Sorry about the gain Cate but I am sure you will figure what exactly is causing it out and get back soon. It sounds so hard the "after" sometimes I am terrified I wont be able to manage! I was just planning on a healthy 1500 cal diet for the rest of my life! lol Obviously not.

Kannadew- Sweet? That's nice. I'll take that any time! I think you are right about me re-committing to the original plan, measurements & all . I have really known what I needed to do but........ I need to bite the bullet & do it. Easier said than done. I weighed 73kg this morning & have felt much better. I went back to the Bowen therapist today. I suffer a lot from allergies & inflammation & am going to try some of her herbal remedies, cut down my anti-histamines & vitamins & give it a go. I am determined to get healthy & fit! I don't even try to keep up with the other forum. I usually only read your diary & occasionally the refeed posts. Deb seems lovely. You provide so much support to the others. They don't know how lucky they are!! I am really looking forward to meeting you. I know we'll get on well. I'm asking for those few days off. xo Cate
Sam- It's hard isn't it?! I know that if I go back to Cohen's strictly the kilos would melt off me. It's just so hard to re-commit. Once you think you have those freedoms they are hard to let go of. I'll get there. Luckily I'm very stubborn so won't ever let myself get fat again. Hopefully the herbalist will be able help me as well. She seems to think my constipation etc stems from allergies & seems confident that she can help. I'm determined to get my health on track. sometimes I think I take a silly amount of vitamins & medications & I really want to eliminate them if I can. xo Cate
Jen- Thanks for your comments. You are participating really well in the forum. I'm sure I'm not the only one who welcomes your input. I think we all think the losing is hard but the after is such an unknown thing. It's no longer black & white. It's up to us. By the same token, if I had followed all the maintenence guidelines given to me by my consultants I would not be going through this. I am still in the forum, being honest with everyone, not to frighten anyone hopefully, but just to keep myself aware, accountable and on the way, hopefully to be able to help others. I guess the main thing is knowing that we have to be careful with what we eat forever!!
I think I must be like an alcoholic & know that I will have this "illness" for the rest of my life. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I was obese. I will always have the tendency to become obese again if I am not ever vigilant. I don't think that means I have to be scared of food or feel bad about myself. I don't. If I can lose 36kgs I can do this. I've proved it! I'll do it.
I got a text message today saying not to worry about the buddy shift with the new client because some of the time off I've requested clashes with the days they need me. I don't mind at all. I wasn't really looking forward to it. Sometimes I kid myself that I'm looking forward to some challenges but I'm not really. I like to be in a relative comfort zone.I'm also not spending enough time doing the things I love to do, like spending time with the grand-kids. I haven't even seen them for a couple of weeks. We have friends from interstate staying Wed night. They were meant to arrive Thursday morning when we both had the day off but are coming a day early when I work. My LH is going to spend the day with them & their daughter & then i'll come home to spend the evening with them. We have seen them twice in the last year, after not seeing them for about 10 years. We*spent the day with them at melb zoo when we took our gs over for the day last year & visited them when we were over for the Aust 8-ball comp in Oct last year. It doesn't matter much that I have to work but would have been nicer if I hadn't. I rang today & asked to knock off a bit early & was told that was fine. I think they are finding me fairly reliable so I didn't think it would be a problem.
I'm off to launceston for more vein treatment tomorrow. Catch up with you after, cheers all, Cate.

Hi Cate

I am finding the forum status really frustrating at the moment....it is so difficult to read are you finding this or is it just me. I just wanted to apoligise for not reading your post due to this. Where are the modertors??????
Sorry for venting but it's been going on for awhile now.
Take care and I promise to read your diary once there is no page adjusting needed.
Sam

Hi Cate

Sorry I have not been in for a while, just had a bit going on around here and have not been feeling the best. I love coming in here as I find you very inspirational.

Sorry to hear of the weight gain, but I know that you will not let it get the better of you, you sound very strong minded and determined to keep up what you have already acheived.

I am a little scared of the end, and I hope that I can keep my weight off once I am there. As I have such a love for all the wrong foods, and I hope that I will be able to keep away from them and only have them in moderation. So ofen I don;t feel like cooking and I say to my husband I don't wanna cook, let just get pizza, and he just smiles at me knowing I am joking!!! and says don't be silly. I am so glad he is so supportive, because if he said o.k maybe just tonight, I might find it hard to say no!

Good luck with the 3kg. I know you will do well.

Hi Sam & Sal, I thought it was my computer! It's been driving me crazy!! I also am getting booted off the internet regularly & it's so slow. It took me ages last night to post my diary entry & I almost gave up. If I hadn't typed somuch I would have.
Been to Launceston, had my veins checked, bought some cute pj's & knickers, a new winter coat- black with grey trim-nice, had a delicious Thai beef salad- very healthy & delicious; got back to Deloraine, picked up my 2 little dogs who had been washed & shaved & am home drinking a pot of peppermint tea. Phew! I feel good though. I also bought 2x 2kg hand weights as recommended by the Bowen therapist to build up my upper body strength.
Our friends from Melb are arriving in the morning so I have also been shopping for a few extra salad items. My LH is going to make lasagne for their dinner tomorrow night & we will have fresh salad from our garden, fruit salad & some melting moments that I bought in town from the place I had lunch(just 1 each.) They make their own.
I have to be quick as I need to call them shortly to give them directions as they have not been to our house before. I hope to come back later, cheers, cate

Hi Cate,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi! I cant wait to also be able to buy new clothes! Hope your day is going well. Cheers Esthee

Hi cate

I have sent an email to the forum advising them of this annoyance. I hope they fix it quickly, I look forward to coming here in the evenings it seems to relax me after a busy day like today and at the moment it is achieving the opposite.

Take care and hope things go back to normal soon.

Sam

Busy day-Bad day at work-won't go there! It's a bit of a one way thing. I have a feeling that support workers are not particularly valued(by the client's family, the bosses.....) There are so many aspects of my job that I cannot share. Most of them are particular to this family.
Our friends arrived lateish this morning & I headed off to work soon after. My husband spent a lovely day with them apparently, which is good. They even had their own personal cave guide (our son). I arrived home in a foul mood, feeling very stressed. I think I need to give this job up, for my sanity but will have to have another job lined up. I am used to earning my own money again.
Our friends have actually gone to bed already. They are our age & have a 10yr old daughter & she will not go to sleep without them. Not good. It's common in the US I know but I didn't realise that it happens here. Maybe it's a having a child when you thought you were never going to thing.
In the morning I'm at home & my husband has to go to work! What a weird life this is. When we can both give up work will be a wonderful day for me anyway!
I'm probably not at my best tonight so will head, cheers, cate

Hi Cate

Sorry to hear the work situation is still not going well...whatever you decide must utimatley be for you and your lifestyle.....to give 100% of yourself plus more to any job and not feel good about the structure and workplace relations is not doing you any good in the long term. Cate there will be other jobs out there so start looking and do what you want, lifes too short as you know.

Take care
Sam

Hi Cate

Just popping in to say hi, and I hope today was a better day for you.

Sorry to hear your job is still frustrating for you. I hope things get better for you soon or you find something better. Work takes up so much of your time and life, you should at least enjoy what you do.

Take care, hugs to you.

Esthee- I'm sorry I didn't say hi to you yesterday. I was in such a bad mood re work that I couldn't concentrate properly. I'm sorry about you hurting yourself! Ouch!! Take care, Cate
Sam- I know you are right & I know this job is not very good for me. It's not a healthy environment that I am working in. I also do not feel at all valued again. It seems that it's a bit of a one way street. After being told that I could knock off at 4pm yesterday it was rescinded & they tried telling me I did not have approval. I was not impressed but did not take it out on my client. I take it support workers are "a dime a dozen." No wonder they have a high staff turnover.
The physical environment is unpleasant & unhealthy & mentally quite stressful. I know, I know.....life's too short. I'm looking for something else.
I think I would prefer to go into someone's home & be able to clean it, take them shopping etc & really help. I have so much trouble sitting on my hands. I will make some calls after the long weekend.
Our friends have headed off around Tas. we had a lovely night with them & I got a chance to have a good yak this morning before they left. They are very nice people. We went for a lovely walk around our block last night. We live on 50acres & over half of it is bush. It's a lovely walk. I'll take Kannadew around it when she gets here!
I'm back at work again tomorrow & Sat....at least I get to take my client to Physio tomorrow which gets me out of the house. I will not be asking the physio any questions at all. I'm going to be the mouse that I am not!
From now on I'm going to be unavailable to work when it suits me. 3 days is the maximum I want to work a week from now on.
I am not typing in everyones diaries tonight as I don't really feel like it. Hope everyone is doing well, cheers, cate.
PS Sal- Hi!! We were typing at the same time. Yeah- It's a pain that work isn't much fun but, I guess I'll just have to do something about it, won't I? If I can get this job, I can get another! Thanks sweetie- I needed that hug! xo Cate

Hi Cate

I'm Back... Sorry to hear about all the ups and downs... well not the ups but the fact they have been followed by downs. And your walking... I really do hope you can find some alternatives to stay with that because you enjoy it so so much!

I'm back and on track... I wrote another novel in my diary which explains all but it is very long so I dont expect people to read it all! There's an apology to you in there so if you can find that for clarification it would be great! I've just been so off the planet in my own self destructive world the last couple of weeks. I know it's no excuse for rudeness (not replying to your text) and I'm sorry!

I hope your weekend is a good one!

Take care and be kind to yourself!

Lauren x

Hi Lauren & thanks for taking the time to write in my diary & your apology. It wasn't necessary but it's nice of you. I typed in your diary also. I try not to do things that I will regret but I do really regret not catching up with you when you were in Tassie. I'm the one who's sorry sweetie!
I think one of the biggest adjustments post Cohen's is to the freedom & the responsibility to take control of your own destiny. Committing to Cohens & concentrating on the weight-loss may have seemed hard at the start but once "in the zone" the feeling of control did wonders for my self-esteem. Since finishing the official program & not having that strict regime I realise that I need structure so am in the process of creating my own "rules." Having affirmations etc doesn't seem to work well enough. I am going to take control back & work out what is good for me/bad for me; what I can live without; what exercise I am going to do regularly/occasionally etc.
Cate's health & well-being plan-
A work in progress.............
Another mixed & confusing day at work so won't go there. It is depressing me & I find I sigh a lot these days & have many very negative feelings about myself....not good. It's not good for me, I know. I really don't know what to do. I know I must work it out soon.
I'll say goodnight & won't be back until late tomorrow night as we are babysitting the gk's, xo Cate

Cate, are you a carer. I haven't read your whole diary but I am presuming you are.
I look after oldies and enhoy it but it can be depressing and sad too.

X
Ez

Ez- You have hit the nail on the head unintentionally! I am. by nature, a carer but officially I am meant to be a Disability Support Worker, enabling people to regain their independence. Instead of doing things for them I am meant to be showing them how to do things for themselves! A facilitator, so to speak.I really do think I need to change jobs to a Carer's job even though I know that could be depressing as well. I love old people & love to pitch in & clean & tidy, take them shopping etc. I find my current job very frustrating as I have too much idle time.Enough of the job!I'm sick!!
I have a really sore throat, headache, swollen glands, sneezing etc. I got it off my client, who got it off a Support Worker (not good).
My husband had the grandkids from 11am until I got home from work at 4.45 on Saturday. They were good for him & he happily told me he didn't have to change a nappy the whole time. I took one sniff & nearly fell over! Yeah right!
They were really sweet for the evening, got them both off to sleep easily & they slept in to 7.30am on Sunday. Our little gd didn't cry for Mum or Dad once which was great. She is very comfortable with us. We are the only others to look after her. Our son & DIL had a ball at the weding & our little 2mth old gs was perfect for them at the wedding. They were able to have him in a portacot nearby & he slept through for 6 hours. The wedding was one of our son's best friends (female). They have been good, platonic, friends since grade 7.
Yesterday we went to a 90th birthday party where we also caught up with a lot of our Devonport friends. There is quite a large group that we get on with well & love to see. Unfortunately I didn't feel too well. My LH suggested leaving about 4pm & I got such a surprise as I thought I would have to drag him out. He also had a headache. He's ok today though. I am having trouble breathing at night.
I have a vein ap't to go to tomorrow morning first thing & can't ring today as it's a public holiday. I'm not sure what to do about that. Do I go & breathe my germs on them or do I ring at 9am & they'll possibly get crabby & charge me anyway? If I still feel unwell tomorrow I will ring my boss & won't go to work on Wed. I already have a doctor's ap't on Thurs with my doctor but will see another doctor tomorrow if I'm still crook. My immune system seems to be very low at the moment. I am taking a herbal brew at night which is meant to build it up, but it obviously isn't a miracle, overnight cure! I wish.
I'm sorry to be such a misery guts at the moment. Colds do that to you. I'll head for a look about, xo Cate