Hi Cate! Its late I know (busy) but thanks for those measurements.WOW WOW!
You must be shocked to see them in front of you again.
Can you remember being large? and being disadvantaged?
I cant remember getting to this size as i look in the mirror and still see a size 12. Too good a body image problem?! Weird isnt it.
WOW Im still in shock at how much you have lost...will take a while to sink in that I too will be there one day, it gives a clearer picture rather than kilos ( my opinion) also lets me know what a "normal" person should approximately measure, thankyou for putting them in. you are brave!

Alibi, You're welcome! I will admit to now feeling a little ashamed that I was so big. It just crept up slowly. I didn't feel disadvantaged at the time. I just saw me in the mirror, not my size. Funny isn't it? Because I didn't feel so bad about myself when I did make the decision to lose weight & get healthy it was a positive thing & therefore easier to commit to. If I had felt miserable I wouldn't have been able to do it. The fat seemed to melt off me on Cohen's. Almost straight away I knew it was going to work. It is really amazing. Even now I am still being asked if I have lost more but it's because your skin retracts & firms up that it appears that you are slimmer.
I am not skinny or thin & have never been. I look healthy. My brain has not quite processed that I am no longer fat & sometimes I still think I am. 2kg on my belly feels like 20kgs!!
Work was quite good today. I haven't rung about the other job yet. I might tomorrow. It feels disloyal to do it. I know that my client would feel let down if I leave & I would hate that. I am going to clarify a few things on Friday. I'm making a list.
At the moment we are hardly spending any time at home together. I hate that! My LH is at golf again tonight. When I'm at work he's at home, when I'm home he's at work or golf, or a meeting... Not good. I'm not doubting where he is though. I would just like to spend more time together.
I hope everyone is enjoying summer while it lasts. It rained here today but not enough. I was looking forward to thunder storms. I love them but so far, no storm. I was secretly hoping golf would be washed out!
Cheers for now, Cate.

Hi Cate

I'm glad to hear your day was much better. Sorry it's been a while since I've popped in it's just been so so busy here and I've been not so motivating or chipper! More will be explain in my diary if I can get around to finishing my entry today. I started an entry yesterday in a Word doc but when I went to leave late last night I realised I didn't get around to finishing it!

Only 9 days till we're in Tassie!!! I'm so excited, I really need a break and I really think LB and I need to just get away together and relax! I am so so so looking forward to meeting you and seeing your property that always sounds so amazing through your words! On the Friday afternoon we are going to to the Tree Top Adventure in Launceston before coming to your place so that should be exciting. I will send you an email from home to organise plans!

Dont want to hijack your diary but just on what Alibi was asking about. There are days when looking in the mirror, even though I'm now a size 10-12, that I still see me as fat. My thighs appear to me as if they wouldn't fit into a size 18 let alone 10. And then there are other days where I look at myself and see a person that looks like an extra in Schnidlers List (purely example only - I have nothing but respect for the people who lived through that time). It is funny how the mind works. And as Cate has said 2kg can feel like 20kg. Isn't it funny how before I didn't notice 44kg going on kilo by kilo but now I can feel and see half a kilo go on.

Anyway... Cate I hope you have a wonderful day and get some quality time with DB.

Lauren

Hi Lauren, I'm looking forward to seeing you soon. I'm relieved that you are doing something on the Friday arvo in Launc as I have to work that day. I'll be home by 5 though. I have to work Saturday as well but will see if I can go in later than usual. I'll talk soon. I just checked your diary but nothing new...?? I'll have a look tonight, xo Cate.RED ALERT!!I have felt bloated & uncomfortable & downright Fat so I got on the scales this morning, saying to my LH that I feel like I weigh 74kgs(joking) & I do!!74kgs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I know this is probably fluid & I know I have been having too many carbs but I feel revolting & fat, fat, fat.
So......I'm back being serious about my diet again. By that I am going to watch everything I eat. I must think about what I put in my mouth again. Think why am I eating this? Am I hungry? Am I bored? Is this healthy? What would be a better choice?
Now, by typing this I don't want you to think that I have been gorging myself on bad, bad foods. I haven't had an icecream since Jan '06(PC- pre Cohen's). I haven't eaten a piece of cake or slice or similar since Christmas & even then not much. I haven't eaten a whole chocolate bar since PC either.
Gradually some things have crept back into my diet- salami as my protein snack on crackers, a little bit of dip on crackers (baba ghanoush or similar)
My weight had not been spirally upwards so I thought I was safe to dabble.
Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water.........
So, back to base.
I must realise that these things are not for me. I have also been taking convenience foods to work like a chicken & salad bread roll or crackers, cheese & salami plus fruit salad & yoghurt. I thought I might have been eating too much fruit as they warn you about this so the last couple of days I have cut down my fruit (& put on 2kgs!)
My husband cooked a beautiful curry which in itself would have been ok, but also a delicious rice with vegies in it, plus pappadams, & then there's the chutney. OMG I feel full & bloated just thinking about it.
I haven't typed in Sam's new thread because I don't think I am at the stage yet that I should. AC (Apres Cohen's) is much harder than Cohen's. It's a minefield!
I love the activity in the forum at the moment. It's great! By sharing my apprehensions & experiences I hope it will help others. You get to the end, through all the ups & downs & then realise that it's only just started. Life is a little daunting.
I did ring about the job this morning but I was so nervous. I am calling in tomorrow to pick up an information pack. I got quite a bit of info on the phone. The positions are just to establish an on-call pool & I would only be able to apply for a service position unless I complete an Aged Care course. She did say that most of the staff see it as a "foot in the door" & complete the course whilst working there in a service job. I'll give it a go I think but I might have my hands a little bit too full if I try to retain my current job, be on-call for another, whilst completing an aged care course.
I'm about to go visit the grand-kids so will popback later.
I half-jokingly but really sooking-ly(no such word I know) asked my husband last night when he got home at 9pm what he had on tonight & he answered "a working bee at the golf club." He wants me to go out & help but I feel like strangling him so probably won't go. He's gone from one extreme to the other. We worked together 7 days a week for 18 years & now we are hardly ever together.
What a rant & rave I've had today. I had better go off for some good medicine- the grand-kids!! xoCate

Weight 73.5 but I am feeling so much better. Yesterday I was really strict. Today even better. I had zucchini, mushroom, tomato, eggs & Saladas for breakfast; yoghurt & a little muesli for lunch & 1 Salada only. I am absolutely ravenous but I feel great. It feels so good to get back on track & having less food in my system. I have learned a valuable lesson. I have been eating too much & for the wrong reasons the last week.
I got my roster today for the next month & I have been rostered to work on a couple of days when I have ap'ts. I decided to see if I can change the ap'ts to Tuesdays. I won't miss many walks. I cannot change most of them.
Today was called a review but I had lots of more painful needles than last week. Go figure! Ouch! It hurt more afterwards than while I was having them. He offered me local but I said I would be fine. I can stand a fair bit of pain as I am able to meditate & relax. It helps.
I feel better about my job today. I am pleased we are having a team meeting & tomorrow I will type up a list of points I want to make. I picked up the Information pack from the local Aged Care facility & met the personnel manager also. I think it would be good to have other options.
I'm feeling back on track with my weight & hopefully I will be back to 69-72 soon. Better go- I'm starving. I cooked a chicken before I went to Launc & I'm going out with LH tonight. I'll go pick some salad from the garden, cheers, Cate.

Hi Cate

It should be called the silent predator!!!!!. You think your doing fine and all of a sudden you feel your clothes getting tighter and before you know it....Viola!! you've gained kilos back. But it looks like you've jumped straight back on the band wagon Cate,,,,unlike myself who actually gained a further 2kg after returning from holidays.

Take care Cate and hope you sort out what is happening at work.

Sam

Hi Sam, I felt so gross that I had to do something quickly. Also it freaked me out a bit! I hadn't totally gone off the rails or anything. I had, as you said, just let my guard down. This guard must be ever vigilant I think for the rest of my life.
I'm still 73.5 today but I don't feel bloated & uncomfortable. I'm going to just cut right back, especially on the carbs. Also I'm going to go back to eating more of the original Cohen's food & less of the new.
I ate some supper last night at 8-ball so that would explain not weighing less this morning. I was really hungry last night as I only took some yoghurt & muesli with me for lunch & I don't think that is a good idea. Better to have a more substantial lunch & not come home ravenous. I didn't succomb to pizza or sausage rolls but did eat some multi-grain ham & mustard sandwich. I also had a late night.
I bought car seat covers yesterday & a new steering wheel cover & I'm trying to psyche myself into washing the care & fitting them.
My legs feel much better today but did sting last night. I am really seeing good results already. I can't wait to be able to wear shorts & skirts etc next summer. Wow!
I've been having a look at the employment info pack I picked up yesterday & it seems quite interesting. I'm not going to quit this job but will apply for the other as well as it's only an on-call thing & nothing is guaranteed. I have been honest with them about having employment already so if they want me on that basis, good.
We are going to Devonport to catch up with some old friends of mine. I used to work with them both in an employment office in Melbourne. I always got on well with the husband(he was married to someone else at the time) & at one stage he was my boss. His wife & I became good friends & used to go out in a group for "girls lunches" once a month. We called ourselves the "Hedonists Club". Makes me laugh now but we had lots of fun together. They have been together now for over 25 years. I keep in touch with them from time to time(they are always surprised to hear from me) as I like them both a lot. She is just lovely. I used to think there must be some flaw in her character somewhere but I never saw it! My LH worked early today so that we could get down to see them before they got on the ship back to Victoria. We have had too much on this week & it looked too hard to catch up until I hit on this idea of meeting them at the pub before they left. They headed straight for Stanley to spend a few days & didn't come our way & we have both been busy. At least we will get to see them. I honestly don't know how long it's been since we actually saw one another. I think I got fat & then lost it all in that time so I might look a little more like I used to. Funny that. I've got a funny feeling it's been 20 years. OMG! She's had a breast cancer scare- a few years ago. They love sailing & have moved down the coast. I am looking forward to catching up with all their news. I had better get a wiggle on & attack my car.
Cheers, Cate.

Hi Cate

I know it's a bit late but just wanted to wish you good luck with your team meeting today. (It was today wasn't it)?

Sam

Hi Sam & thanks. The team meeting at least gave me a chance to put my opinions across & to meet the OT who I thought seemed ok. My client does not like her at all. I have had my position made clearer which is good. I have to do even less than I do now. You know I think I should be a carer, rather than a support worker. I'm used to looking after people. I got very red in the face & was very stressed afterwards. I always find putting my case or stating my opinions really challenging & stressful but important.
As I was leaving my client to go to the meeting today her mother said that I wasn't needed tomorrow. This p....'d me off as we would have made totally different plans for the day. My SIL said that we are meant to get 24hrs notice & that I also should be paid for this afternoon . I had forfeited 2 hours pay to go to the meeting & then to have tomorrow's work cancelled at the last minute was annoying. My supervisor advised me in front of the others that is part of the job & that only an hours notice is required to cancel a shift. (My SIL is permanent part-time & I am casual & the rules are very different) I left the meeting feeling like I had clarified quite a few things. The troublesome support worker was very out-spoken & annoying. She makes out like she is the only one who knows anything. She interrupted me as I started to say something, ranted for ages & the OT apologised tome & then asked me what I was about to say & I honestly couldn't remember. I had written notes & had to look at them!
I hope that the OT & our supervisor saw through her today. I will def.apply for the other job.
After the meeting & while I was shopping in the supermarket I got a call from the fellow who organises rosters to ask me if I can work tomorrow for 5 hours. I told him that I had been told not to work at all & he knew that but said that is what the supervisor asked him to advise me. I'm pleased I put my case. I don't think I am unreasonable. I have changed specialist's ap'ts & let them know my availability until the end of April & am very reliable. It should be a 2 way street.
I'll be back later. Dinner's ready. I've cooked it. Cheers, cate

I have popped back in briefly, just to let you know that I am admitting that my job is depressing me. I have tried not to acknowledge it but it's true. Not good. It's also eroding my self-confidence & affecting my relationships with family & friends. I am going to explore other jobs. I heard about another one today- at my husband's work-place. I am going to apply for it. We suggested that we could actually share the job. It's 9-5 M-F, public holidays off, 7 weeks annual leave & RDO's & excellent pay. We would still have lots of time off together. Jobs are not worth getting depressed over!

You are so right life is too short to be depressed about something you can change.
i am glad you have admitted how you feel to yourself and also for sharing with us....maybe this was the reason for the extra kilos as well.

Take care

Sam

Hi Cate,

I agree completely with Sam. Maybe this was one of the reasons for the xtra kilo's? It sometimes takes a lot of courage to admit that you aren't happy in a specific environment, be it work or relationships. I worked for a company for 3 years slowly gaining weight and becoming more and more depressed and I only realised how extremely draining it was for me when I got offered another position and decided to go for it. One year later the WF told me that he couldn't believe the difference in my general outlook on life. Sometimes we feel like we will be untrustworthy or weak to leave a job. But in reality we need to do it to remain the best version of ourselves.

Good luck and I'm sure you'll get a better job soon.

Hey Cate.. How are you feeling now that you have started to work out some of your feelings?

By the way you describe your meeting I would say that the OT did see through your other staff member. She deliberately came back to you and made it obvious that you had been interrupted.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong in recognising and admitting that we are not happy somewhere and that it is having an effect of our mental health. I know from personal experience the responsibility you feel to your client Cate, but you can not really serve her or yourself if you are are not feeling confident and happy within yourself. If she does not like your decision to move on, ultimately this is not YOUR issue. We all have to deal with our own emotions and thoughts and cannot be responsible for other people's responses or reactions. That's their issue.

Anyway... thats just my 2c on the matter!

Blessya mate
Kannadew
(only 77 days!)

You girls are so good for me & to me!
Sam- You have been very supportive for a long time. I really do appreciate it. I have been reading your diary but just have not felt up to saying much lately. I do think you are being very positive & encouraging everyone. Thanks for your support, xo Cate.
Esthee- Thank you very much for your support & spot-on words. I love it when we have new members in the forum & especially ones who are so encouraging & supportive. We all need it, even we "oldies". You'll do well with your weight-loss as you have a great attitude. Cheers, Cate.
Kannadew- Mate! Your so-called 2c worth is always worth a lot more than that! I am looking forward to that day, that I know will happen, when you find your true love. That someone who will realise how lucky he is to have found you. You're a gem!
77 days- too long. Hopefully by then I'm not a grumpy old thing! I'm not really a grumpy old thing just too much confusion with this job. More about that in a sec. Looking forward to your visit. I am so sorry about your back pain. I keep checking your diary & see that you are mainly being supportive to everyone else & not really saying much in your diary, even though you are obviously suffering a lot with your back. I really think you are a very good, kind person & I look forward to meeting you, xo Cate.
My day- I had a great day today with my client. I think she has sorted a few things out with the "powers that be." She let me know as much today really. I think they should give her a little more credit. She's switched on. She's so funny. We really had fun today. We did a lot of sorting of her personal stuff-makeup, shampoos, clothes etc & she was really happy. This was after saying yesterday that she was going to spend the day in bed & didn't need me. I think that was her mums idea. I said to her mum that I was pleased to have some things clarified at the meeting & she seemed to be back to her usual self with me. I think she may have been doubting what was happening & did not realise most of the problems were nothing to do with me. I would say my client must have talked to them in front of mum so mum now realises what the problem has been.(more like who the problem has been.) I never bad-mouth this support worker, although she has given me plenty of reasons to. I have made my views clear to my client & her mum that it is very unprofessional & unhelpful for me to do so & in no-one's best interests.
I do think it's best not to bag others out. I also do not think well of people who criticise others constantly or who lie or try to put others down. I believe in karma.
I don't know if I mentioned in my diary but yesterday, at the meeting, I got an opportunity to say " So, no-one should be texting or ringing our client, or her mother, outside their work hours, under any circumstances?" No "That's good- that's what I would have thought" & I know that they are now aware of it which is good. This was said in front of the other SW of course. She would know that she has been doing it all along & would also know that they now know as well, so hopefully will stop.
When I got to work today my client greeted me with such a big grin & showed me the diary with notes from my boss saying what is not to happen again & she told me that all the things that were mentioned were directed at "the" SW. She wanted me to know clearly that I am not the problem. I really did appreciate this. It was very well meant. I am also very pleased that I have not entered into or encouraged any personal criticism & have said it is very unprofessional.
I will apply for these 2 jobs. I have lost track of what I have told you as my brain is not functioning at it's best & I feel too tired to go back & look through my posts. I used to check & re-check my posts & I have been so slack the last couple of months. I am usually such a stickler for spelling & grammar! I think I've told you that we could share it between us & the pay would be enough for us to live on easily. My husband's brother is going to be applying for it as well but he applies for everything at his work-place so I'm not too worried about that. It would be quite funny for us to share a job. I can't talk about it in here because of the nature of the work-place/ privacy laws etc. We'll give it serious thought though!
I've tired myself out so will head. I'm sorry that I am not being very supportive in everyone's diaries. I don't feel up to it I'm afraid & I don't want to offend anyone by typing in some & not others. Please know that I read every single one!
I have tomorrow off with my LH & we are picking up the 2 older gk's at 10am, spending the day with them, probably visiting a friend of mine, at the beach & dropping them off at home, ready for bed at 7pm. How nice! Love to all, Cate

Hi Cate

Like you I find everyone so helpful and encouraging not only with weightloss issues but with everything else. I know their is not that many of us here but we all seem to make time for each other. I think this so important because alot of our eating problems stem from what is effecting us on a daily basis and just having someone aknowledge you and not judge is a such a comfort at the end of the day.

You must be feeling so much better by getting things out in the open aswell at work and it sounds like the other sw has been found out. I think whatever decision you make has to be totally yours Cate and whatever that is we will be here for you.

Take care.

Sam