Hi Cate,
That is a fantastic idea - letting yourself get a little hungry so you learn on a physical level that hunger isn't scary. I am definitely going to do that. I was working a few weeks ago and remember feeling hungry because we were so busy and I hadn't made time to eat. And I remember thinking 'wow, this is tolerable!'
I love that tip. Thank you.
28+1 x

I've been thinking a lot about my self-imposed demand that I lose the weight in 28 weeks and I'm starting to see a pattern. Everything in my life has to be done yesterday. When I started working, I was desperate to progress to the next level, when I moved to the US, I was hungry to get a place and find friends, when I changed industries, I worked myself into the ground so I could quickly rise through the ranks. I have two businesses independent of my day-job and I have slogged to make both of them successful quickly. And now I am contemplating further study (when I move back to Sydney in '10) and as I look at courses I'm wondering what will allow me to fast-track...

What is my obsession with finishing everything yesterday??? My mum always said to me as a kid 'you are very impatient' and I think she was right!

I am fortunate enough to be so sick and tired of myself that I am willing to reconsider everything. Including my relationship with time.

So, I am going to be all radical here and say, it doesn't matter how quickly I achieve my results on Cohen's. What matters is that I stick to it. Day in, day out. I'm all for developing some positive long-term habits. And this has to permeate how I behave in everything I do. I've been pretty obsessed in the last year with quickly finding my soul mate (quick! hurry up, you!) But it's caused me so much stress and I haven't enjoyed my year as a consequence. For some reason I have decided in my head I need to be married right now. So I must go out and do that! But to be truthful here, I haven't had the slightest desire to settle down before this year. It's not like I've been searching all my life. I have had other things on my mind. Now that I am aware of what I want in the relationship sector, why do I need to make it happen right now? Wouldn't it be nice to just enjoy dating with this new motivation in mind? If I don't watch out, I know I'll go crazy, date everyone and quickly settle down all because I have this need to do things yesterday!

So I think I'm even going to change my attitude there. Of course I want to meet someone. Of course I want a good life. But something is really not working for me. I think it's my impatience to just get to where I'm going. And I think that impatience comes from a deeper lack of fulfillment in life. A desire to always be escaping something. Like we all do, I have struggled with my own insecurities. I've always felt like I was 'wrong' in some way. That I wasn't skinny enough, rich enough, social enough... and if I could just quickly plug that hole, I'd finally find happiness. As it turns out, there's nothing 'wrong' with me (nor you for that matter!) And knowing this, I need to stop trying to plug non-existent holes.

Don't get me wrong, I still desperately want to lose weight. But there is a flaw in my approach. If I am still trying at this game after a gigillion unsuccessful attempts, then something in my method needs addressing. And maybe part of that something is my relationship with time.



Done.

28+1, I am impatient like you too. I think it is the results of my childhood environment. I am always expected to reach a goal within a specific time frame and this time frame is calculated with specific progress along the way. If my actual results did not follow the pattern of the flow chart, I get demoralise and start beating myself up for not trying harder.

I have been taught to always compare myself with the best because that is the only way to improve yourself. But now I realise that everyone is unique. I am unique in my own way and I don't have to chase after other people's achievements as long as I am happy with my own life. Yes, there are some people who actually lose a LOT of weight than others in the initial stage of Cohen. During my first trial of Cohen, I introduced a lady to it after I was 1 month in it. This lady lost more weight in 1 month than I had in 2 months. I was so jealous and angry with myself due to my competitive nature. I started doubting my ability and determination to stay in cohen and that was how my deviation started. Then I avoided her in my msn because I was ashamed of myself when compared to her. You know what? Yes, she did lost the weight fast but I don't think she ended the program properly because the last time I saw her, she gained all back and more.


Nowadays I try to see my losing weight time as time that I am setting aside for myself. It is time for me to get to know myself better, take care of myself better as well as to love myself better. After all, if you do not do that, how do you expect people to know and love you?


I think it is important to enjoy the process that you are going through with Cohen. I find that Cohen diet will kind of calm down mood swings which helps to allow me to think about what I really want in life.

I remember Cate mentioned that 28 weeks are a "workable" time to lose 33kg you are targeting but I think you should focus on losing the fat percentage instead of Kgs. Who knows? You might actually gain muscles that are heavier than fat but still look extremely lean and tone?

That's really how I have ended up 2nd time around. First time I was totally "obsessive" and just had to lose it all immediately or I wasn't happy. I did lose it very quickly - but didn't have the long-term vision sorted out.

This time around, I know it's not a race, and although we all DO lose it rapidly, I'm not obsessed with a time-line or deadline, or needing to reach that magic "cure zone" at the end. I know now that there isn't a magic "anything" at the end. The whole journey is how our lives will be - learning to control what we eat and make wise and healthy choices when we open our mouths to put something in. Even though we do eventually refeed and maintain, we will always be on that journey to keep check - not only of our weight, but our emotions which drive our eating compulsions.

So, congratulations for realising all that so early in the piece! Just enjoy the journey along the way, learning about yourself. Give yourself lots of encouragement along the way for what HAS been achieved, and drive away the impatience about what still remains to be done!

Fortnight and 28+1

What a wonderful post! I think if we all put our thoughts and feelings together we could make the best book for people to read who are trying to loose weight! What a wonderful bunch of women you all are and how inspiring to change what you think and feel to aline with how we all really should think and feel!

I am so inspired after reading what you have both wrote that I am not going to really pressure myself to loose my weight ASAP! I also feel like it is a time battle and I am holding my husband back from doing nice exciting things like going to Paris for a week or Spain so that's why I have been in such a race. I am realising that it is not for me that I am racing but for him so that's something I need to think about and address in my own life. I feel like slim will be the Mecca that I am looking for but I know I will still be the same person inside once I get there!

Thanks again for your truley honest and heart felt posts!

xxxnicole

Hi Niyah, it sounds as though you have your head sorted out now! The thing isn't to be perfect the first time around, the thing is to learn from your mistakes! And it sounds like with your new perspective, you have learned what does and doesn't work. Of course, we all want everything yesterday. And that's in everything we do, not just with weight loss. But real wisdom to me is having a true understanding of time. Things take time; relationships, saving for a house, changing careers.... weight loss! They all take time. And it's silly to try and cheat time. I think so anyway.
Great to hear from you, Niyah.
Stay in touch... 28+1 x

Hi Nickychick,
that's a great idea - a book of wisdom on weight loss! I love it! You're right, all the material is here on these boards. We wouldn't need to write any new material. Not a bad idea at all
It's great that you can see you need to monitor your approach. Why race, anyway? We all grew up with the great tale of the hare and the tortoise... the tortoise always wins. Give yourself the time to adjust mentally while you're changing so quickly physically. That's what I think will lead to the most success.
28+1 x

Hi everyone,
Well this is my first post since starting Cohen's on Monday. I may have posted since starting but not about the actual plan. So far so good.
Days 1-3 were completely fine. Although I didn't eat the crackers or the fruit allowance. In typical me-fashion, I was trying to cut corners. I do it unconsciously! Always trying to make things exist my way! Why do I do that when Cohen's is known to work for so many? I think it's because I have honestly never been slim so I still have doubts in my mind that this plan can work for me. Yep, I am not expecting to lose more than about 20 kilos. I hope you're right that I can make it to goal this time. That will be the most amazing shock to my life, I can't even tell you! I am someone who isn't trying to get back to her '20's weight' or her 'high school weight'... no, I'm actually trying to get to a slim look for the first time in my life! Wow.
Anyway, on day 4 I introduced some of the crackers. They make such a difference! So I've decided to throw in my idea of making this hard and difficult and 'my own' and doing it the way it's prescribed. I mean, I won't just eat all the crackers, but I will have them if I need them. Same with the fruit.
My staples now seem to be yogurt with mango for breakfast, chicken, asparagus and celery soup for lunch and a meat or fish and veg for dinner.
I've been having all my water which hasn't been easy. But it's definitely do-able.
I've also found my moods to be okay... except for yesterday. I felt really lonely last night as I contemplated how uncomfortable I feel in my skin and also how limited my social life is for the next six months. I am going to try hard to be out and about despite being on Cohen's. I'm going to make lots of 'tea dates' and walks in the park, rather than centering everything around food... might be an interesting experiment...
well, i'm off now. going downtown this morning for a meeting about some potential work. i freelance so work is on and off. i like it that way!
I had a friend email me about a job for three weeks starting probably next week. In the email it was stated there'd be a lot of travel to west coast (California) so I decided not to apply for it. I don't want to jeopardize my success on this plan. I truly feel more than ready for a real life change so will put my all into this.
Well, hope this finds you all well. Please say hello if you're looking around
28+1 x

Hi Fornight,
I hear you on the impatience... and the jealousy of others' successes. I too am realizing it's not worth basing your whole life around these things. I used to be so competitive. Not so much because my parents wanted me to win but just because I wanted to win... at EVERYTHING. It might be almost cute to be like that as a kid but it's definitely an unattractive quality in adults! I have definitely let go of it a lot over the past few years. I'm much more spiritual these days and just trusting that there is a path for me that will make me happy. That's where jealousy stems from, I think - actually fearing that there's nothing out there meant for you.
Thanks for your honest words. I am with you on Cohen's, all the way.
28+1 x

Hi 28+1, In just one week of Cohen's you are much more self aware than I ever was. I was never confident that I could lose 36kgs. When I first started I was very sceptical but I am a trusting person & I found out about Cohen's by chance, made an appointment before I could talk myself out of it & was so impressed with my consultant that I signed up on the spot. She is so full of life, fit & slim, not skinny and I thought she was marvellous. I have never been driven or had much self-confidence so I followed the program 100%.
Then I found the forum & read so many posts of those who had come before me. I devoured them. I learned so much from them but mostly I saw how people struggled to get back on the program when they deviated off it. I also read how few calories we eat per day so I didn't contemplate cutting anything out. I was a follower. I didn't question it, just did it.
I followed Cohen's 100% for 28 weeks & I mean 100% more because that's how I am. Or I really should say was.
Cohen's did not change my life but I know I have changed how I feel about myself partly thanks to losing the fat layer that I used to hide behind. The weight as you say is only a small part of learning to love yourself. You have the brains to know what other tools to use. I got to goal weight & then found I still felt bad about myself & had counselling for the first time in my life.
Now I know I have to constantly work on it. I never used to read motivational books for eg. As I said I have never felt the need to push myself.
28+1-Before long you will know that Cohen's will work for you. It took me ages to be able to see that I was shrinking. It will take ages for your brain to catch up with your eyes. I still occasionally think of myself as fat & I have to look in the mirror naked, stand sideways etc & tell myself that I'm not. I never would have dreamed it was possible and I still find it hard to believe. But I did & therefore anybody can do it and I'm positive that you will too. Just don't try to analyse it too much.
I'm sorry if I have rambled on a bit in your diary. You remind me very much of my very intelligent, lovely, late sister. She is one of the reasons I needed therapy. LOL. I lived in her shadow though & felt invisible & stupid. I think you are the only person other than the therapist that I think I have told that.
I'm really enjoying your diary and taking a lot from it for myself. It has taken me a long time to get to the stage that I am at now. I wouldn't exactly say I am brimming with self-confidence. Far from it. But I know that I am a good person & have a lot to contribute in life & I have to keep telling myself that rather than stewing over things. I almost always think that I have offended someone somehow. I wish I could get over that one!
If I go back & check this I know I will delete most of it so will just say bye for now, cheers, Cate.

Hi Cate, wow, you are the most wonderful support. Thank you for your lovely words. I am going to incorporate fruit and crackers from here on in. For SURE! This is a habit of mine - to make my life harder than it needs to be. I was always told as a kid I had such a pretty face, yet I went the hard path in finding success in relationships because I covered myself with fat. Why do I do this? It's nuts! I know so many of us do it but it's such a shame.

Regarding your sister. Wow. That really touched me. You know, I have a younger sister (10 years younger) who I love with all my heart. And i fear she has grown up in my shadow. My mother was always telling her she should be more like me. I used to take her aside and say "don't listen to a word mum says. You MUST be your own person. I'm screwed up (I even knew then!) Anyway, she's definitely different to me now and I think she resents me somewhat. I don't know. Maybe that's in my imagination. But I have often felt so bad for how she must have been made to feel. I was nothing amazing... but my mum for some reason idolized me.

Cate, you have obviously had immense pain at losing your sister. I can't even imagine what a hole it must leave in your life. I am so glad though that you have good memories. I'm glad too that you have a wonderful husband and sons. And you know what; the feeling that you don't contribute is always just within. It's never how others feel. You are all of your friends and your family's world. Just like they are yours. It's a funny thing that we go through life not conscious of this. But it's absolutely the truth.

You're awesome, Cate!

28+1 x

28+1, I just got a little teary I must admit. There are so many parallels between us. My sister was always the pretty one, always the top of her class, very intelligent and very popular. She was the 2nd eldest in the family & was 4yrs older than me. I had an older brother, older sister, younger brother, younger sister. Classic middle child.
Teachers would sometimes ask me why I was not as smart as my sister or as good as her at French for example. It has only been in the last 5 years that I have really "come into my own" and that was partly because we spoke about it at great length & shed many tears together. She was so upset that I remembered things that she had said to me when I was young that had really hurt me & she had trouble believing that she had actually said them. Once she said she admired my simplicity. She tried explaining what she must have meant & said she really did envy the fact that I was not driven.
All her life she has felt driven towards something & never ever felt that she had done enough or was never good enough & she suffered badly from depression. Whatever she achieved she then set the bar higher. She got a scholarship to Melbourne University at the age of 16 and continued with study until she got sick.
I used to idolise her I think & before she died we found out so much more about one another. She was able to instill in me her belief in my goodness. It was very liberating & empowering to find out that she thought so well of me.
I loved her so much & always will but she is no longer up on a pedestal. She helped teach me to believe in myself.
She does not know that I have lost all of my weight but I know she would be really proud of me but the main thing is that I am proud of myself. I am no longer dependent on her opinion but I carry her love & approval of whatever I do and always will. That is very special. Her husband never wasted words but he once told me that I was such a good person & I don't think I have ever felt that a compliment was so well meant. They live on in my heart & have helped make me who I am but I know that it is up to me to make sure that I believe that I am worthy.
28+1- I'm doing it again. Filling up your diary! Right from your first post I felt a strong connection & the similarity to my sister may have been why. If you get a chance please talk to your sister about it, even if tears accompany the conversation, as I know I am so grateful that my sister & I had the chance to before she died. It helped me move on with my life and cleared up many of my misconceptions.
How you feel others see you growing up really does help form how you feel about yourself. I would have greatly benefited from counselling when I was in my early 20's but I am enjoying my life now & am the happiest I have ever been. Better late than never.
Thank you 28+1 for your really kind words. They have capped off a really good day. They were good tears!! xoxo Cate

Hey 28+1

Just reading through your diary and it's fantastic! It's funny how much we learn by being on a restricted program where we dont have the freedom to just eat what we like. I am inspired by your wisdom and your strength!
If you desire to be married one day then it will happen. I believe that there is a path and a plan for each of our lifes and it's about discovering what just might happen around the corner. I believe that if there are certain passions in your heart than they will come about in there due course we just musn't rush it. It's funny though as I never thought I would be married at such a young age. I always thought I would be 30+ years with my career in tact and my life sorted and planned but it didn't work out like that. I was lucky to meet my husband when I was 16years old but never even knew it, you just never know what might happen.

I like you also never thought that I could get to the "cohens goal weight" as growing up I was always large and due to the fact that I am tall could carry extra weight. I could NEVER get out of the 80 kg's period no matter how hard I tried and dieted, so the fact that cohen's does work for me was such a complete SHOCK!!!!

Well I hope you have a wonderful weekend All the best for the road ahead
xxxnicole

Hello Cate and Nickychick,

Cate: once again, thanks for a lovely post. It's wonderful to hear that the last five years of your life have been the best. It's so cool to think we can just keep on lifting the lies that cloud our vision, and keep on enjoying life more. I wonder all the time what I'm thinking right now that I could afford to re-think or let go of. I have changed a lot over the years. I used to have soooo many hangups. I can't even begin to tell you them all. And I've dealt with so much. I'm relatively free compared to who I used to be. The last frontier will be finding my soul mate and settling down. All in good time but man I feel so ready.

In terms of talking to my sister (your advice), I'm not sure what I'd say. I spent my life supporting her and building her confidence. I think it's more my mum that needs to talk to her. If my sister resents me (which I'm not 100% sure she does), I think it's because my mum seemed to idolise me. But I don't know how I could have changed that. I used to tell my mum not to be so 'pro me' in front of my sister. But she wouldn't stop. It's not that she didn't love my sister, either. But she just seemed to put me on a pedestal. Anyway, I could imagine early on how hard that must have been for my sister and that's why I focused on her so much. Part of the reason, anyway.

Nickychick: wow, you think my diary's cool? Awesome! Thanks. Yes, I have thought this issue of weight loss through so much and I guess I do feel I have a lot of knowledge on the subject. But knowing and doing are two different things. I need to focus on practicing what I know

Thanks so much for giving me confidence re: the soul mate thing... or at least the being married thing. I remember thinking when I was 13 or 14 "I promise I'll never ever get married". And I said that because I looked at my mum and was petrified of creating a similar life for myself. It's so sad, but that decision has shaped so much of my life. Now I realize I don't have to create the same life she had. And I'm trying to untangle my beliefs so I can create new possibilities. I've had way too much depression in my life. In fact, I think I was depressed from about 12-32. Seriously. I know lots of people struggle with it so my struggle is nothing special. But somehow, something I did or the accumulation of all that I've done has finally lifted the darkness. I'm not depressed anymore! It's a wonderful feeling to know it's over. And now I need to sort out the rest of my life and keep on turning towards the sun.

I found yours and Cate's words about Cohen's working for me very encouraging. Thinking the diet won't work is old thinking. And I need to let that belief go. I have always thought I was a 'special case'. That's a classic thinking pattern of a depressed person. You think you're so separate to mankind that universal laws don't apply to you. I've really let this one go on Cohen's now and I am following the plan to the letter, and loving all my snacks (the crackers and fruit!) It makes everyday much easier.

Thanks, lovely ladies,

28+1 x

Today I was supposed to go to a friend's party. I keep telling the world I am looking for my soul mate, so why is it that I didn't go in the end? I would like to feel better in my skin before I get out there on the scene again. I know I can't wait forever, but I did succumb to the need today. I feel guilty, and self-centered, and lazy.

Part of it is that it's still my first week of Cohen's and I don't want to jeopardize my success. Starting from tomorrow (beginning of week 2), I promise myself no more avoiding life and people and parties. Except for meals at restaurants