OK- enough of feeling sorry for myself! I apologise for my negativity. How lucky am I to have choices in life. How lucky am I to have such a lovely husband, sons, daughter-in-law, grandkids, mother still alive, sister who all love me. Lovely home, lovely dogs........
I'm off to have my veins done tomorrow & will meet one of my lovely sisters-in-law afterwards. She is about to travel o/s with a couple of friends. She has had a very tough last 5 years & I am so pleased that she is heading off for the holiday of a lifetime. I'm chuffed for her.I am going to have a look at computer desks & chairs tomorrow & will try to find good ones for my living room. I have had a bad attack of "the can't be bothereds" & must snap out of it. I only have myself to blame(well I'm responsible for my destiny-no-one else!) Let's just say I have been going through a purple patch. There I'm confessing I've been depressed again.
When I go to the doctor on Thursday I am going to have a really good talk to her. I want hormone tests done. I may get a certificate for a week off so that I can just take some time out for myself. I am taking quite a bit of time off in the next 6 weeks or so because of a few things so I might just think about that. I have a pamphlet from family based care & I might make a couple of calls. I know someone who used to work for them& I might ring to see what she says. It would be more caring for the elderly in their own homes, rather than support work. I'll see what she says.
I am really starting to go downhill as the day draws close so I'll go before I start sooking again....she says sneezing yet again & moaning out loud!
Just got a call from our interstate friends who are travelling around Tas. They'll be here in about 10 mins, cheers, Cate

Cate hun, you sound like you need the time off. Often we carer's forget to care for ourselves and you not being well just compounds things.
Take care.
X
Ez

Cate

The good thing about this forum is that we can vent and have a grizzle about things that are really affecting us. So many us have been there as you know and having that response come back with a positive undestanding is sometimes all you need. I think taking time off is imperative from the symptoms you have outlined.......if work is adding to an already diagnosed depressive condition well you have to make some changes and do it quickly. It clearly sounds like you need time to care for you Cate and I beleive the sooner you get out that job the better it will be for your overall health.
Sorry if I came across sounding blunt but I you yourself can see the warning signs......Take care and look after yourself.

Sam

Hi Cate,

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been feeling well. My finger is doing much better and I'm able to type again. I've really really really enjoyed my few days in Mozambique and I would really recommend that you go if it is at all possible for you. I'll even be your hostess and make sure that you'll get to all the non tourist places only us locals know about (read beautiful and cheap )

I've taken some photos of the beach and posted them on flickr. Flickr: Photos from Photos from Esthee

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling so down, so I'm trying to make you feel better by looking at the beach

Take care of yourself
Hugs
Esthee

Sam- Thanks for your TLC. I know that I need to change things. I'll do it. I feel much better today. I have decided to make my job suit me until I can change it altogether.xo Cate
Esthee- Your effort made me smile in itself. Mozambique looks truly beautiful. Careful. I might take take you up on that offer one day!
I think I have felt miserable because my defences are down. My immune system needs building up. I have felt a lot better today, although I got very little sleep last night. I have not, for even for one minute, felt depressed today
I have an ap't in the morning to see my lovely doctor & then a hair ap't straight after, which is a sure recipe for feeling good. I do feel very tired tonight but my head is clearing -in more ways than one!)
I'll be back tomorrow in more detail as I'll have the afternoon free. My compression stocking is itching me & I am reacting to the top of it for some reason. I have it turned over which, of course I'm not meant to. Oh well. I had better not sit here for too long though-just a quick look about, xo Cate

My day-I went to my doctor first thing & had a good talk to her. She's arranging for me to see a physio re specific exercises for me. She was so sweet. She told me I have come so far & she hates to see me slip back to where I was a year ago. She can see that my job would end up depressing me just like the last one. I told her I am reducing my hours until I find something else.My blood pressure is good- 110/60. She even went & borrowed another bp machine as I was talking about the family as she was taking it & she doubted it was accurate. It was. She goes to gypsy dancing classes which she loves & suggested I go along. I have missed 2 already & it's a beginners class. I will ring & find out if I can start next week.My cold is much better today & again I did not feel miserable once. I decided against anti-depressants while with her & am not going to do anything about my gall stones as they remove your gall bladder. I will wait & see if I have major problems before I have it done. She agrees that you should not have surgery unless essential.She didn't know of a naturopath but I told her "that's ok, you're not meant to know everything".I then went to the hairdresser & was able to tell her exactly how I wanted my hair. I have worn it really short for years & have decided to have it a bit longer & not so thinned out. I am going to start fussing over it a bit- using wax, gel etc. I used to think having my hair short made me appear slimmer(??!! doh!)** I did a lot of walking, some shopping. Bought a great black top at an op shop & returned some pants that didn't fit-too short in the body & exchanged them for 3 long-sleeved tops, different colours for winter. More money of course, but not too serious.
I've done it- I've been able to re-commit to Cohens!I didn't want to say anything until I felt I could get through a couple of days. I've taken back control of my eating. I have to wait until I buy new bathroom scales next Monday in Devonport to know what I weigh but this is good. I am fairly sure that my old scales were inaccurate & fear that I weigh about 4-5 more kilos than I think I do. I still lost 36kgs but could explain why I am having trouble stabilising. If it is the case I will get back in touch with Lisa, my consultant & ask her what to do.
The fact that I cannot weigh means I can't even think about the juggling act I have been doing for the last couple of months. It is helping me to be strict. If I am not eating any carbs, other than Saladas & sticking to the program (I'm not weighing though) I know I will lose weight. That is the joy of Cohen's. The confidence that it does work. I feel great that I am back in the zone. Now I have to sort out the job situation.
I took a book to work the other day & that stopped me doing all their housework. I love reading. It felt funny but this is what I have been advised to do rather than their housework. The family are not meant to become dependant on me. My allergies are really bad after a day in their home. I really notice the difference on my days off. I still don't have my new roster so haven't a clue what I am working for the next month. We were meant to get them last week. I hope they give me all the days off I have asked for. That may alter how long I am going to stay in the job.
I feel great after a day off, even better after 2 or 3 in a row. I think I could cope with 2 days a week fairly easily, especially if they were not together. I like earning money & being able to spend it, feeling that it's mine to spend.
OK folks, enough of my gas-bagging. I just wanted to say that I am re-focussing & determined to get back to my old positive happy self. I have also decided that I will probably go bush-walking on Tuesday, rather than the client's physio get-together with the support workers as I cannot see what earthly good it will do. She has a very serious attitude about the low worth of SW's & makes you feel like a germ. Who needs that?! I am missing the bush-walking. I also bumped into one of the Wackies today at the doctor's, who said they had been wondering where I was & had assumed I had been asked to work on Tuesdays. It was really nice to hear that they had missed me as it feels like they a bit of a clique sometimes & I'm a newbie.
Working tomorrow- I'll take the book again. It's hilarious & very light reading & is a wonderful contrast to my job. Hopefully my client will be starting to feel a lot better & more positive. I would like to be able to engage her in something positive tomorrow, perhaps a "walk" up the street or some cooking.
It's her birthday at the week-end & she's not been at all excited or looking forward to it. I find that sad. Every birthday is worth celebrating as you never know how many you have left! I have bought her a small present & a very funny, very appropriate card. I know I'm probably not meant to do that either, but hey..... how could I not?!
I might take my laptop to work as we talked about me doing her a cd. I might let her choose the songs from my play-list. I have lots of songs saved on my computer from cd's that I own. That should be a bit of fun. Good idea! Just thought of that one, cheers, Cate

Hi Cate! Just catching up on your diary. Sounds like it's been a bit of a roller coaster for you lately. Hope your feeling heaps better and your last post certainly sounds as though your feeling a little better.

GREAT job on getting back on the Cohen's plan. It must be hard to go back after a little freedom!

Like the other girls said, take care of yourself. XXX

Thanks Jen. Yes, these are trying times.
I have sorted a lot out today. My boss rang & I used the opportunity to tell her about many aspects of my job. She was very empathetic & was very supportive. She gave me a lot of back up basically. She asked me to stick with it & says I do such a good job. She clarified a lot. I now know what I can confidently say no to, without "getting into trouble". I also had a serious chat about the client & her mother. I think she seemed to get as much from it as I did. It was excellent. I can approach the job better now. If I take breaks I get paid. If the mother says I can leave early I get paid until my shift would normally end. I feel much better. I passed on a fair bit, got it off my chest, got a good reception & felt much better about it all.
Our friends arrived back for the night. We had our OS, DIL & 3 grandkids up for dinner & they have gone home, our visitors are in bed already, my LH is dozing in his chair & I am drinking green tea & "checking in" briefly.
I have a busy week-end ahead of me but It's mainly social.
I hope everyone has a lovely week-end, xo Cate

Hi Cate

Glad to see things are improving through your proactivness with work and your lifestlye.
Enjoy the weekend...they seem to come and go so quickly.
Sam

Hi Cate,

Its good to hear that its going well. Your weekend sounds busy, but I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I love entertaining, so whenever you want to see mozambique, just let me know You always write about your green tea drinking and I've never had a taste for it. Found a packet of Oolong Tea I bought while in Singapore and now I'm also sitting here drinking my Oolong Tea he he he. Enjoy your weekend.

Hi Sam & Esthee...about the week-end!! I got a call at 7.10am asking me if I could work today & I did. It was good in many respects as it enabled me to do something in particular that I had been told I could not do, for no good reason(by my client's mother via my boss).
I was, however absolutely dog tired by the time I knocked off. My client was thrilled with her card & present which was great & was quite excited about her birthday.
Last night I lay awake for hours last night & stewed. We were up at 6am as our visitors were heading back to Victoria on the ship. I think I would have only got about 4 hours sleep. I got home at 4.30pm & was asleep in my chair by 5!
We have a full on day ahead of us tomorrow so had better get a good night's sleep tonight! Trip to Launceston in the morning, back to our local town for an 8-ball tournament at lunchtime. Oh yawn...Night, Cate

My day-
Had a reasonably good night's sleep. My compression stocking is very uncomfortable & hot which does not help. Headed for Launceston to see our YS, got there at 9.30 & he wasn't there for an hour. We did a little supermarket shopping while waiting for him to turn up. When he did turn up he was very negative & quite miserable which made me wish we hadn't gone in there.
I have had a message from him & he has improved, thank goodness. The role of Mums!
We had a busy afternoon, conducting an 8-ball tournament, with afternoon tea. The fellow that was going to help my LH rang to say he couldn't go so it was lucky that I had changed my plan & was able to be there. As it turns out I wouldn't have enjoyed staying with my son all day in the mood he was in. The day comes when you have to think of yourselves a bit more & try not to worry about your offspring so much. It's hard though. Once a mum, always a mum. I do love him though & just want him to be happy whatever he does. He needs to change his job as he hates it! I think he will head off to see the world eventually. He hasn;t found the right person/people he wants to travel with. You don't want to live the rest of your life with regrets. Wherever he settles I want him to be happy. That's the main thing.
It is so hot today. Bring on Winter I say. I love the changing seasons & I have had enough of hot weather!
I rang the fellow who we have been waiting for to build our fences & he has been waiting for rain to soften the ground. I don't blame him at all. Fair enough. The long grass worries me somewhat but we can't do a lot about it, except keep brush-cutting.
Moment of truth tomorrow-
In the morning we are giving blood & then have dentist appointments. I am buying new bathroom scales so can accurately weigh myself on Wed morning. Scary. I may be back on Cohens with a vengeance soon if what I suspect is the case. I think my old scales were faulty. As I said it doesn't take away from the fact that I did lose 36kgs but may explain why I am battling to stabilise.
I'm about to have dinner & won't be back tonight. Does anyone have a diary elsewhere as well as here?
Roster- I forgot to say. I got all the days I asked for, bar one, which is very important & must be changed. I am calling in to see my boss in the morning after the ap'ts as my time sheets are due in then anyway. My roster still has not arrived but my client had her copy so I was able to check it. I am hardly working at all in the next month, which is quite nice & the days I am are mostly at penalty rates so won't be too bad financially. I actually volunteered for 3 days over Easter because the other SW's have small kids. I got all 3! My LH is working those 3 anyway. He's got time off when my mum is here as well which is nice. (I accidentally typed noice & almost left it there a la Kath & Kim!)
Cheers, Cate.

A good day so far. Gave blood(caught up with an old work-mate & also picked up my holiday snaps of Vietnam. One of the women who works there is going to do exactly the same tour we did in November this year with a group of friends after looking at our photos. Wow!), went to the dentist (no physical pain-just the bill) visited my boss, where I told her how important it was to me that she had given me such positive feed-back the other day, clarified a little bit more & also told her I will be at the Physio meeting tomorrow. I told her that I was calling in to tell her that I would be up a mountain tomorrow, but I was struggling for air, walking around Devonport, which is unusual these days& I think I may have a chest infection after all. I told the boss that I am very sick of the physio treating me like a germ & making suggestions, in front of me that our client does not feel confident to do her exercises in front of anyone else except her physio. This woman has a massive ego. My boss said she would be there & would put her in her place if she was rude.
The air is quite smoky so that may be touching up my asthma. I just checked the news online & the Tarkine rainforest here in Tassie is alight with bushfires. Already 1900 hectares have burned, according to the report I read. How sad. I have made another ap't to see a doctor tomorrow to see if I need anti-biotics. Every winter for the last 8 or 9 years or so I have got at least 1 chest infection. It's a bit early this year but I have had it passed on via work. I really need to build up my immune system. I can't shut myself away from all the allergens that are out there. I must learn to fight the reactions off.
I called in at a health food shop I used to go to & have made arrangements to see a naturopath that visits there once a month. Unfortunately she is there tomorrow, which clashes but I will ring Thursday to make a time for her next visit in a month.
I have bought new scales & will weigh in the morning.
When I asked about diaries (Thanks Sam for your pm) I was wondering about My Space or Facebook & similar & what people's ideas were of them. I am so in the habit of typing most days & enjoy when I do get some inter-action but feel I am at a different stage & not so Cohens focussed. I have Cohens to thank for getting me here but am ready to move on to something else. I like the friendliness of here though & any forays into other forums put me off. I do not want to become obsessed about exercise either. Women's health & wellbeing sounds appealing. I'll do a search.
Cheers, Cate.

Hi Cate

I know I misunderstood you about the forum question but I sent you the web address to your email anyway.....just incase.

Sam

Hi Sam, That's very sweet of you as is your thread congratulating Kannadew. I had seen the photos (not on New You) & I must admit was a bit nervous about you posting the link until I saw that she had posted them on the new you forum. Seeing her reaction to your thread made me feel great. What a girl she is! Good for you, taking so much pleasure in her wonderful journey & pointing it out. She has been so supportive to everyone else & sometimes we all forget that we all need support & encouragement. I am really looking forward to meeting her & have been planning our few days together.
I must go have a look about esp Annie's diary. Hi Annie. LOL at myself- I love being a grandmother & couldn't help sending you that photo! He's so sweet, as all 3 of them are!
Cheers, Cate