to cook I choose which ones I want & then weigh them out. When I was really battling, but had a burst of energy I would weigh out the next days meal portions. That helped get me through. Some days I just didn't feel like eating at all but that helped. Soup though I would be absolutely lost without. I love my soup. I don't make any more than 2 at once because you have to cook them separately but they are very convenient.
Selling a house is such a big thing. It is very stressful I find. I hope it sells quickly for you-good luck! That would be a real juggling act for you! You sound like a coper! How old are your children?
I have often thought I would like to be a writer. It's funny (uncanny) that you should say that. I suppose I think that no-one would want to read what I write. This diary has been such a surprise to me & a huge boost to my self-esteem. I had enquired about a correspondence course in writing a couple of years ago but it was way too expensive & sounded like a bit of a con.
I guess it wouldn't hurt to just send a story off to a newspaper or magazine & see what response I got. I have always loved words & language. At school my best subjects were English Literature, Eng. Expression & Maths.
It was almost instantaneous that I felt much more peaceful when the decision was made not to go back to my job. I don't think my medication would have had time to kick in & I still am on a waiting list to see a counsellor.
I have an appointment to see my doctor next week & will chat to her about the meds & I may stop taking them. I will go ahead with counselling though as I think it will help me with self-esteem & body image etc. The med's I think are having an unwanted side-effect that I thought might be a possibility after taking Prozac for a little while about 5 years ago when my sister was first diagnosed with cancer.
We used to talk about anything & everything & it was her that alerted me that it might be the medication. I find talking about anything sexual very embarrassing, except to my hubby, but sex was no longer as enjoyable for me & therefore he felt a failure. It takes away a lot of our closeness. I will wait to talk to her next week though as she thought this would not happen with this particular medication.
It's starting to get dark here already as winter is starting to close in. I am so happy that I don't have to go back to work & that my head is clearing. I will not assume that I am now ok & start racing about helping every-one & I will pace myself & take care. I will look after myself. I think I have had a wake-up call!
Having chop suey for my dinner tonight. It's just minced steak, onion, garlic, lots of cabbage, mushroom, ginger, ground coriander, ground cumin, a tiny bit of chilli, salt & peppper, some zucchini maybe, stir-fried with a little bit of water added & I love it. It's nice & easy. Sometimes I add a little balsamic towards the end & pretend it's soy sauce!
Be back later maybe -although I do have a good book! xo Cate

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Lost 36kgs 2007(Cohen's),now maintaining.
"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels".Mmm?No!Not even French Champagne!!

Hi Cate, my kids are 4, 6, and 7, so they're not exactly "underfoot" like babies or toddlers. Still, we homeschool, so they are always here. I love it, love being with them, but some days are overwhelming.

I think you should definitely consider writing! If you enjoy nonfiction writing (and I think you'd be great at it-- you're so helpful and kind!), there are many markets you could tackle. With your love of gardening and veggies, you could consider home & garden magazines or organic/natural living ones. Although you are far from a senior citizen, you might consider writing for baby boomer publications. It's a great, popular market right now! And, of course, there are soooo many health, women's, and diet magazines-- all could be great prospects. Local papers and magazines are also a good place to start.

Have I mentioned that I'm a freelance writer? I love writing, and I find that it's the perfect job for a stay-at-home mom. I've only been published a couple of times in print, though. I don't really enjoy the lengthy query process, so I've been focusing on online markets. The pay is not nearly as good, but the process is quicker and you receive your pay much faster. When I grow up and learn patience, I plan to pursue magazines again. I've also been thinking about going into copywriting, or writing for businesses. Pay is good and you can do it on a freelance basis.

OK, enough about me. My point is just that there are so many possibilities that involve writing. Many do not require advanced degrees or coursework. There are so many good books out on the subject.

Whatever you decide-- good luck. It must be exciting, having a world of possibilities before you!

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New start: 6/28/07

Misty- Your post has just blown me away. WOW! I love writing & I'm impressed. Can you recommend any particular books ? My sister, Jen had lots of books about it, that I wished I had brought home with me,as she was a writer, (as well as a psychologist & Associate Research Scientist in Sociology at Johns Hopkins, English teacher etc) & had a book published in the U.S. It is called "Getting By On The Minimum, The Lives Of Working-Class Women" & her name was Jennifer Johnson. I was so proud of my sister & at school (& since) have felt a dummy compared to her. She had a lot of encouragement, support & love for me, especially in the last 10 years or so & you can imagine how much I miss that. The sky was the limit with Jen!
I am going to digest what you have said about writing. What the heck I might as well give it a go. I wonder should I write under another name so I can write freely? I'm not sure where to start but will have to search for some info at the library. I do love researching things & am an avid reader.
Life does look good now & full of possibilities. I am not feeling scared or nervous about the uncertainty of it. Something I can do from home!!
Misty- You are a darling!!
Be back tonight when my hubby watches his silly football show, xo Cate.

Today was really wintry-wild, windy & rainy. I loved it! I had the fire going nicely, pottered around the house a bit, read for a while & just had another relaxing day. I am now telling friends & family that I am not going back to my old job. It feels good. I can now think about my workplace without my heart racing. I will call in & let them know week after next.
I am starting to get tired of sticking so religiously to the program. I guess it had to happen eventually. I won't deviate now but 4 months is a long time. Up until this last week I hadn't been craving anything but I am starting to look at some ads on tv, especially one where they are sitting around the dinner table eating roast lamb, baked pumpkin & potatoes, broccoli & gravy & drinking red wine & I am almost drooling. Over all of it! I think I have mental hunger if there is such a thing! I also do get hungry now that I am not drinking so much water.
I wonder if it's because I am on the downhill run that I am getting hungry. It's way too soon for re-feed so maybe my body has to re-adjust once again.
I'm tired again tonight. I have so much trouble staying awake these nights. I fall asleep in the chair & then wake up early in the morning & can't get back to sleep so I'm trying hard to stay up later tonight.
Don't think I can though. Goodnight folks, cheers, cate.

Hi, I'm Sue (Melbourne). I'm just catching up with all the threads after being off Cohens....(bad me, regaining a slab of the weight lost....sigh).....But now I'm back on track...and finding you all the MOST inspirational people. Thankyou!!
I'm just blown away by the wonderful supportive environment here. I love the tips, positive comments .....
Cate ....I think your weight loss journey could be a book! All us mothers have such similar stories about our kids, I'm sure almost everyone can relate to the ups and downs of being a wife and mother! It's very reassuring to see other people have down times too... sometimes when you are in the "hole", it feels like you'll never get out of it. Thanks for being so brave in sharing!

I'm wondering how others "reward" themselves for reaching weightloss goals, milestones along the way etc?
I've found I really firm up my commitment, if I put money in a jar...instead of buying a daily latte! ....and a $ for each long walk or gym visit! Then this is the money I spend on a pair of smaller trousers, or a manicure.....etc
I don't really miss a $ or so from my purse....and it's amazing how quickly it mounts up!

Cheers and skinny thoughts!
Sue

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Hi Sue, Writing in this diary has helped me as much as anyone I think. I think we have all heard that writing your feelings down is the best way of facing them & sorting them out. Sharing with others & then getting that support back & reassurance has helped me find strength & self-confidence. If strangers can take you to their hearts & see how you really are then I am learning to see myself through their eyes.
It is a very supportive forum. We all have let-downs of one sort or another, whether it be, deviating from the program, lack of support from family or friends or numerous others, self image problems etc. In here we know what we are going through & can help one another. I don't know any perfect people! I'll be back later to write more but just wanted to reply to your post. I love visits to my diary- they make my day! xo Cate

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Lost 36kgs 2007(Cohen's),now maintaining.
"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels".Mmm?No!Not even French Champagne!!

Hello Cate,

I have been reading through a few pages of your diary. You are very inspiring. Thank you for your kind words on the general forum...it really helps.

I think I might have to come back and pick your brain for some receipe ideas. I'm not much of a cook, or creative in the kitchen. So some ideas and suggestions will be great if you don't mind.

I really like your idea of preparing your vegies and storing them ready to go in the fridge. Like you said I think I will have to get my finger out and be organised. I think that is one of my big downfalls, I am always running late and just forget to pack lunch and buy naughty stuff at lunch time.

Happy Birthday for the other week!!!

I have my B'day in July...on the 18th too. That will be my biggest challenge...I will be 32...I will have to resist my beloved wine and a fancy restaurant....or maybe I can still go somewhere and just be very careful with what I order.

I totally understand what you mean about people that are also overweight and how they don't really seem happy for you when you start losing weight. Its just because they are jealous and probably wish they had your strength and will power to do the same. Maybe you will eventually inspire them to make some healthy changes.

Well I better get moving...the house isn't going to clean it self unfortunately. I want to get to bed at a decent time so I am nice and fresh for my Cohens seminar tomorrow.

Keep up the fantastic work Cate. I will check in often to read your posts.

Toni

Dear Cate

I can really relate to what you are saying although I have a little way to go before refeed I am thinking about food and feeling hungry, which I haven't done since starting. Suddenly I am exhasted in the evenings and............. sadly for the family a little (dare I say) "irritable"!!
I am going to persevere for the next 5kg if things haven't improved by then I may reassess my goal weight.
Hopefully we are just 'going through a stage on this journey'

Hugs Nonna

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Oh Nonna I hope so. I am really hungry again tonight- & tired!! It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one & we are both at about the same stage. I might email the clinic on Monday & ask if it's normal.
Toni- I am happy to share my cooking ideas but I had to laugh. I have never really enjoyed cooking- my husband does most of it (or used to). I think by cooking for myself & learning to be inventive I am taking control of my own health & well-being. The motto food is my medicine is a really good one. I live on stir-fries mainly & change the herbs & spices. I love ginger, cumin & dried coriander. A really simple lunch to take to work is canned tuna, mixed with spring onion, celery, tomato, 1 tspn low-fat mayo, salt & peppper. If you have all your vegies cut up & in labelled containers in the fridge you can throw it together really quickly the night before.
Often, while I'm weighing up my chicken lunch-time stir-fry I will throw together a quick chicken soup & cook it & then either pop in the freezer for emergencies or in the fridge for my next day's lunch.
Once a fortnight I purchase chicken breast fillets, minced lean steak, & rump steak. I then weigh the chicken into my lunchtime portions & all of the beef into evening meal portions. I always choose the portion that allows me the most vegies. I find it less confusing to do it this way & then at night I can just grab what I want for the next day.
Toni, I have probably given you too much info I just realised as you haven't yet got your program so won't continue. I do feel being organised is the key to success (& picturing what you are going to look like). As for the birthday celebrations I figured that I would wait to celebrate. I find eating out is just way too difficult. It's too easy to muck up without meaning to. I figure I have the rest of my life to celebrate & I will enjoy it much more being slim & looking good.
I won't go back & re-read this as I think I would delete most & know I've rambled on. Goodnight, Cate.

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Lost 36kgs 2007(Cohen's),now maintaining.
"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels".Mmm?No!Not even French Champagne!!

Today I am sooo hungry!! What is going on? I don't like being hungry. I think I still have 10 or 11kg's to go. I can't figure it out!!
I tried on my size 14 pants that I bought in Melb a while ago & they now fit me perfectly & look great. My hubby was very impressed. I tried on a few things to show him this morning & now have some really nice outfits. I had bought a really nice red jumper at an op shop. It's very straight & with a boat neck- looks good with the 14 pants & a new black skivvy, that I bought yesterday. I just cannot believe how I look. It is also such a relief to no longer feel stressed to the max. I even listened to some classical music today but then put on a "world mix" & bopped around the kitchen a little while I prepared & then stewed some apples. I did 10 apples, with cinnamon mainly & a little nutmeg, let it cool & have divided it up (by weighing) into 5 containers, which I have labelled- "2 apples", ready to go in the freezer. I didn't add any sweetener at all & it's delicious. I confess!- I licked the spoon!!
It isn't mango but it will certainly improve my yoghurt for brekky, which I have 2-3 times a week. What I will do is take one container out of the fridge the night before & either my hubby can have 1/2 or I will have it the next day as part of my fruit allowance. He'll be lucky to get any.
He's playing golf today as he hasn't been rung to go to work. We're not sure how his new job will work, hours wise, but it seems he will get enough to support the 2 of us. I don't know if he was really aware of how bad I was but he certainly is putting no pressure on me at all to look for a job. I am probably a lot nicer to live with now. I am finding myself much nicer to live with!!
We are looking after our little granddaughter tonight while they go to a birthday party so thought I had better get in here now as may not get the chance later. Plus I seem to fall asleep every evening & then wake up early. I'll have to try to break the pattern soon. One thing at a time.
It's lovely having new Cohenites joining the forum & my diary but I am also wondering where a couple of my "old" mates have gone. Annie? How are you going? Now that I am not working I have more time. I will have to get myself properly set up with a decent desk, filing cabinet & a comfy office chair. Mmm. Plus I only have a laptop & would love a PC with keyboard & good sized monitor. I find it hard typing on a laptop( not that you'd notice!) & the touchpad can get annoying. I feel funny about spending money on these things when I am chucking in my job. It's either that or stop coming in here so often. It's killing my back & shoulders. I sit at a table- not good.
On that note I had better finish up. Will come back for a look later if possible, xo Cate

__________________
Lost 36kgs 2007(Cohen's),now maintaining.
"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels".Mmm?No!Not even French Champagne!!

Didn't baby sit tonight as DIL has a cold so am back here trying to stay awake so I'm not wide awake at 5.30am. If I keep this up I will start to feel like an old granny! I sleep so soundly these nights & apparently that happens usually on Cohen's.
I think I am at the stage similar to pregnancy when you just want to get there. This last stretch seems interminably long & I am often hungry. I am so looking forward to going out for dinner.
I haven't anything to say really tonight so will go watch tv for a while & try to keep my eyes open. The week-end is so quiet in the forum. It's good to know that most people have a social life. Goodnight folks xo Cate

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Lost 36kgs 2007(Cohen's),now maintaining.
"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels".Mmm?No!Not even French Champagne!!

I lasted until about 10pm before falling asleep in my chair & woke at about 6.15am so that's better.
When I woke up I had so many ideas in my head so today I wrote most of them down- what I could remember, plus lots more.
As of today I am officially a writer. I may never get published but I'm a writer. What does a writer do? Write!! I certainly do that. Misty, if you're out there- Thank you!!!
Writing is something I have always loved doing & I'm so excited about it. For the moment I am just going to write and write and write.
Since eating my yoghurt & stewed apple for breakfast, 2 crackers 4hrs after that I haven't been hungry at all. I am just having a glass of water every so often & am now down to 3 litres a day. I am not waking up during the night to have a pee any more which is great.
I'll weigh in tomorrow but not change my ticker. I have to think now how much I've lost & how much to go, according to Cohen's. I had put their top of the range goal as my goal as it was a bit too daunting but may have to re-assess. They said 66-69 kg (145-152 lbs). I was 105kg (231 lbs) & am now 80kg (176 lbs). In my 20's I varied between 64-68kg. I once got to 59.5 (very temporarily)but was horribly skinny & don't ever want to go there again.
I'll see how I feel hunger wise when I am in the low 70's. It feels good to say that-when, not if!!
I feel good today & very positive. I read a great book yesterday by Leigh Redhead, called "Peepshow". It was hilarious. I have ordered her next 2 books from the library. I won't write fiction. I have a lot of true stories I can tell, especially from owning & running a country pub (bar) for 18 years. Once I started putting down key points I filled up 6 x A4 sheets in no time at all. I like reading fiction based in places I know, like Melbourne, or Baltimore. Kerry Greenwood books I also love & have demolished all of her "Phryne Fisher" & "Corinne Chapman" series of books.
It feels good to have changed my life. I don't care if this is what's classified as a mid-life crisis or menopause or even a mental breakdown.
I rang my younger sister before I came in here. I said to her that I was busting to tell her something & that she knows I'm crazy so it doesn't matter. I told her that as of today I'm a writer. She was really enthusiastic & congratulated me. She also loves writing & said she has had the plan of a book in her head for years. She said I have inspired her to get back into it.
I will now set myself up better with an offic e space. My hubby seems quite keen on the idea of me writing so that's another plus.
OMG- I can't believe I feel so positive & so certain about this. If I never earn any money from it it doesn't matter and I will enjoy it so much.
Enough for now. I'll give you all eye-strain! I just had to share my enthusiasm after sharing all the stress. I'm looking forward to more posts in the support thread. It's a bit lonely in there today. I'll do some googling another time on how to get published etc but for now I'll just write.
Cheers, Cate.

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Lost 36kgs 2007(Cohen's),now maintaining.
"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels".Mmm?No!Not even French Champagne!!

Go for it Cate!! New beginnings are so exciting! Doing something you love will be a great motivator...........you'll have to dedicate the front leaf of your 1st book to your friends here for "pushing" you in the right direction!!!

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Sue- I will!! We don't have a Cohen's swap thing happening here in Tas. I'm getting used to op shops & have picked up some really nice things. I will have to try them on in future though before I buy.
Today I feel like I would be lucky to conquer a mole hill, let alone the mountain or the world. That's the biggest problem with emotional highs- the higher you go the harder you fall!!
I really don't feel up to(like) explaining why my day was such crap. I have spent half the day (most) crying. So much for thinking I was getting back to the old me. I've still got a long way to go...
I didn't weigh myself this morning as I just didn't care. I haven't deviated though & I just prepared an evening meal for myself, that resembles a "normal person's" (non-Cohen's) meal. Hamburgers, zucchini strips, covered in garlic salt & "fried", tomato-"fried" & some lightly boiled cauli. I crushed 2 cracke