Lori, You sound like such a great mum! It's one of the toughest jobs we ever have. I still worry about my sons & always will. I love so much that it sometimes hurts. I hope you didn't think I was trying to give you advice about her. I can't help myself worrying about everyone. I used to worry that someone would take offence at my "cheeky" younger son & hit him. He's a bit like his mum in many ways. That's why I worry I guess. He hides his insecurities behind the bravado. He's a lovely, kind-hearted person, who feels things very deeply. Both of our sons do really. I am very proud that they have such strong feelings & care for others.
The man who died in the car accident is the father of one of my grandson's school friends. His wife & 2 children were in the car & she is in a stable condition but has been placed in an induced coma. The children were not hurt badly, physically.
I had rung my son & DIL to warn them that Alex might come home from school upset on Monday & thought it would help prepare them. Instead my son was upset & had to leave work on Mon afternoon. He was not a close friend but had known the father, through sport & the children. I then felt bad for telling him! I think it's also that they are expecting their 3rd child & they can imagine being in the other family's shoes. When our boys were young I used to imagine this happening & how I would cope, so I can feel for them. So many sad things happen in life though & always will. It's so impermanent. It makes you realise that we should enjoy every precious moment.
Stef-- My diary just snowballs. Once I start typing I can't stop! It's a bit like the way I talk. I could "talk under water with a mouthful of marbles". I have lived in Tassie for over 21 years but this is the first time I have felt so cold. I think it must be from losing that outer & middle layer of insulating fat! We aren't getting much rain here & our dams are fairly empty. I have never seen the ground so dry. The frosts are making it more obvious as the ground is cracking.
I will make sure that we do celebrate our wedding anniversary this year. You're right- we have a lot to celebrate. I am usually a very cheerful, optimistic person. I have always been the glass half-full one & I think that's why my anxiety came as such a shock & shattered my view of myself.
In here I say how I cope (or not) & I feel & it's my main motivational tool. I will continue the diary after re-feed as I really enjoy the kinship. I love feeling a part of that greater humanity & have gained strength from the support & encouragement I have receive in bucket-loads! I also think I might be addicted to the forum and/or my diary! Cheers, Cate
(I forgot to put my measurements in here for this week. Will do so tomorrow as I feel like a lazy bones & am too comfy in my recliner! My arms are shrinking. YAY!!! Probably from all this typing. )
Sam- Was just about to submit this ramble & spotted you had also posted. I hope you can re-commit to the program. You are right about it being harder in the cold weather. I don't know if it's the cold making me think about food at the moment or that I might be almost ready for re-feed. I'm attempting to ignore tonight's hunger pangs. I drank a lot more water today than I have since being told I was drinking too much. I wanted to give the scales a little hurry along but maybe it's not such a good idea. It's lovely having you back. I'll "talk" to you again soon, xo Cate

Just a quick post for measurements, taken on 25/06/07-
A 66cm (33x2-lost 14cm or 7cm of each arm)
B 100cm (lost 17cm)
W 93cm (lost 22cm)
H 108cm (lost 25cm)
T 112cm (56 x2)-(total loss 40cm or 20cm off each thigh-OMG!)
Total loss since the start 118cm. Good-bye thunder thighs!!!! I don't even have a bump left on the sides. I can't remember how long that it's been since I didn't have those bumps. My teens?? Whoopee!!!
I'd better get on the move. I had planned on a trip to the op-shop to give away my size humungous clothes to a woman who works there on Wednesday's & the library but it's a miserable day & I feel lazy.
I'll push myself! Be back later, cheers, Cate

I quickly pan-"fried" some fish in a little olive oil spray, garlic flakes,ginger & ground coriander, put it on top of a throw-together "salad" of tomato, cabbage, salad onion & canned asparagus, 1tspn mayo, dash of balsamic, got all my old "fat" clothes, books for the library, Cohen's info for the woman in the shop who is interested in Cohen's, my coat to show my MIL, my bottle of water & raced out the door.
First I called in & introduced myself to the woman in the shop & chatted to her about the program for ages. She was lovely & I think was going to do the program anyway. I don't think she will have many problems with it. I asked if she would like my email address as I related to her & was happy for her to contact me & I don't think she will be able to find the time to read too many posts in here. I did recommend starting a diary here as I have found it very therapeutic. I'm glad I am no longer self-employed. You don't have much spare time.
It was good that I felt able to call in cold & introduce myself. I didn't even feel embarassed, showed her all my measurements & how many cm's I have lost, what I had weighed etc & told her where to find my diary. I hadn't done that with anyone yet.
Next stop the op shop.The woman who had asked me to bring the clothes in when she was working was there. I gave her the big bag of clothes & then said good-bye. On the way out I looked at a rack of clothes but she hadn't noticed that I was still there. Then I heard this voice saying "God, look at this! I can't imagine wearing this. It looks like an old person's thing!" I glanced across & saw her looking at this horrible brand new bra that I had let myself get talked into buying but hated as it was so old-fashioned looking & is white. It did fit perfectly though. (The op-shop woman is older than me.)
I couldn't resist & went up to the counter where she was sorting my things out with such a look of disdain. "Just thought I would let you know that I heard that and am still here." The look on her face was hilarious! I then noticed she had split up a 3 piece grey woollen, fully lined skirt suit with 1/3 of it on the pile that I had heard her say "I might buy that". I said "Now don't split that up. It was quite costly & is very smart & would be perfect for some-one going for a job interview." She said "But I don't wear skirts".
I really did feel like taking my things out of the op-shop & taking them elsewhere, but I very calmly took the top off her pile of clothes & put the 3 together away from hers, told her not to split it up, politely said good-bye & left. I was reasonably annoyed but was not angry or upset. That felt good. No palpitations. A woman who had been in the shop at the same time & I saw one another up the street 10 mins later & we had a little laugh over it. She was from interstate & seemed very nice. Strangers always talk to me. (I always talk to strangers!)
I did everything on my list today, including a visit to my MIL & came home exhausted 4 & 1/2 hrs later.
I think I will make an appointment to see my Cohen's counsellor, Lisa, when she comes up to Launceston or Devonport next. I haven't seen her since I started & I would like to re-connect. She's delightful! She looks really fit & healthy. Another shop-keeper who I called in to see today, as she has been on the program for a week & I wanted to see how she was going, said I should ask Cohen's for some commission. I had told her about the program a few weeks ago as her husband had asked me how I had lost my weight. He hadn't passed the info on. I told her that another shop keeper is probably going to do the program & was it ok to tell her that she is on it so they can support one another. She said that would be good.
I said instead of asking for commission I feel like giving Lisa a present. It was her no-nonsense approach & her willingness to share her story with me that had convinced me to join the program. It felt right. I do believe in fate. The way I found out about Cohen's was funny really. I don't watch Oprah or any shows like hers. I had never heard of it. It was just chance.
I'm going to take it easy tomorrow as I have my work dinner to go to. I'll have to dress to impress! My DH is coming too thank goodness.
Probably won't come back tonight as I'm tired. I've been Cohen'd out! Cheers, Cate

Hi Cate,

You were awesome handling that women at the op shop. She deserved being confronted about her rude comment.
As far as my daughter I never thought your comments were out of line. I want what is best for her, and I would love to keep her safe from all the stressors in life. You and I sound a lot alike, talk to everyone, save the world types, I knew there was a reason I liked you. Have a lovely time a dinner. Talk soon

Lori- The funniest thing happened last night. I can't stop laughing!!
About 8.15pm I got a call from the OS (op shop) woman. Somehow she had found out my last name & looked up my number. Apparently, just after I had left, a woman came in asking for bigger sized clothes. Mine were still on the counter being picked through. She bought most of them!! She also said that they decided my 3 piece suit should be sent in to their Launceston store where they have a steam press as she said she agreed with me that it would be a very good suit to wear to a job interview.
She also said that they appreciated my donating the clothes very much & thought that I would like to know that my clothes raised much needed funds for a very worthy cause. I think I will take this as a humble apology (without actually hearing the words) It took a fair bit of courage for her to call so I will let her off the hook!
I just can't stop laughing though! It was worth the annoyance.
I rec'd an email this morning from the woman (SK2-shop-keeper 2) I had called in to talk to about Cohen's yesterday, thanking me for doing so, which was nice. I haven't replied yet as I got side-tracked in here (surprise, surprise!) looking up the exact web address for her. I will let her know that SK1 (shop-keeper 1) is happy to talk to her about Cohen's. We will keep this quiet from every-one else though. A woman has to have a bit of privacy!
(She says sharing her life with you all! )
I have been up since 6am as I woke at 5am & couldn't get back to sleep. Unlike weeks ago I wasn't anxious, just had enough sleep. I got up at 6, cooked my LH ( I decided it should be LH for lovely husband as DH has other connotations)a Cohen's friendly breakfast of tomato, mushroom, parsley, 2 eggs on toasted, home-made 5 grain bread, apple juice(non C of course) & some fresh plunger coffee (that I bought last week-end in Launceston at Croplines-Mm Mmm-their Brazil blend)
I woke up ravenous this morning & cooked my meal 3 meal for breakfast. It is the first time I have woken up starving since week 1!
I will ring Lisa this morning & make an ap't for next week when she will be up north. Maybe it's re-feed time soon.
I feel great today! I'm really looking forward to catching up with some of my work buddies. I think I will just take a tub of yoghurt with me tonight now & some fruit as I can just sneak out & eat it in the car quickly in between the 2 groups that we are meeting. At this stage I don't feel like making a fuss about ringing them up to see if they can do me a Cohen's meal.
It's not even 10am, I've washed the dishes, done a load of clothes-washing, done all of my ironing, changed the sheets on the bed & I think I might just be a lazy bones for the rest of the day. I might read one of my library books.
I had better go reply to that email. I'll check in later for a quick look,
cheers, Cate

Cate,

I am so happy to here the op shop woman was big enough to make an "apology". The customer that came in after you was probably thrilled with her good timing. I hope the employee has learned her lesson.

Waking up ravenous! You are sooooo close to re-feed. How exciting, you have done an incredible job!

Hi Cate

You are so closed to refeed and you have been so positive throughout, a true inspiration, maybe you can become a Cohen's consultant You have the personality for it.

I am trying to read all the inspiring stories here to keep me motivated. We are off on a holiday for the 2nd week of the School holidays so when I get back I am going go back on Cohens for at least 2 weeks and see how I go.
I remember my consultant saying when I'd finished refeed that if I did gain weight all I had to do was reduce my carb intact. But I will do plan first and then do refeed gain and monitor the whole process - I DON'T WANT TO ADD WEIGHT ON OVER WINTER.

Cate will you posts any before and after photo's when you have completed refeed? I wasn't brave enough. (sorry)

ATB
Sam

Hiya Cate,

A quick hello to you, havn't posted for a while as been real busy with work, putting in a lot of hours at the moment ...a bit grrrr but getting there.
Hope you have a great time with your ex work colleagues.
You're doing great - 118 cms... so awesome..well done!!

Take care, keep smiling and chat soon

Annie Lusion

Sam- Hi! I will post befores & afters. I wish I had posed for a before though, in all my "glory" (dressed of course!) as I'm getting braver as I go. I will have to search hard for a before photo as I don't have many of me. I might do a funny ("Wacky Walker") after & a smart(ish) one. I decided it doesn't really matter if someone I know recognises me. I have become used to sharing the real me instead of hiding. I don't know what I was frightened of. No-one is perfect! Have a great holiday!
I rang the clinic yesterday & have made an ap't next week to see my consultant for the first time since I started Cohen's. They suggested I "hang in there" for re-feed as I do want to get to the goal weight of 66-69kg. Actually I would like to get to 65kg. About the consultancy thing. I get so enthusiastic about the program that I become really exhausted & I am a little too defensive of criticism about it. I will find my path & I do think it will be face to face, dealing with people, in some way or other. I think writing might be too solitary a pursuit for me. I will take my time & "go with the flow" for now. Thanks for your encouragement. It is all really helping to build up my self-esteem & it's very much appreciated!
Annie- Hi, thanks for popping in. I hope they appreciate you & the effort you put in to your job. Since I left work even more pressure is being put on staff so I'm glad I have left. I felt that the writing was on the wall. They keep "moving the goal posts", as the saying goes.
I did enjoy myself last night & received 2 presents & 2 signed cards, one from the whole work-place & one from my old team. I had already got one from my "current" team with my birthday present.
The comments on the cards were mostly, really personal & very touching. A common thread, which I am very proud to share with you all, is that they will miss my
"happy face, laugh, sense of humour, chats & wonderful laugh etc"
There were all different variations along the same lines."Who will make me laugh when I'm grumpy?" I loved!
If that is my legacy then I am proud of it!
I took my "meal" with me & ate 1 tub of vaalia yoghurt, some cut up fruit & 2 crackers while everyone was eating their main courses. Mostly they ate pasta dishes & the meals looked HUGE! I can't imagine eating that much food again. Nothing looked tempting to me but they all seemed to enjoy it so that's good. We got home at 10pm which was also good & got a sound night's sleep. My LH had to get up at 5.50am for the 5th day in a row. He was the only spouse at dinner-whoops! They are a nice bunch though & he was fine. He's not one of those really blokey blokes thank goodness!
I might finish for now & come back tonight. I had better do a little bit of housework. I don't want to get the sack. Cheers, Cate

Lucky I did get stuck into the housework as I got a call from my older son to see if I could look after our grandbaby for a few hours. He had to go in to work for the afternoon & my DIL was in bed, feeling sick. If I hadn't done the floors she would have been eating fluff etc. It was a tiring afternoon really. She hardly ever gets looked after by anyone other than her Mum & Dad. I think I (we) are the only ones who ever do. My LH decided to go to the pub with a work-mate,for the first time since he started his new job & thought about ringing me, but didn't as he knew I wouldn't mind & would have worked out where he was. I didn't mind but, of all days, I would have loved him to come home on time today. Of course, he didn't know I had the grandbaby & that she was unhappy! (He only had 2 drinks & was an hour later than normal.)
He's watching football & dozing off in the chair now.
I'm still trying to ignore my hunger. It's not gnawing at me yet but just hanging around! I still have 2 crackers left so had better have them now & go to bed early'ish.
I'm heading off to have a look around other diaries, including New You ones, cheers, Cate

Life is so fragile
Got woken up this morning by a neighbour at the door. She works where my LH used to. Last night she witnessed a car accident near her work-place & 2 young men were killed. She had recognised them as they drove past & then saw it all happen. I wish she had visited last night as she spent the night at home on her own as her husband is away working. My hubby & one of the young girls (a teenager) get on really well. She called him "grandma" when they worked together! We also know the other girl & one of the boys killed.(His family have had a really rough trot.)
My mum rang from country Victoria as she heard about it on ABC National radio, our older son is the same age as one of the boys killed & he lives very close to where it happened. I don't think she really thought it was him. I rang my MIL, just in case she heard the news & was worried again.
I have just realised that I have a self-preservation mechanism of tidying up cupboards to distract me from stress. I have this large cupboard that I attempt to sort out properly but it is usually too much of a challenge & I throw most of the stuff back & give up. Basically I have just re-arranged all of the stuff. I have sorted out a lot of it & have put all of the packing boxes, bubble-wrap etc together ready for when I'm feeling brave enough & organised enough to start selling on ebay.
I also framed some photos & have put them where I can see them. One is of my younger brother's wedding. I had brought it out last year but couldn't cope with it so had put it away again. My grandparents, my Dad, my brother & my sister, who have all died are in this photo. My brother & my sister had beautiful, piercingly-blue eyes & I have trouble looking at it. Our little grand-daughter's eyes are the same blue! I will make myself leave it out as I need to face it. No amount of cupboard cleaning makes things go away.
I feel ok. I wasn't close to any of the boys who were killed. I cannot imagine what parents must go through when their children die. My mum doesn't talk about it.
Toilet talk-skip this if you like!
(I have been so constipated the last few days in particular. I think I have over-done the remedies though. I took 2 Coloxyl last night. That hadn't worked & I felt so uncomfortable. So then I tried this Colon cleanser stuff that usually works within an hour. That didn't work so then I had a heaped spoon of Metamucil. About 2 hours after that I had bad stomach cramps & had to dash. Half an hour later the same. Fifteen minutes later.... I'm ok now. I am looking forward to being able to go back to having a piece of licorice every day.
When I was drinking lots of water I did not have this problem. I think I'll up my intake again until after re-feed.)
Our younger son will now be in England. How exciting. I hope he plays well & enjoys the experience. He hasn't travelled yet so this will probably give him the taste.
I'll probably not be back later. My football team are playing tonight & it's televised so will sit back, relax & watch it with my LH. He played golf today & just said he played really badly & sounded surprised. Understandably this morning's bad news has upset him. I wouldn't mind sharing a bottle of wine with him tonight. It's good to know that I can resist temptation. It makes me feel so much stronger. I should be able to stay slim when I reach goal.
I had better give him some attention & some TLC. Bye for now, Cate.

Hi,
This absolutley blew me away! You must look and feel like a new person! How do you feel? Have you seriously lost a shoe size? I have never heard of this happening. I am imtrigued to know more from others who have had this sort of transformation... Dwali

I posted a reply before l saw this. I am sorry to hear of this tragedy and l hope you and your husband are okay. I just wanted to let you know that your journey to health and happiness is inspirational. You have clearly come a long way and have a renewed strength in yourself to have achieved so much. It is reinforced with your comment above about wanting to have a drink with your husband and not allowing this sad news distract you from your personal goals. You are a strong woman and your goal is almost completed. Congratulations and l wish you all the best. Dwali

Thanks Dwali. My LH had a couple of glasses of red wine & we relaxed & watched our beloved football team win in a very exciting game. I have told him that if either of us dies watching the "Saints" (our team) then the other must put that in the death notice in the newspaper!
We are going to have a reasonably physical day today, getting some more firewood. The rate I burn it these days we will need to get more to see us through the winter. We had a thick frost last night & it is a beautiful, still, sunny day. Looking out the window, I can see a good snow cover on the mountains. I'm glad I don't live up in the mountains. I would prefer to see it from afar!
For some silly reason I weighed myself 3 times this week. It's probably impatience. There is a very good reason for not weighing all the time. Talk about fluctuate. I did it as an exercise(in stupidity perhaps?). Monday 74kg, Wed 72.5kg (?!) today 73kg. Tomorrow who knows. It could be anything, but at least I'm sure it won't be more than 74kg. It was a silly exercise & I will be pleased if it is 73 or less! I would like to think that I won't do this again until re-feed. I cannot see any pattern from it so it's not teaching me anything.
I think it's time to start using up the portions of chicken & red meat that I have in the freezer as I can't be far off re-feed & I really have no idea what is involved. I would like to have it in front of me so that I can prepare for it before-hand. I think if I could let go of the part of my personality that has to plan so much I would feel freer(?) My LH has started calling me by our YS's name as he is like that (or our youngest son is like me, more likely)
I am in awe of people who just "wing it." I didn't travel when I was young because I was too scared to! When my husband travelled (before we married) he just spent all of his money & had to borrow some to get home. Our OS travelled the world with a friend for a year after school, working here & there, living on the smell of an oily rag & had an absolute ball. They often slept on a beach or a park bench.
While I am typing in here my LH is reading "Romulus, My Father." I read it a few years ago, whilst in the US & thought it a wonderful book. My BIL recommended it to me to read. I got it out from the library as I thought we would go see it at the movies soon. I love to read books much more than watching movies but Eric Bana is worth going to the movies to see! Plus I have 7 movie vouchers, that I received as a bonus before I quit work. I haven't been to the movies since the kids were little. I gave away all my previous vouchers to our OS.
I feel like getting on the move & getting some of that fresh winter air into my lungs so will say bye for now, cheers, Cate.

Hi Cate.......I haven't been on for ages due to illness with other family members, .....ah well. I think i've cought up.... I hope you DO believe all the compliments coming your way. You deserve every one of them.
I'm struggling a bit at the moment, and head overseas soon...which may or may not help!! But I think in general life is pretty bloody good, and we should all be grateful to have it (and those we love with us, on the journey)
Sometimes I look at our weight woes, and the see the photo of the little girl from World Vision ,we sponsor....if only SHE could worry about her weight, and not starving!!
The world can be all topsy turvy...thats for sure.
Take care........everyone else too......I'm off to walk my butt a size smaller, in Europe whilst my husband attends a conference...Kids coming too (who new an accountant could be such a drawcard as a hubby hahahahahaaha!!)

PS : A hand bag is the BEST trade choice......one size fits all!!!!!