Thanks Bee- You are doing really well too. Good for you!
I got an email back within an hour from my clinic. My consultant asked me how much water I was drinking because she wondered if I knew I was drinking more than 3 litres a day. (I think I have been drinking 5-6) It is not recommended to drink more than 3 as it can leach all the minerals & vitamins needed by your body. She has suggested I drink only 2.5 per day as my chloride & sodium levels were below normal. I have cut down considerably since reading her email. It makes sense that I have probably been flushing a lot of the goodness of my food down the toilet. I have gotten so used to drinking lots of water that my body thinks it needs it. Plus I'm hungry right now. Water does fill you up.
I'm still feeling pretty good. The thought that I don't have to go back to my job is such a relief.
My hubby is starting to wonder about my Cohen's goal weight being too low.
I have tried reassuring him that my body will know when I am almost at goal. Hopefully it will. Everything else I have been told about the program has been pretty spot on so I'm hoping this advice is too.
When I emailed the clinic back today saying I had been drinking LOTS of water I suggested that it might be helpful to suggest help with the psychological aspects behind becoming overweight as well as the ongoing changes & challenges of losing it, when people start the Cohen's program. I don't think there is enough emphasis on that side of it. It will be interesting to hear what they say.
I'm starting to look forward to my birthday now and feel that I have reached a turning point. I'm not going to say it's all going to be just perfect from now but I am well on the way to getting better mentally. I have not felt any anxiety today at all. My monkey brain chatter has just about ceased. I am enjoying pottering around my home and think I will be a stay-at-home wife for a while & have a good breather.
Time for my last crackers of the day. Not drinking humungous quantities of water might take some getting used to. Maybe I won't get up 3 times during the night.
I hope the main thread gets back to it's old positive self soon. I might stay out of it for a while. Someone thinks he has a point to make & doesn't want to let it go. Who needs it? Not me that's for sure.
Thanks for all of your lovely thoughts & words. Inspirational! What a positive, flattering thing to say. I'll be back tomorrow. Don't think I'll go shopping. It can wait until Friday! xo Cate

When I started my day I felt great. I cooked a beautiful breakfast for my hubby & then one for myself. I did some housework, showered, washed my hair. Still felt great so I went for a drive to pick up my paper, get some petrol & dropped in briefly at my daughter-in-laws. Drove back home, still feeling great. Had a feta cheese salad with mayo/ balsamic dressing which was nice for a change. I prefer chicken, tuna or Mozzarella but I felt like something different. Had a pot of Chamomile/ Spearmint tea & ate a mandarin which was very nice & read today's paper. Still feeling great. Then........
Saw that there was a new(neutral) post in the main thread so went in & had a look hoping that peace has been restored.
WRONG!!
My heart started racing, I felt like swearing. I was so agitated!
I calmed down a bit & typed a post. I tried to sound as calm as I could although I was so disappointed. Our supportive, loving thread has been hijacked! I will try not to look in there again. It's such a negative influence at the moment and is not helping anyone. I am not participating in any more discussions about it. I had thought I was feeling much better until I read some of those posts.
I love the support & encouragement I have received along the way. It helps me more than I could possibly express in words.
I will try to come back later & post in a more positive way as I was feeling great before(did I tell you that? ) xo Cate

Hi Cate,
Main thread is back to normal now..sunny and his best buddy Mr Deviation are gone..haha ( I am so funny)

I just posted in there, please come back and share your thoughts on my post.

Chat soon!
Annie Lusion

Just had a quick look before I looked in here & replied already. You are funny! That was a bit much wasn't it. Hope he has gone! We don't need that arrogance.
Bit tired tonight-the bug gets me in the evening, especially with the fog we are getting overnight. 54 tomorrow, 54 tomorrow... (24 kg lighter than I was this time last year!!). Was on holiday in Vietnam last year on my birthday. I felt like a mammoth compared to most of the people who, of course, are mostly very small. I just loved the place & the people. We might go back again another day.
Goodnight folks, xo Cate

way to go! ur doing awesome!

Hi Cate,

I logged out and then remembered it's your BIRTHDAY tomorrow so logged back in to say
Happy Birthday

Hope you have a fab day.
keep smiling

Annie Lusion

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
You're getting so skinny...
And you're a nice person, too!

Jeremy-Thank you & welcome to my diary!
Annie- I had a lovely day & it was made even better when I came in here & saw your birthday message. Loved the colours. Thank you, fellow musketeer!
Misty- Once again, you have surpassed yourself. I'll take nice any day.
I had a lovely birthday.
We had planned a picnic but for the last couple of days & nights we have had a much needed beautiful steady rain.I love driving around the countryside & the rain didn't put me off. Tasmania is such a beautiful place to live. One of my favourite drives is to Sheffield, through Paradise (seriously that's it's name) to Mole Creek, Deloraine & then home. We were gone 7 hours. Along the way we did a "coffee crawl", some visiting & bought some pottery plant pots & saucers, some plants, a pottery ghecko to go on an outside wall & some really unusual pottery masks. We didn't spend much as we had a credit to spend in the pottery place. It was fun.
I am starting to accept compliments on my appearance, without feeling so embarrassed & uncomfortable. They are helping me to start believing it myself. I can look in the mirror & think- "That's me!" and smile & be happy about myself. I do feel proud. It feels good to say that & it's good to know that I can do this. I'm changing my attitude towards myself.
I know that I am not going back to my old job. The longer I am away the more I know that this is a big part of my stress. It is not for me. Just thinking that I no longer have to return to it has lightened the load.
Now that I able to think more clearly counselling will be more helpful. I have plans to take up yoga again as I used to love it. The garden beckons me as well. I'm going to grow more vegies & herbs next year. I really love being able to go out, pick things & then cook. It's really earthing.
My next job (yes I will work) will be something more suited to me. I am usually a very positive, competent person, have the gift of the gab (& love writing-LOL!) & have been told I could sell almost anything. I have been self-employed for most of my working life but don't want to own another business. I won't rush into anything. I have it in the back of my head that something will come along that will suit me.
Well I think it's time I hit the hay. 54 feels pretty damned good!
THANK You forum buddies for my birthday wishes. I just realised how much effort you went to. I give up!! xo xo Cate

Hi Cate,

Sounds like you had a lovely birthday. Your right about Tassie, I have been to Hobart twice and had a lovely time, so picturesque, it really is beautiful, a bit quiet for my liking..I love big cities but perfect for a romantic weekend away
I just realised you are two thirds of the way there...Yay!!!!
Go cate Go !!!

See ya

Annie Lusion

I can come in here feeling a little miserable & before long I am smiling!!
Once again, Annie to the rescue!!
My youngest son forgot my birthday (again!) & I have been trying very hard not to let it upset me. I feel really disappointed. I haven't said anything & he still hasn't remembered 2 days later. We have been texting about something else & I told him in one that I am not at my husband's competition-that I am home. In another text, after he said wish Dad luck, I said I can't -I'm at home with bronchitis. In the next text he queried why I didn't go today & when I replied that I am sick and feeling exhausted after spending all day there yesterday I didn't even hear back from him. No get better Mum or anything like that. I don't think it even sinks in. I love him so much and I know that the 20's are a very self-centred age, but I wish he was more aware of my feelings & would make more effort for me & for others.
I am always scared to tell him when he really lets me down because I think we have similar self-image problems & I feel that he, too, is fragile. Hopefully he will get there...
Life is very much up & down at the moment. I got really agitated about my YS this morning & felt quite miserable. I know that he will be upset when he realises that he has forgotten my birthday but I worry that if he is oblivious to what I am going through does he not really take notice of others as well. It may be that I, & my love, are taken for granted. Being a parent comes with a lot of sadness & worry as well as the joy & love.
I think I had better quit for the day & go read something.
I want to read some books on philosophy & am not sure where to start. I don't want to read the Men are from Mars type b.s. books but am going to have to ask at the library. I would have asked my older sister if she had been alive still & she would have given me a big list of books, in order. She loved reading & was a consumnate studier.
I am enjoying writing & may go along to a writers group meeting & see what it's like. It's something I have always wanted to do but haven't had the courage. I still haven't but will try to sometime.
Last year I put my name down to do a course on teaching English to migrants & they are going to call me in July or August. That would be fun. It's a volunteer thing but I really miss contact with different nationalities & I would like to help make migrants welcome to our country.
I will try to rein in the spending from now on as I won't be earning anything soon. I might have to have ebay selling lessons. We have so much accumulated "stuff" that I could happily sell. I have given lots away already but it would be good to get rid of a lot of clutter.
I had better get the fire cranking as it's getting dark & I am home alone. I had better not get too clingy after all this time.
I am looking forward to giving notice at work. I don't have to or want to just yet. The boss probably thinks I'm not coming back though as I let her know how bad I've been feeling. I didn't get a birthday call or email from them or a card-even from my own team. It's not exactly a caring work-place.
Thank god it's a caring forum!!
I think because I care a lot for others & make a lot of effort for them it hurts me when it isn't returned. Usually I just keep on going but now, when I need it the most it's not happening. I'm very, very sensitive right now.
Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow cheerful again, xo Cate.

I'm feeling much better tonight. I will have to talk to our son sometime & let him know that it hurts me that he doesn't make an effort for me. I will give it a lot of thought.
My husband has had a good week-end & has arrived home. His new job is starting tomorrow. They rung while he was away & need him tomorrow. We would not be able to combine his job & my old one as they are both shift work. He seems quite happy about me quitting.
I spent most of my day preparing food & cooking. I made a beautiful vegetable stock that will be enough for about 6 soups. I am learning as I go but am really enjoying cooking. I had it on the wood stove as it has a cook-top. I can't wait to grow more vegies. In my stock I put an onion skin, celery tops, zucchini ends, cauliflower leaves & stems, a few cloves of garlic, whole peppercorns & other whole spices, rosemary & some fresh herbs from my garden & some rock salt.
I then put together a beef stew for tonight, a chicken soup for tomorrow's lunch & froze 4 portions of stock. I love being organised. I also weighed my vegies for my breakfast omelette & made a loaf of bread for my husband timed for 8.30 tonight. He walked in the door 10 minutes before it was ready & was starving. He ate some with his beef & vegetable soup.
I'm going to be the stay-at-home wife for a while. I'm enjoying it.
It's raining again now. It's music to my ears. I rang a fellow up today to ask him to come & do some fencing for us. I left a msg that we will be home tomorrow & to call in to see us or to ring tomorrow. We've been meaning to do a few things to make the place nicer & more practical & now seems like the time.
Because my husband will be on call we really don't know when we will have free days. For the moment we decided that he should take what they give him but not double shifts. I am going to learn to go with the flow for as long as I can. It could become a part of my new philosophy! (She says laughing at herself!)
I think it's time I got an early night. I'll be pleased when this bug goes away. It's very tiring. I have got so run down my body is having trouble fighting infection.
Good night friends, "talk" to you tomorrow, xo Cate

I'm still fighting the bug but feel much better today. I decided to have a chat to my son soon but I don't want him to feel bad. Just as I was thinking about him I got a lovely message from him, hoping that I'm feeling better today & that he'll talk to me in the next couple of days when it's easier for me to talk on the phone. He still hasn't remembered my birthday-little rat! It made me feel much better that he was thinking about me.
I spoke to my boss today & told her that I am feeling much better & obviously needed a break & that I am sorting out a lot of things. She sounded pleased to hear it & didn't put any pressure on me ,nor ask if I am coming back to work which was good. Like every-one she has a lot on her plate. I really do like her. The longer I am away from job the more relaxed I feel. I think that's saying something!
We are planning another quick trip to Melbourne at the end of next week. We will take our 7 yr old grandson over on the Spirit Of Tasmania ship & take him to the Melb Zoo. We will also do a tram trip around the city as he has never been on a tram. We haven't told him all the details or that it's soon as I only just arranged it today. It will be nice to spend some time away just with him as it's really hard to concentrate on him when there's a new(?-10mths!) baby around. We thought we'd better treat him a trip.
I am loving this not having to think about going to work caper. I can feel my stress evaporating! My husband has started his new job officially today as they rang him last night to come in today! At the moment he's on a casual basis but it seems like he will get as many hours as he will want. It wouldn't be very good if I was heading off for my shift job as well. His job won't be an easy one but he thinks he will like it. I hope so.
Weighed myself this morning as I was very curious to see what has happened now that I have cut down my water intake to <3 litres & I am down to 80kg. I have told hubby that I will weigh myself once a week, no more, & he is not going to "hide" the scales again. I won't weigh any more than that, &, if one week I haven't lost any I will not get disheartened as it has to happen sometime. I can't keep losing a kg every week surely I figured that I have lost on average 1.4kg per week over the 17 wks. Can't complain about that.
Life is looking good from now on. I received a card from my o/s SIL for my birthday with a cheque in it & a message that it is to go towards treating myself to something special. In the middle of my turmoil I had emailed her, obviously sounding very stressed & she had rung to see if I was ok. Then today I got the card & cheque. How thoughtful of her! I wasn't over-whelmed as I would once have been & embarressed. It just felt nice to be thought of like that. I had better go email her now & thank her, xo Cate

Cate,
I can relate to you on so many levels. My sons (21 and 23) never put any effort into mothers day, my birthdays etc...I have discussed how hurtful it is but it hasn't changed much. They go all out for dad, and he saw how much that hurt, so he told them if they were not going to do anything for me then not to do anything for him. He is wonderful and thoughtful, not sure where they came from(lol). You are correct, that age is very self centered. Thank god for my 10 year old daughter, she still adores me. Like you I have not been working for some time now, due to depression among other things. Take stock in knowing how much you have helped so many of us. Without ever meeting you I know you are good, kind, and loving. That means so much to me. I truly hope you are feeling better and have a great week.
Much love, Lori

Lori- You absolute sweety! "Good, kind & loving"- Thank you! I hope that I am. My son sent me a text msg from work yesterday asking if I felt any better (re-chest infection) & then remembered my birthday later in the day & sent me another msg saying that he has the memory of a goldfish but does love me very much & would ring when he got home from work.
When he did ring that night I gently let him know how I have been feeling lately & that I was really disappointed that he hadn't rung. He did listen to me this time & seemed shocked that I am going to give up my job. I think our kids think we are Superwoman and don't realise that we too are fragile human beings that need TLC as much as anyone else. I hope he will be more thoughtful towards me & others. He is a really caring person & I guess takes his parents for granted. I love both of my sons & am proud of how they have turned out. He hopefully will become more attuned to other's feelings.
I actually am feeling so much better today I can't believe it. I was getting some wood in for the fire & was whistling. It took me by surprise. A bit later I was singing, under my breath, & realised I was singing "Walking back to happiness" & I realised that the old Cate is coming back. I too have always had depression lurking somewhere in the background. It's an hereditary thing for me (won't go into that). It can sneak up on you. With me I know that it will pass because it always has.
I now know that it is my job that has really stressed me out & was causing most of my anxiety & subsequent depression.
I am really enjoying being home. I guess I have never done this, except for when my boys were little & I didn't have time then for myself. I don't think that I will ever become a selfish, self-centred person but I am really enjoying taking time out for me at the moment. I am going to take life slowly for a while. My eldest son, DIL & grand-daughter have gone on a shopping trip today & are picking me up a compost bin. Next year I will be growing lots of delicious, organic, vegies. At the moment I get great joy from going outside to pick my herbs & spinach. I usually do this just before cooking so they are extra fresh.
We are lucky here that it doesn't get too cold to grow things during winter. We get to see the snow on the mountains but it doesn't snow right where we are. I am so close to nature but never far away from anywhere in Tasmania. Our stone home is tucked away on 50 acres in the bush. We have abundant wild-life so the vegies & herbs have to be fenced off from them but we have decking with pots & a small fenced garden off that, where I have my vegies & herbs. I think I will get used to staying at home. I never get bored & I can always hop in the car & get out if I want company.
I'll come back later today, briefly (if that's possible for me!)
This diary and the forum have been so good for me. It's very therapeutic writing down your feelings and reaching out & finding such, loving support.
If by doing this I have helped others then it is well worth it! It goes to show that you are never too old to take a journey of self-discovery!xo Cate

I had a lovely day pottering about. I got a call to pick my grand-son up off the school bus & shopping took longer than expected. My grandson is a real sweety. Then eldest son, DIL, & little grand-daughter arrived with my compost bin, which they gave me, hubby arrived home from work & we all ate a throw-together dinner. Well... I watched & then ate my soup when they all left, including hubby.
My youngest son rang tonight to have another chat & he has been offered another job. He is currently working full-time in 1 job & part-time in another but has been offered a managerial position in a very popular, fashionable hotel. He is really suited to hospitality work and has a very vibrant personality. He was very excited & is not rushing into making any decisions just yet. It's good that he rang to tell me as it's nice to think that he doesn't only call me when he's down.
OMG- I got side-tracked (again!) I'm going to be a grandmother again. My DIL took a long time to get pregnant wbefore & so they assumed it would take a long time again but they are expecting no 3!! I LOVE being a grandmother. I think it's a good idea to have the 3rd child straight away because there is a big gap between 1st & 2nd. I'm thrilled for them!
My soup stock is absolutely delicious. I'm going to do that from now on. Every week when I stock up on my vegies I am going to prepare them all & make a stock. It's great to be able to just grab a container of stock, throw in beef or chicken & vegies, no need to add any flavourings & pop the soup on the wood heater. Yummy! I prepared todays meals, tomorrow's meals & froze a chicken soup. If I make a chicken soup I always do the meal 2 quantity, if beef then meal 3 quantity so I don't get confused & so that I can have the maximum amount of vegies.
I'm going to give notice in 2 weeks time & will be pleased to finish up amicably. I will ask for a reference, which shouldn't be a problem. I have no idea what I will do next work-wise, if anything, but it's best to be prepared.
The compost bin ES (eldest son) put together for me & I will work out exactly where to put it in the morning. He gave it to me for my birthday to go with an Organic gardening magazine subscription. I'm now being spoiled!!
I might try to have an early night tonight & maybe not wait up for my hubby. I thought about going with him but thought I had better stay at home where's it's nice & warm. I'll be back tomorrow. Hope the Support thread stays nice & chatty. It was good today. xo Cate