Don't we beat ourselves up about this? Trust me, it's the big intentional deviations that stuff it up - not the little ones. I used to be so obsessive about cohens....i'd weigh asparagus to the gram!!! I'm a bit more relaxed now and I'm mixing cohens with WW allowing me 8 more points while still losing weight. The best thing about cohens is the lack of refined foods eg bread...which bloats us. The worst thing is lack of fibre. I nearly quit half way through last year because of this.

Any way, small deviations (eg extra piece of fruit or wrong veg selection)help us get through a day sometimes....big deviations are ok too ...if you get back on the wagon straight away I had some big deviations last year...went to the royal show (are you a Perth girl?) and tasted everything in sight then went to northbridge that night and had a seafood platter......guess what? I still lost weight that week!

Hi Lauren! You are doing so well. I know that you are focussed & probably have a similar attitude to me about deviating. I'm sure cherub means well but I think it is more helpful to discourage deviating. We have enough people telling us to "just have a little bit" or "you've lost enough already" without reading it here. If some-one chooses another path that's fine, but to me it's like saying to an alcoholic "just one drink won't hurt."
Sam made me laugh with her gravings! Sam, are you craving gravy?
Enjoying your diary Lauren! xo Cate.

Well I have just been so flat out for the past 5-6 days I haven't even had the chance to come on a read any entries... WOW what a buzy little place this has been! It's great to see so many newies and oldies coming back and getting on board the support train! Well done eveyone!

Well I wont do a full update because when I do one day it's like a book, let along 5 days! ha ha...

Thank you Cherub for you post. A big deviation for me is using powdered herestetas instead of tablet form and having that extra cracker and/or piece of fruit! I do appreciate what you are saying and your perspective but I dont plan on being on the weight loss stage of this program for any longer than I have to so ZERO deviations is my goal. Everyday I live by 'if it's not on the list, dont have it' and it's got me through so far. I'm generally not one to beat myself up over things and tend to move on quickly - it's just a bit harder to get rid of frustrations when it's TTOM! Thank you again and I do appreaciate your input. I cant wait to hear more about how your mix of programs is going as I wonder about the future often, especially regarding feeding my body right in respect to the amount of training I anticipate doing (i.e. training for a triathlon)!

Cate, Cate - Thank you - I'm not sure there's anything more to say regarding your post. Your support and encouragment is always so well received and appreciated!

Well I have been feeling much better emotionally but have now just been going through my other pre-TTOM things where my costochrondritis flares up, I get sinus-ie and a little peckish more often. I'm not putting my current hunger between meals down to the program and refeed getting closer as every month on the program I have noticed I am hungrier around this time and it only lasts for a few days, so I'm just pushing through it.

Because my consultant is going on two weeks leave I am going for another official weigh in today and from what I saw this morning 'I'm in the 70's!!!!!!!' (sang in head whilst typing with joy) but not getting too excited as we will see what there's say this afternoon because I have a major lack of trust in my scales still!

I will come back tonight, if not tomorrow morning to post the results and a bit more blurb! Got to fly!

Have a great day everyone!

Lauren

Just a super quick pop on as LB needs the computer for study but went to my weigh in and 78.8kg.... YOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Will come back later!

L x

Wee Hoo!! The 70's!!!
Congratulations, xo Cate.

Hi Lauren...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You've hit the 70's.... well done girl! I know how you're feeling too coz I just dropped into the magic 70's as well (79.4kgs - the DF forgot to take the scales with him to work this week so I had to have a peek he he)...

And now you only have 11kgs to go... Yipeeeeee

Jackie

Thank you all for your congratulations... It's been very exciting!

I've just realised how long it's been since I've written in here... Bad me... I figured that if I dont kick myself up the butt and write something now I will just keep making other priorities over it and then I will have nothing to come back and read at a later date!!!

Its been very up and down and very busy the last few weeks and thankfully I have had Cohen's in my life as that has given me the structure one needs in this kind of time! The structured routine and preparation I have come to love has been great and has kept me grounded at a time where previously I would just carry on like a chook with it's head cut off. I have had a couple of major downs and a couple of very emotional highs and every day I have been meaning to come in to share them and everyday it's gotten to me laying in bed thinking 'crap, I still haven't written in my diary!'.

I think I've had the realisation that I am not far off of refeed as I have just been feeling like a scatter brain, especially the last two days. I'm not overly hungry yet but am finding that I am noticeably peckish between breakfast and lunch, I'm fine between lunch and dinner, but then think about food from when I've had dinner until I go to bed. I have spaced out my snacks by having breakfast then 1 hour and 45 mins later I have 3 wedges (I cut my oranges into 8) and 1 salada square. Then the same again another 1 hour and 45 minutes later. Then lunch and the same between lunch and dinner and then after dinner I will have half an orange, 4 wedges, for dessert. Mentally though I just feel like I am an on exercise bike - peddling, peddling, peddling but getting no-where in reality!!! It feels like I'm trying to concentrate on too many things but when I look at my list it's more than realistic. I will start a task and even without a distraction I feel distracted from it but so focussed at the same time. I understand that I probably dont make much sense but that's what I feel like in my head. I will actually cross a task off of my to do list but then an hour later I will be like 'oh I have to finish that or do that' then I look at my list and see it completed and then have to look at what I did because I cant remember doing it! Very bizaar!!!

WARNING - PROBABLY TOO MUCH INFO BUT.... Being TTOM hasn't helped. I have found since being on Cohens that I will have my date I should start and then I need push it to the next week at the same time. Then it happens and so I recalculate and then get to that date, all the symptoms and side effects I suffer are there but it doesn't actually start till the following week! Frustrating, especially since it means that instead of 1 week of hell in the week leading up to it I have been suffering from 2 and that hasn't helped me in the last two week. Last Wednesday and Thursday I just couldn't cope. I actually had to take some of my anxiety tablets which it's been nearly a year since I last had one. LB was just perfect as usual and just let me bawl, ran me a bath in a tealight lit bathroom and then greated me with a warmed towel from the dryer to take me into the lounge, which was also tealight lit, and gave me a lovely massage before tucking me into bed. I am such a lucky girl. It's actually our 3 year anniversary today and his got a surprise for me tonight so I'm very excited to get home.

I'm not sure if I put it into a previous post or not but next Friday I have a black tie gala dinner to attend and I am going as the guest to one of our service providers. It is a very big event in Adelaide every year and have been a number of times with my fathers business. It's only me going however so I have booked a flash hotel room for the night so that LB can go and relax there for a few hours and then get ready to come and meet me afterward and we will head into the casino etc and have a bit of a treat for ourselves. Anyway, I have been stressing about what to wear because I haven't wanted to purchase a new gown or evening dress because I still dont know what size I will be when I stabilise and it's not worth the money so I went through my wardrobe and decided that I would just deal with wearing the bridesmaids dress I wore in my sisters wedding (2001) and just get it taken in. Luckily it's just a pretty straight forward strapless satin gown. I took it to the alterations place and asked how much it would cost to be taken in. It was only going to be $45 and then I asked about a couple of moderations also and the total came to $66. I was happy with that but still not estatic because it would have felt much nicer to be wearing a modern glamerous gown that said 'Size 12' instead of saying 'Size 16' that had been taken in. So I thought I must purchase myself a new bra though as a 16/18 across the back in a strapless one just isn't going to do the job right. I thought I'll just shoot into Target. I walked in and straight in front of me was this gorgeous little cocktail dress. I didn't know if it would be formal enough for black tie but thought I would try it on to see. That in itself was huge for me as I never try on things at the shop. I just buy and try it on at home and if I dont like it I just return it. I grabbed a bra too and went in to try it all on. I look at myself and just felt... hmmm... looking for the right word... special. I felt special. I wanted to see it in the outside mirror and stepped out and there was a lady there, probably mid to late 50's, with her daughter, my age, and grand daughter. This lady looked at me and just said 'Wow, you look amazing in that. That is just stunning. I cant believe it's from here it's so flash.' I got very emotional and started to tear up! She asked what was wrong and I had to explain to her I have never worn this size as an adult and never felt this good in a formal / cocktail dress, I've never felt so confident and amazing. I asked if it was dressy enough for a black tie and she said definately and then her daughter had to come out of her change room to look at me because of what she was hearing. I just felt amazing! It was only $50 so I saved on what I was going to spend on the alterations to wear something I didn't feel so amazing in so I just bought it.

I was so excited i went to my sisters straight from the store to show her. I put it on and her and my brother in law and his mother all said it was just perfect. It suited my figure and style of clothing just spot on (I only really wear V-necks as have always been heavy chested). My sister asked if she could try it on which was fine, especially when she (and her husband) said oh yeah that is gorgeous but it looks better on you (we have very different body shapes, I'm an hourglass and she's a pear). And then the bomb hit... Then she said 'this will be perfect for so and so's wedding', at this stage still fine, she then asked if she could borrow it for the wedding and I said sure, still fine, and then we were back in her bedroom and she was taking it off and she pulled out a coat hanger from her wardrobe, hung the dress and put it into her wardrobe. Situation no longer fine! I said 'ah excuse me, what are you doing?' she replied 'the wedding is this Sunday'. All that excitement just disappeared, I have told her she can borrow the dress but it means she will wear it two weeks before I even get to wear it and this dress and pending evening means so much to me. I asked her if it was ok to take it home with me tonight so that I could at least show LB and she can pick it up later in the week. I was bit upset when I got home because she knew, well she could see, how much of a big deal it was for me. I told LB and he was pretty angry, especially because of the hair situation and a few other recent things. At the end of the day she's my sister and I love her and this is what we do for eachother. Anyway she wore the dress and had to pin it to her bra and got a pull in it and I think she realised when she picked it up that I was upset that I wouldn't be the first to wear it etc so today she has called me to say that she has gone and bought me a new one. She will get a lot of wear out of it and thought she would be quite happy to keep it and buy me a new one because it is a big deal to me. Sometimes it's like we are twins, we know what the other is thinking without having to say anything, although I think my mum may have had a hand in it also as I had a bit of an unintentional whinge to her!!! It's very rare that we would have the same social occasion so there's no chance of rocking up to something wearing the same outfit!

Anyway that's probably enough of a book! There were some other moments that I should have written about that have occurred since my last post but that situation has really affected my week and as you all probably can tell by now I just dont shut up and have to go into great detail!

Still feeling good. The last two days have had an extra half of fruit one day and yesterday had an extra cracker so I'm hoping it wont play too much havoc with my loss for this fortnight... starting to look forward to refeed!!!

I hope everyone else is going well. It looks like I'm not the only one who's been a bit light on posts of late!

Have a great week.

Lauren

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t feel ready to start refeed because I still aren’t really that hungry but OMG my mind just cannot function. It’s been getting worse and worse by the day but today I think I have seen it all. I feel like what I imagine it would be like to have alzheimers. Today it’s been so bad that I actually said to the lady who sits next to me I am going to go around to the shops to get a proper coffee as it might help my mind be stimulated and while I am there I will get blah blah blah. Well I got in my car and drove to the shops, I was talking to my mum on the trip around there, pulled into the park and then said to my mum ‘I’ve just pulled into Mawson Lakes but I don’t know why. It’s 3pm, I should be at work!’ She reminded me that I was there to get a coffee, some gum and a couple of other things. Oh yeah that’s right so I went into Woolworths and got my gum and asked her if I told her what else I needed because I cant remember. Then I remember that before I left I was going to write a list of the 4 items because I knew I would forget them but I even forgot to write the list. For the last week I have had to write down what time I have eaten and when I can next eat and everything I do. I have been writing on post it notes and by the time the end of the day comes I have about 20 of them in my notebook. The weekend and today I have been particularly bad. I’m still not feeling hungry or ravenous, I’m still 5-odd kilos away from my goal and 9kg away from the top of Cohen’s goal but I can even function. I have been having the odd extra ½ piece of fruit or extra cracker, or maybe two even. I’m struggling to keep count. I have an appointment at Cohen’s tomorrow arvo and will speak to my Consultant about maybe at least ordering my refeed because this is ridiculous. I feel like I have been needing the extra food to feed my mind not my stomach. I struggled last week at work but as I said today… well I started this post at 9am this morning and it’s now 4pm… I have done 2 tasks 3 times already before realising I have done them. I have done basically no work because I cant focus for more than minutes on one thing but I’m getting frazzled because I have 10 things going through my mind of ‘oh I still have to do this or that’ etc. At 8am I started to complete a registration form for a training session, it needed my name, job title, work address and the course number and name and to be faxed through and I just saw it still sitting on my desk with only my name and job title. I am thinking about food every hour but when I say I’m not hungry I’m talking about my stomach grumbling and asking for food but maybe by thinking about it so much and having such a fuzzy mind it’s my brains way of telling me I’m hungry. I cant believe I have been sitting at work for 8 hours now and just looking at my list of things to do that I wrote this morning and have been adding too I have completed a registration form and made two phone calls. It is the most frustrating feeling ever…

I’m not even going to go into my weekend because I’m feeling just so confused and cloudy and I really don’t think it’s going to make sense to anyone anyway!

Thoughts, opinions and advice EVER SO WELCOME!

I hope everyone is travelling better than me at the moment!

Have a great week.

Lauren

Lauren- You poor thing. You know I'm wondering if all this is hormone related(hormones gone haywire?) I have just been reading over my diary of that time & I didn't seem to be similar. Mind you, I wasn't working either. I had a hysterectomy at 42 & I have probably gone through menopause. Hopefully your consultant will give you some insight & advice. I'm sorry I can't. Are you sure you're not pregnant? (Only kidding!) I'll have a look tomorrow to see what they say. Try to get some advice that will help you get through to your goal weight, without going totally dotty as you'll be disappointed if you don't, xo Cate.

You are going great, I have been reading your posts, and I too have been struggling for the past 4/5 days..and was so close to breaking point, but I have reevaluated and made a simple change and right now Im on top of the world. I was reading your post about the evening dress and I had tears in my eyes I must admit...i felt it hun i really did, I know where you are coming from.
I know fit into size 10 bottoms and 12 tops...which I am agob at to say the least...and i look in the mirror in amazement and disbelief...sometimes i can see the skinny me and other times i still see the fat me...sad but true...
Maybe you need to change something so simple. maybe more vitamins or something see if that helps
YOU are awesome and dont forget that
Cheers Genie

Cate - Thank you for you post. Sometimes I think I just need to hear from others than those in my immediate, physical life to help me put things into perspective! Pregnant... ha ha... yeah no not funny! ha ha... I really do think it is hormonal though because that's all been out of wack since I've been on the program timing wise (it starts exactly 1 week later than 28 days each time) but then at the same time they have been much more what I would class as what 'normal' should be... not that I've ever known! And then I tried that new contraceptive but that slowed my loss down considerably and then this should have been the first one since then but still hasn't shown! hmmm... that's what happens when you play around with nature huh! (sorry if that's too much info for some - all part of the changes!!!) I know I'm getting close to my goal because I'm starting to get to the borderline of where I what to be phyical-looking wise. I have a very heavy bone structure and in the last week or so my ribs at the top of my chest are starting to show. My boobs are starting to look fake, like they've just been placed there because of it. I have no aspiration to look like a annorexic celebrity just to get to a particular number! I know I am already in my healthy weight range (official weigh in and ticker update tonight!) but I am so very cautious of going too far. For me it's now about how I look and feel rather than what the scales say. For the first time in my life its not just about a number to me! My hip bones stick out when wearing jeans and my below bust rib cage is more than noticable when wearing a fitted top etc! I'm just taking it week by week at the moment. So I would still like to get to the goal I set for myself from Day 1 which is 72 but not sure, as I have never been, about going for the 64-67. I know within myself that I would not be disappointed to reach and stabilise at 72kg. Well just see...

Genie - I feel much better today but still cant seem to just focus on and complete a task. I had a big sook when I got home last night but I felt terrible sitting there crying about feeling all confused and 'lost' and my ever so lovely LB cuddling me telling me it's fine and just part of the process etc etc as it was his 30th Birthday and it should have all been about him and all happy celebrations! Your words really meant a lot though, it's good to know that there are others out there who are REALLY getting what you are saying. Not just appreciating or understanding what you are saying when you talk about your expereinces but really get it!

I'm feeling much better today so far but it still is only 9.00am! I still feel cloudy and confused but as soon as I got in this morning I structured my to do list a bit more so that I only have to focus on the one thing at a time and I've told myself NO EXCEPTIONS! I have been taking double vitamins etc anyway but also had some before bed last night too and woke up really well this morning so maybe for this end part I need to take them with each main meal!

As I said above, and I have said all along, that I would reassess where I wanted to finish as I got closer. I talked a lot to LB about it last night and I still tend to think around the 72 mark is good for me. That's in the middle of my health weight range BMI-wise but also where in the past I have felt most comfortable with myself. Also I need to take into account what my training and exercise schedule is going to do weight and body shape wise. As soon as I start my swimming I will shrink in size more but also expect to put on about 3kg in muscle, although it might not be that much because I haven't lost much of my muscle density. I would like to be at 72kg with my muscle gain but I also am very conscience of looking like a bag of bones. As I said further up my chest ribs are already noticable, my hip bones poke out very obviously when wearing jeans and cargos etc and when wearing a fitted top my rib cage is nearly more of a feature than my bust. I am a swimming from way back so I have really broad shoulders and I LOVE, and I mean LOVE, my curves!!! I, and my personality, is all about being a woman and still having great curves. I have an hourglass figure and it's very important to me to keep that. More important that a specific number. So at the moment I think I will just take it one week at a time. Because of my build and structure I am very aware and have no aspiration to look like Nicole Richie or Posh Spice (although she was my inspiration for my hair cut!!!). My sister on the other hand has a very fine frame and can get away with being a lower weight and still looking healthy.

I guess what I am trying to say is this program has been all about health to me and I dont want to keep plunging away to get to a particular number in mind to only end up look unhealthy or like I am being treated for a terminal illness. As I said yesterday I'm not feeling particularly hungry yet so I will still wait till that happens with consistancy as when I am feeling hungry it's just between breakfast and lunch!

Oh I had to do the yoghurt thing yesterday because I didn't realise I used all the eggs in the house in my weekend bake-fest and had to get myself a tub on the way to work... YUM YUM YUM... I never really had a problem with most yoghurts but I think in that first week when I bought the particular one I did it just put me off for this long... cant wait to start whipping up some berry smoothies for breakfast!!!

I will pop back in once I've been to my appointment to share what my consultant has said out my brain function and what it all means with where I'm at and when I will look at ordering my refeed etc...

SO SO CLOSE... it's exciting!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

L x

Lauren-I'm so glad I made you laugh! I do think it will be hormones. I do not miss them! I absolutely love my yoghurt now & couldn't live without it. I love the Tamar Valley yoghurt. I too, felt your pain with that dress. I was totally gobsmacked & didn't know what to say! You'll be right Lauren whatever number you decide to finish at. I am happy being my current weight. I actually like my little belly(not the muffin top-I'll have to work at that!) We are women after all & I have had 2 kids. Like you I too like my curves. I do not miss the fat a.... & thunder thighs though. Look forward to hearing what your consultant says, xo Cate.

Hi All

Well I haven't fallen into a black hole or detoured off into deviation-ville... After my appointment last Tuesday night, at which I was just completely irrational, irratic and so-not-me (sorry Bronwyn again if you do read this!) I was in such a manic rush because I had forgotten a number of things and had 6 people arriving within the hour for LBs 30th Birthday dinner with my family etc. Still had to pick up cake, get a few bits and pieces from the shops and order and pick up Chinese and LB had just called to say he was held up at work... oh yeah I also wanted to do a quick run over with the vacuum because K & P (nieces) would be at the house also and it's bad enough that my place is just soooo not kids orientated or friendly in the sense of things to keep them occupied with and furniture etc. So I didn't end up being able to get online to post what advice Bronwyn had given. She agreed with just boosting my vitamins but had never really heard of these affects before. So I arrived there in a mad panic, irratic, irrational etc and then left there feeling all that plus more confused, worried and frustrated because 'WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!'. Put on a happy face for when the guests arrived and basically just fell into an exhausted heap when they all left!
I haven't written since because of the following: -

Wednesday - Woke up at 4am with a worst than I have ever felt and had in my life headache that was 25% sinus (has been coming and going since weekend up in Clare with cats again) and 75% whole left side of head and EXTREME. Took a couple of over the counter strong codeine painkiller and went back to bed. Woke up at 6am and it was still there, still extreme and also making me feel quesy. Tried to get up, reached the couch and didn't move anymore. Told LB I wasn't going to work and went back to bed. He and my mum both very worried because I have been having these other brain function difficulties booked me into drs and I made it up there in the afternoon. He did a couple of tests and said that it wasn't a tumour or meningitis (sic) but I was right about sinus and until I can get in for a CT scan we will start to treat that. He also gave me some panadeine forte which then left me in la la land for the rest of the day. Slept, slept and slept some more. Struggled to make it to the toilet let alone post on computer. Dr also signed me off for the rest of the week.

Thursday - Woke up, moved matress into lounge as it's darker during the day in there than in the bedroom and slept, slept some more, then slept some more. Was high as a kite the entire day with the fortes. I really dont like taking medication that strong but I was barely even making it through the last hour before I could take some more the pain was the extreme so I didn't have much choice. Set my alarm and coped with my food etc for the day but hardly drank a thing. I kept trying to get it down as it would only help and with all the medication I needed to flush it through but I just couldn't stomach it. Every mouthful had me running to the bathroom as I thought it wasn't going to stay down.

Friday - Felt better. Had to go back to the doctors so couldn't take the strong stuff as I had to drive and I actually managed well just on the over the counter. When I got to the doctors he said that on Wednesday he would have liked me to go and get some blood tests but because of the state I was in he decided to wait to see how I was then. He said that he thinks I might be anemic. He said with everything I was saying about the fuzziness and confusion and then the tests he ran with my pulse and looking at me (eye lids, nail beds, bruising etc) I have all the symptoms and it would make sense. So After my appointment I went to the building next door to have blood taken and the lady stuffed it up which because I was unwell and then how much pain she was causing I ended up fainting and was also left with bruises in each arm which made me look like I had been shooting up drugs all bloody week! NOT HAPPY JAN. Went back home and packed the bag for our night in the city. LB and I had decided that we would wait to see how I was feeling as to whether I would attend my snazzy function or not but regardless we would still go and stay in the hotel we had booked and if I didn't feel up to the dinner we would just spend the night having a bit of R&R where there were no dishes to do, washing to be folded etc as the new WONDER WOMAN me is also probably a little run down on top of it all. LB cam home at 1.30 to get me to go to the CT Scan and then we did a quick dash around to Medicare and home, for me to rest on couch while he did a quick tidy and pack of his stuff, as his brother and brothers girlfriend we staying at our place the night. Then headed into our hotel room and just relaxed for a couple of hours before I got ready to go to my dinner. I was feeling much better and since I was just going to sit at the table and such a fuss was made over my food I felt I had to make an appearance, plus I was so excited about getting dressed up etc as 'ME' (you know - the real one!!!). LB walked me down to the dinner and I had a lovely evening. Bumped into many people I haven't seen for a long time, had photo taken for SA Life Magazine, was on a great table of people and my meal.... OMG - the portion sizes were so close also and they did such a great job. I had a chargrilled piece of beef with steamed bok choy and asparagus. I actually really enjoyed it! Over drank on the soda water but hey it could have been worse and I could have cleaned up a couple of bottles of wine (although even if I could drink I dont think I would have - my head was hurting and that was without the assistance of alcohol). At about 10.30pm I called LB to come and get me. He picked me up quite piddled and I was knackered so we just headed back to the room. Had a wonderful, luxurious sleep in the crisp sheets of the hotel bed and woke up feeling much much better, headache still present but now very mild.
Had breakfast (I took a tub of yogurt with me) and read the paper on the couch while it was LBs turn to wake up with a throbbing head, except his was self-inflicted!

Saturday - went for a walk through the markets, LB wanted to go to the zoo so we went there for 2 hours and then we headed home as LBs brother was there by himself and I was buggered and needed a nap and it was nearly my lunch time. Stopped at the shop for a BBQ chicken (the one food I still constantly yern for... what I would do for the juicy tenderness of a drumstick) and some rolls. Got home, made the boys chicken, cheese, salami, lettuce and mayo rolls with all the lovely fresh produce we bought at the markets, made myself a chicken salad (not with the delicious smelling BBQ of course!) and then I kicked the boys out of the house to the golf driving range and I went to bed. 5 hours later the came home as did Robs (brothers girlfriend) and I crawled out of bed feeling almost like a human again. We had dinner, watched a movie (well I got through half before heading back to bed) and a nice chilled out evening.

Sunday - Got up and had breakfast. Vegged on couch until everyone else awoke some 3+ hours later. Made them all breakfast, did some washing and hung it out, made myself lunch and then we headed out to some hardware stores, garden places and stuff like that. Then again last night it was an early one...

So all in all I am feeling much more human. I am still waiting for all my results back which should be today, that's just reminded me so I will call them in a sec, but if that is the case it would explain why I have been the way I have. I have already started on the iron tablets as a precautionary anyway (like I need MORE constipation - sorry) as I did add up my iron intake on a general Cohen's day and as much as I met the RDI I found on a website re: anemia what things can stop your body from absorbing iron from food into the bloodstream - they are:
1. Coffee - I have 1 cup every 2 days
2. Tea - I have 5-8 cups of green tea a day plus 2-3 cups of herbal tea a day
3. Chewing gum - I have at least 5 pieces a day (yes sometimes I go over but try and cut them in half so I get 10 servings in a day - I cant handle the bad breathe and the taste it gives in your mouth)
4. Artificial sweetner - I have 5 tabs a day.

So as much as I am meeting my recommended amounts I have been probably inhibiting most of that from being absorbed. So I have cut down my tea (I have actually only had my camomile and lavendar since reading it as I presume they are talking about tea from the camellia sinensis) and only 1 before bed each night and so therefore I also haven't had any sweetners. Still having my gum but hope cutting down the rest in the interim will help until I go back to the quack.

So I apologise if any of you have been waiting to find out what my consultant said re: what's been going on but until today I just haven't been up to sitting at a computer.

I've written more than enough for the moment so I hope everyone has been well. I will go and read some diaries now to get myself up to date!

Take care all.

Lauren

P.S. I really did feel amazing on Friday night all dressed up... I was beeming with pride and confidence... I sooooooo want to post the pictures LB took before I left but I dont want to ruin my Before and After showing off!!! I might just post a before and during for the moment... hmmmm... will have to think about it!

Hi All

Well has the last 5-6 days been ever so hectic for me!!!! Thursday I had an incident occur at the end of the day which held me up to no end. I spent the whole of Friday at Tafe, got home had no internet..., Saturday and Sunday full days at a gardening and garden design course and still having trouble with the computer and then yesterday I was in the city all day at the launch of Safe Work 2007! I have not had a minute to breathe and have actually had many a thing to say, well pen, in here but just not the opportunity!

Well as you can see I am only 4-odd KGs away from my goal and tonight I had an official weigh in!!! To my surprise I actually had a 3.78kg loss this fortnight which I guess makes up for the 1.8 and 1.2 of previous fortnights! I was starting to think that I was going to have to go through the holiday period on the program still and WHAM I pulled a big one! I am so so so excited because my consultant said that I need to go and have my last blood test tomorrow and she will order my refeed so that it is here and we can discuss it at my next fortnight's appointment!!!! HURRAH HURRAH HURRAH!!!! The JOY I cannot explain. Especially because I have actually reached refeed because I have reached my refeed weight not because I got discouraged and gave up at the last moment or ordered it because I was fed up with the process which is where I was concerned my thought process was heading a couple weeks back when I was all fuzzy etc! So my consultant said that she will order it for my next appointment and then depending on what I lose this fortnight I will be able to start straight away or wait until I hit the 70! I am so elated as I am again feeling wonderful and like 'ME' again!

So here is to the strictest 2 weeks of my journey, even though as far as I have realised I have been 100% for 98% (unintentional deviations of powdered form of sweetner instead of tablet etc). My strictness (is that even a word???) when feeling crap about it all and while questioning my abilities really rewarded me this fortnight... It's the home stretch now missy moo.... Actually realising refeed is so close now though has already installed fear into me just from hearing about others and the constant changes but I have taken it in my stride up until now so why shouldn't that be any different! If I need to get up 30mins earlier to ensure I'm prepared for the day then that's just what I'll have to do!

Also, tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary (as in 26 weeks not calendar months) so that makes it all the more exciting because he said 6 months and It's going to be closer than what I predicted! YAAAAA HOOOOOOO!

My next two weeks are so manic it's not funny! I have Safe Work 2007 seminars and training sessions, my FINAL day of my Diploma is on Friday (but I still have two assignments to complete before then), our garden and preparation is starting this Saturday, I have Nationals from work in the office for the next 3 weeks and I have already started my to do list of things I want to get finished, done, started before Christmas!

WOW - What a huge year it has been... Cohens, my grandparents both passing, my career going from strength to strength, completion of my hard earned qualifications, more home renos, LB starting a new career and taking on study part time, coming to terms with many demons... And I've never felt more on top of the world...

Well I will leave it there, dont need another novel!

I hope everyone else is doing famously and is on track and celebrating in their success of doing something so amazing for themselves!!!

WILL write more tomorrow...

L x

P.S. Found out what's had me ill - I've become anemic! My body is getting enough iron through the diet and vitamins but it just hasn't been absorbing it! Getting sorted but feeling myself again already...

P.P.S TTOM came today... Told ya Cate - ha ha ha ha ha... just teasing because of our previous joke shared! ha

Take Care...