Today has not been easy at all.
I know why I eat! It's to bury feelings.
I've felt angry all day. Well not so much angry
as very irritable.
I went out for a bit and all I could see were cafes,
bagels and everything that's out of bounds.
I didn't break, of course. But man, temptation
is a killer.
On my way home, I found myself being annoyed
by everyone I encountered. I went into a health food
store and asked if they had essential oils. They did.
I asked if they had any testers so I could smell them
and they said 'no, we've never heard of oils being tested'.
I promptly marched back out to get my supposed revenge.
I may just be irritable from the lack of milk and caffeine in my
life. I feel like milk calms me down.
Alright, off again.

Bye for now
28+1 x

Don't be too hard on yourself for avoiding social occasions. We all have different ways of trying to "cope" that first few weeks on this diet, and I definitely made sure I did NOT go anywhere I thought I might be tempted.

Life will change - and for the better - but you have to do a few hard weeks first. When you are confident, you WILL go out and have a great time with friends again.

(Don't know what happened - I just lost the rest of this post. Now - what was I saying?)

You'll find other ways of de-stressing and getting over a bad day. Withdrawal from caffeine and comfort foods is always very hard. Not only do you have the withdrawal itself, but you have to find other things to do to replace your previous habits. I always used to de-stress by stuffing myself with chocolate - only short-term successful, because of course the weight kept piling on and I wasn't happy in the long run anyway. Now I am much more likely to have a bath or something.

When days are really bad, sometimes the only good thing is that the day eventually ends. If you need to just "hole up" and get over it, don't feel guilty about doing it. Your brain is going to play lots of tricks on you these first couple of weeks. If you hear the "it won't work for YOU" voice, stomp it quick! (Or "You don't deserve to be skinny anyway" etc etc etc).

I predict that in about another month, you will be feeling really great about yourself and look back on these days as just the "hump" you had to get over to really get to know yourself and love yourself for what you are.

Everything you had to say above makes so much sense! I love the idea of the bath when you need to de-stress. I have actually been making a point of stopping in at one of the many nail salons in nyc and just having a quick 10 minute massage. It doesn't cost a lot (say $12) and it really is soooo lovely. I keep thinking that as long as I am healthy, I need to afford treats like this for myself.

Do you have an active social life these days? How far into the program were you before you felt comfortable to start going out again? I have a get together with friends on Thursday night and another on Friday night. So I'm going to need to be prepared. I'll definitely take my food with me. On Saturday night, a friend of mine has asked me to come and stay at his house. He is married with a little girl. I didn't really want to tell him (but I obviously had to!) about Cohen's and he said 'no problem, just bring your scales with you!'. I was relieved.

Thanks, Niyah. All good advice here.

28+1

Hello to anyone who finds themselves reading this. Well, it's 8:45am and I am up early today. I have been getting up closer to 10 because when I don't have a work schedule to stick to, I naturally find I am more inclined to stay
up late (say 'til 3am). Today though I need to return to the land of the living as I have a job int. at 11 and another at 1pm. The one at 1pm is a two month assignment. It's my second int. and I am quite confident I'm going to get the job. It will be perfect. Two months on and then I can have another break again. I LOVE freelance work.

Yesterday wasn't the easiest day in terms of emotions but choosing the right foods wasn't hard. I know I'm on this until Christmas (at least!) so I'm just accepting that now. I'm not even wishing I wasn't on it.

Last night I made the most divine fish soup. I've never made fish soup before. Man, I am in love with herbs and spices! I was just looking on amazon to buy a book about herbs and spices as I'd love to build a working
knowledge of all of them. Anyway, in the end I decided that if I get the job today, I'll head to the bookstore and buy myself the book I want.

The last few weeks have been ever so lazy for me! I've always been a type A++ type person. I used to get up at 5am so I could fit everything I needed into my busy day. But now I am slowing down a bit which I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to do. I still want to get back into the habit of waking up at 5 but I do want to re-prioritize.

It's cold here this morning... which is bizarre because it's almost July so it should be scorching hot. I have my blanket wrapped around me and I'm listening to the radio playing in someone's apt across the way. 'More than a woman... oh oh oh, more than a woman to me-eeeee'. You get the drift

Alright, I am getting up now to go and cook up my lunch. I am going to have marinated chicken with veges. I have marinated the chicken in all sorts of spices. As I said, spices are my new thing.

Have a great day!

28+1 xxx

Because I work so much right now I don't have a huge social life (not a party kind but I spent heaps of time with other people, and out), but it has probably been about 3 weeks each time before I would even THINK about going out to a really social occasion, and maybe 4 if it involved devouring of a lot of food.

I just know my own state of mind on those kind of things. If I was somewhere where great food was on offer within the first month, I always felt like it was "wasted" if I didn't at least eat some of it. It has taken longer than that both times to train myself that it's WORSE to eat it and put it straight on my waist line.

The first time I HAD to go to a 50th birthday party 3 weeks into the diet. I was scared stiff, as it was a fairly close friend and would have been particularly rude to refuse. So I just said in advance all the apologies but WOULD BE BRINGING MY OWN FOOD AND DRINK. I felt SOOOOOooooo silly, but was really glad I did because it trained me not to worry about what anyone else was eating or drinking, just to look after myself. If I could not get out of a social occasion in the early part of the diet, I would definitely say I would be bringing my own supplies - food, drink, or whatever. I have learnt to just enjoy other people enjoying themselves and having a good time, offer to get them things, and have little tricks to cope when I feel like freaking out because I'm the only one not able to 'join in'. So I'm one of those hopeless people who will sometimes go and clean up or something if it all gets too much that I'm not doing what everyone else is doing. Mostly, though, it isn't a problem - depends on my mood, time of month and so on.

As time goes by, the tricks increase and you get good and looking at stuff and assessing what you can do, how you can avoid stuff. But by then it's all second nature and you just forget about what other people are doing. In fact, I no longer want what they want, and don't want to eat what they eat etc. Most people I would hang out with much know not to bother me too much, and I get by when faced with new situations and people.

If you are out with a few friends, it's easier. If it's a bigger occasion, it's kind of harder. Just play it by ear, make sure you have a little support circle, or at least ONE person who understands around the place when you're out if you possibly can - makes life a lot easier.

I cheat a lot because husband is very skinny, and I sometimes hive stuff off onto him if I end up in a position where I'm being given something I don't want. Like, if his mother served me potato or something (don't think she would), I would just quietly dump it on his plate.

hello all,
well, it's been a while since i last posted. i am now half way through week 3.
i feel good, although I do have one problem. everyday at about 10:30/11am, i need a nap! it's not so easy to just put my head down at work! especially since i'm freelancing so it's usually two week gigs where it's quite intense and then i move on. there's never really enough familiarity to say 'ok, nap time people!'. i don't think they'd understand.

the hardest part is over though (i think). last week i went out thursday and friday nights. on both nights the alcohol was flowing as were the cheese fries and buffalo chicken wings! i didn't even blink when i looked at the food. i am focused.

i had a great little sign of encouragement on the friday night! a random guy at the bar we were at came over and complimented me and asked me if he could buy me a drink sometime. we've played telephone tag a few times but it looks like we'll go out next week. i'd love a boyfriend! so who knows, we'll see

oh, one other big decision i made is to become a health councilor. there's a course over here i'll be starting in feb. i can't wait. the premise behind the course is that the only reason people overeat is because they're missing out on primary food (like love, fulfillment, security). i see myself running workshops with women, sharing all the stuff ive learned and helping people to get what they need so food becomes a secondary focus rather than an obsession.

okay, that's all from me for now. i have missed reading everyone else's posts and will try getting back into that!

all the best, hope this finds everyone well and focused!

28+1 x

Hi 28+1- It seems like I have not been focussing well in here lately. I drifted off for a week or so I think. In an earlier post you said "I know why I eat. It's to bury feelings" rang so true for me. I am really enjoying reading your diary & I hope that sharing your feelings with us & bringing them out in the open for yourself as well is helping you as much as I know it helps me. Interesting re yr random guy encounter. You have a very positive vibe about you atm. Also re the Health Counsellor. All good!! Cheers for now, Cate

Hi Cate!
It's so good to hear from you!
And yes, it's been a while.
I have been busy with my new job plus I have been
collecting all my thoughts and building a website. It's a
all about sharing my philosophy of what works in life
to improve yourself. i will post the link here when it's in a good enough
state for everyone to see!
okay, well I am coming over now to your diary to catch up on you!
Oh, before I go, I'd just like to share with everyone my day yesterday.
I went to a friend's house for a BBQ for July 4 celebrations (American Independence Day). Wow, it was hard. The food smelled sooo good on the BBQ and they also made strawberry milkshakes and the wine was flowing. Anyway, I of course did not break but I did feel a little 'blah'. Food has always been what I use to make the day interesting. It's tough when you don't have food to do that anymore. I tried focusing on my friends and the other people there instead. That was hard. But it was possible and I lasted.
It's all about habits, anyway. So overtime it will become easier and easier I'm sure.

Ciao for now.
28+1

Hey 28+1

How are you doing? I have read a little of your diary and I cant wait to read your website... YAY what a great idea

How is your weight-loss going? You should get yourself a ticker so you can keep track. I know it REALLY encourages me when I see how much I have lost and how much I have to go- it keeps me on track.

Hope your doing well and I just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading what you write!

xxxnicole

Hi 28+1,
"Food has always been what I use to make the day interesting."
Now this is interesting. For most of us food has been much more than food & not about nutrition. It will be good when we can get food back into perspective. That's half the battle. It's only food. I hope you enjoyed the company of your friends on July 4th. I know what a big day it is there although not as big as Thanksgiving perhaps. I might be wrong.
I, too, am looking forward to seeing your web-site. I would love to be able to set one up and actually attempt to make some money from it but have no idea how. That would be fun & a new challenge!
Hope all is well with you and look forward to hearing more about your life. It may not seem interesting to you but it sure is to me. The difference between where & how you are living & where I am living & how is huge! Cheers, Cate

Hello hello!

Firstly, hello to Cate, Nickychick and Niyah who've stopped by recently.
Nickychick, you'll notice I have posted my tracker below... I had to make a new one which was a tad annoying. Is there a way to ensure it's there all the time? Actually don't even answer that! I am being lazy. I will work it out

Niyah, how are you? it's been a while since I have exchanged with you but I often find myself thinking of you... hope it's all going well.

Cate, so good to hear from you Cate. Thanks for you message re: eating and feelings. Interestingly, even on Cohen's, I see how that pattern manifests itself. I've noticed that when someone offends me or upsets me, I'll often reach for a piece of fruit or a rice cracker. Even though it's not nearly as damaging as what I once reached for, it's interesting that I still look to food to deal with my emotions. I find this pattern fascinating and love that I can catch myself in the act these days!

Now - to my good news.... drum roll.... 4 WEEKS DONE!!!!

Yes, I have just completed 4 weeks and when I weighed myself this morning I was 20 lbs down. That's 9 kilos lost! Woo hoo!

I am about to take my measurements now. I feel only a bit smaller but i'm sure it's taken off more than I expect.

I would love to know what some of you lost in your first four weeks... if anyone is willing to share. I found myself using this as evidence again that Cohen's won't work for me. WHAT! Is she crazy? You're probably thinking... well I can see your point. But you know the mind and its crazy antics. Mine tried to convince me that the best is now over as it relates to Cohen's. I heard my voice saying "now the losses will slow down to nothing" and then I imagined the Cohen's doctors telling me I'm an exceptional to the rule and they simply can't explain why I can't lose.

Oh dear.

Anyway, at least I see myself doing it.

Other than this, life is going great. I am about to finish my current freelance assignment and had an interview this morning for another job that will last three months. It's closer to home which is wonderful as right night I've got to take an epic journey to and from work.

So yes, everything is good. But I realize I am hungry for luuuurve
I went out on my date on Friday night but the guy wasn't my type. Honestly, he just wanted to jump my bones which I wasn't interested in... not with a stranger, that ain't my style.

I keep imagining the day when I will finally find my man. I can't wait to have that comfort in my life. The joy of sharing everyday. I know it's coming... it has to. I couldn't possibly go the rest of my life feeling this way, all to no avail. I just hope he shows his face soon.

Hi 28+1, I like your sense of humour and your insight. Sometimes I think we can over-analyse but when it comes to comfort-eating the more the better!-
" it's interesting that I still look to food to deal with my emotions. I find this pattern fascinating and love that I can catch myself in the act these days!"
Good for you. Being aware is half the battle. Being determined to change that pattern is the next step. You are a very smart woman obviously & determined & I feel sure that you will keep making the changes necessary to break that pattern.
Re: Believing it will happen-
I put a list of measurements in my diary somewhere but I am not sure where they are. They are quite mind-boggling. So is the length of my diary! The fat just kept melting off me on a regular basis all the way through to GW, although I had trouble seeing that. I'll have a search sometime for my measurements at 4 weeks when I have a spare few hours to wade through my diary. I lost my exercise book with all that info somewhere in our local town a long time ago. I hope I didn't have my name in it!
Love will come to you 28+1. You deserve it! Everyone deserves to love & be loved. Luck comes into who you meet & when & then it's a matter of what you choose to do with it. I count myself so very lucky & wish everyone the same good fortune. It will come & when it does you will know it straight away. He will want to know everything about you (& will still want to 'jump your bones!' LOL!) You did make me laugh! I'm glad for your sake that you're not like that.
Cheers for now, Cate

Hi 28 weeks etc, glad you are still going so well. I'm pretty sure I lost around 8kg in the first month this time, and about 9kg last time.

Yes, the weight loss "slows down" but don't let your head try and do you in over it. You will still lose FAT - lots of it. The big loss the first while takes into account shedding fluid, and much less food in the gut etc. But yes, the body does have a startling ability to get rid of fat fast in the first while, then desperately try and hang on to it.

If you can honestly just chill and enjoy the ride, your body will look after itself, and the fat will consistently disappear. We always want the "reward" of the numbers on the scale looking good (and I'm no different!), but have a LOT of confidence in the fact that many have done this before, and it just WORKS!!!!! Relax if you can, and just stick with it all the way.

You are doing fantastically!

My life is a big mess right now - won't go into it all here, but have a pretty sick youngest son with psychological problems. Has been hospitalised for 2 weeks, and it's mighty stressful. He's in the public system, and I want to shift him over to the private. That's going to be a tricky business to negotiate right now, for lots of reasons. This means my life is a round of hospital visits, talks, appointments, and STRESS. The diet has had to take a back seat for the moment. I am not giving up - I just can't think about it right now. I do things right when I can, and I will get back to serious business whenever I can. In the meantime my goal is not to undo all the good I've been able to do this year. That seems to be how life goes - make a gain, try and hang on to it! But just now, I'm like a really taut piece of string that's going to snap, so I just have to go with the flow. We've had a lot of messy meals, fast food and so on. I don't eat chips and junk, but usually just resort to eating some kind of asian stir fry or something - no rice. That's about as good as it gets at the moment.

But - hopefully your life is going tons better and you can just concentrate on doing this 100%!! I read everyone's diaries, even though my life is going all pear shaped at this stage. I love seeing everyone finally feel they can get this issue sorted, and discover lots of things about themselves along the way.

Well, it's nearly the end of week 5. Gosh time flies. I really can't believe I have lasted this long. And I've no desire to break. Ok, so last night I was remembering with fondness how nice a latte and a bagel are together for breakfast. But they're not good enough to put up with my thunder thighs. Besides, mango and yogurt rock my socks!

Niyah: I am sorry to hear of your current difficulties. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to watch your kids go through difficulties. I know I've only ever wanted the absolute best for my sister and when she struggles, i struggle. I love her more than life. I hope your son gets better. As hard as it is, I guess all you can do is realize we each have our own paths. And your path right now is health and wellbeing. So please don't neglect yourself. Food really isn't a comfort. It's a trick of the mind to think it is. It only keeps you stuck and stops you from facing life fully. Anyway, I know things are tough and I really hope you're okay.

Hi Cate! How are you today my dear? Thanks for you words once again. I love what you said about my man and how I'll know it's him as soon as I meet him. Do you know I spend so much time imagining walking down the aisle to marry him. How funny is that? I was never one of those girls. NEVER! Yet I've turned all soppy and girlie in my old age. Anyway, patience is the word! He'll show his face when he's ready. It's just wonderful that somehow inside I know it will happen. I used to have so much doubt that it would. Cohen's has a lot to do with it. As I'm losing weight I'm just loving what I'm seeing! No man will be able to resist me eventually, mwah ah ahhhhhhhhhH!

tomorrow i am having my second blood test. i am excited to see the results. i still feel great. i feel fantastic actually. and i just feel so connected to people. gosh, food was such a crutch. my body was such a dumping ground for so many years. LOVE all the healing i'm experiencing right now. It's about bl--dy time though. I've been a searcher since my teens and it's only now that i really feel i've cracked through some glass ceiling of awareness. i can really see now. it's wonderful!

i'm going to niagra falls this weekend. i'm going to go out and buy an esky tomorrow so i can pack all my meals. i told my friend and she's fine with it. i told her that under no circumstances will i deviate. there's just too much at stake.

i can't WAIT till the end of the year when i hit goal. i can't wait to post you all my pics so you can see what a giant i was and what a femme fatale i'm gonna be!

love to all. smiles on your dials. xxx

Smiles on our dials? Sweet-heart you have me grinning from ear to ear!! Your words are music to my ears & I am loving seeing this new person emerging &, most importantly loving the fact that you are learning to see who you really are & loving what you see! Fan-bloody-tastic!!
He is going to be one lucky man! I am a dreamer & a hopeless, soppy romantic. I love people and I am no longer going to hide my feelings & myself.
Life, love & friendship is wonderful! Have a ball at Niagara Falls with your friend.I look forward to hearing what she says about your new attitude. I love it!
xoxoxo Cate