28, the "starving" times for me always co-incide with coming up to TOM - do you notice this? That way I'm kind of prepared for it mentally - to tough it out that week.

Bed bugs are something I have never come across, though I gather in Oz they are getting to be a problem in some parts, especially at backpackers etc. Yuk!!! I find mozzies sucking blood bad enough.

Hi Niyah,
Today was definitely better, and no, no link to TOM.
I don't know what the hunger yesterday was all about!
I had the exterminator come by today so am back in my apt
this evening. What relief! Although I couldn't stay here today
so had to wander the streets and hang out in Starbucks.

Anyway, I am here 'cause I decided to update my tracker so
I could see my total weight loss. It's taken me over a year to lose
the 79lbs.

See ya!
28+1 xxxxx

Hey 28+1

I had a crazy hungry day the other day and I figured out why. It was that I normally have chicken or beef for lunch and I had the cheese option. By dinner time I was so hungry I was really looking forward to a nice hearty beef meal ehich seems to fill me up the most as it is the hardest to digest. If you get really hungry again I suggest trying to eat some beef. Also I seem to get a little peckish mid morning so I just have some DC (Diet coke) and some honeydew melon and the hunger disappears all together :-)

You go girl, your doing SO well. Just think how close your getting to your goal now and how exciting it's going to be when you reach it!

xx nic

Hi 28+1, I used to have hungry days too & used to just change around my meals. I would have meal 3 for lunch for eg or like Nic have beef instead of fish. Fish digests so quickly that i get hungry sooner. I also used to save my crackers & a fruit for an hour before my next meal was due & that helped me get through 'til meal time. Speaking of which.....lunch time. Hope those bed bugs are well & truly gone. You poor thing! Cheers for now, Cate

Firstly, thanks Cate and Nicky for your suggestions on staving off the hunger.
They are good suggestions... I should definitely change things up a bit as I do tend to get in a food rut. These days I'm eating the following:

Breakfast: egg with zucchini, tomato and onion
Lunch: chicken and veg stir fry
Dinner: chicken and asparagus and celery soup
Snacks: 3 apples and rice crackers
Water: 1.5 liters

That's me everyday! I did buy some seafood but didn't prepare it in time so had to throw it out.

I should probably try some red meat although I'm really not a big fan.

Well, regardless, I am surviving. I'm now at the 10 week point. That feels great. 10 weeks is a long time. I am impressed with my staying power. The cravings are so minimal (mostly non existent) that it hasn't been that hard. Although this week was certainly one of the toughest. Mostly because:

- I went out to lunch with some old friends (like a mini reunion). They were all boozing and eating very yummy looking pasta dishes and sandwiches. I explained that I couldn't partake and just sipped tea. I felt a bit crazy but whatever!

- Work was quite stressful... well at least long! One day I ate lunch at 1pm then found out I was required to stay till about 8:30 (abuse!) I didn't get home to cook until 9. I had food in my mouth by 9:15 but what a loooong break between lunch and dinner!

- I couldn't sleep much due to the extreme heat. It's been a stinking hot week. I can't recall ever being this hot before. I was sweating just lying on my bed at night. I find it so odd that the nights are hotter than the days. I thought the sun made the temperature soar? But in NYC, the heat is worse at night.

Anyway, by last night (friday night) I was so exhausted I thought I could faint. I was starving again and made an extra large broth (i.e. added more water than usual!) in my soup. My stomach was so bloated!

Today I've woken up feeling much better. I am so happy I don't have to work again until Wednesday.

My contract has been extended for another month where I am currently working. This is good news.

Hopefully after August is finished with, and the heat has passed, I will have the energy to do some yoga. I'd love to be just a little bit active. Kind of bored just doing cohen's and waiting, waiting, waiting. I find it hard to just get on with my life. A friend of mine is heading upstate with a bunch of people for a big birthday bash but I said I couldn't come as I couldn't see how I'd have the energy to hang out and be social and also follow cohen's.

I think my low energy is in large part due to the heat. The heat has been insane.

Good news: I have two dates coming up this week. They both seem really decent too.

28+1 xxxx

Hi 28+1

Looks like your doing great! I am only on day 2 so far and am very hungry!
I cant wait to get in to the grove of it and find it easier!!! Well done on not eating when you went out! 82.5lb is amazing and you must look great for it!!!

Keep it up and good luck with the dates!!!
Jim

Hey 28+1

I have been eagerly awaiting your return for another update :-) Glad to hear that everything is going well except for the heat. I know how hot it gets in Aus and it makes even existing hard as you always need the air-con on and fans blowing through the night to sleep. SO excited about your dates, lucky girl 2 of them!!!!!!! At least you can choose between the two, nice!

WOW I didn't realise that you had lost so much weight all up? Did you loose 82.5lbs in 10 weeks? My my how time fly's!

Take care of yourself and I am so glad that you have been doing so well on the program
xxx nicole

Hey Nicky,

I just posted you a long message in your thread... but what I didn't answer was you q. regarding my overall weight loss. It has taken me a year to lose the 83 lbs. I have lost 34 in the 10 weeks I have been on Cohen's.

28+1 x

Hi 28+1, I too have so much trouble coping with heat. You also have such a busy lifestyle so even though you say you feel like you are waiting, waiting it sounds to me that you are always on the move. It must be a crazy life in New York! Two dates!! Excellent! May one of them the one. He's out there! Well done on your contract being extended too. I can understand that you are getting a little impatient to be at goal but I think you should give yourself lots of credit for being so determined & strong. I think it is truly admirable! I love reading your posts & about your life over there. It is so different to mine & is really interesting. I wouldn't swap & don't want to live in a city ever again but I do enjoy reading about it. Thanks for sharing your life with us & for your insights & support. Don't forget to tell us about the dates. I'm an incurable romantic! Fingers crossed for you, xo Cate.

Good to hear you are still going well with everything, 28, and you sound really sorted and organised.

I'm not a huge fan of red meat, but if I am going to eat it, I like it to be really worthwhile, so I will pay more and buy a really good piece of steak and savour it! I seem to be mostly stuck on chicken - just seems so versatile with what can be done with it. I'm really poor on eating seafood though.

Your weight loss has been really fabulous - you must be so happy! Even though you will ultimately get largely to the "end" of weight-loss, the journey to keep yourself as you wish to be will go on. This is something I didn't understand really well the first time I did Cohen's, because I thought it would be a "cure" for how I was. I didn't really take on the whole concept of a life-long journey, even though as a "head fact" I knew that must be the case. This time around I think I am dealing with that whole concept a lot better.

Anyway, best of luck for the week and the dates. Love to hear your progress!

Hello everyone,

Firstly thank you Cate, Niyah And Nicky for your posts. I am glad you all enjoy reading my thread. I find it quite cathartic to write down my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes (as I'm sure you all can relate) it feels weird to just put the truth out there into the internet ether but I do think I have a responsibility to always be honest and share my truth. You never know who might benefit. Having been through some dark times what has struck me since was how no one really seemed to "get" what I was going through. I often wonder who I know who does understand but doesn't have the guts to discuss. Maybe they could have saved me some wasted years. Who knows!? Maybe those years weren't actually a waste. Sometimes it just seems like they couldn't be called anything else.

Yesterday and today I am working. Thank goodness it's only two days this week. I find work so exhausting and unpleasing. I try and remain positive but.... ah, it's hard. Transitioning careers is not an easy thing. To be honest, I've been transitioning out of my current career for about the last 4 years. And I've only been in this field for 5!

Onto matters health and weight: I've noticed a few times now that when I look in the mirror I seem to be getting bigger. Yesterday I swear my head was the size of an overgrown watermelon! I take it it's a dose of body dysmorphia I'm experiencing... I am trying not to pay too much attention to it but it is quite unsettling. If I wasn't clued into the tricks the mind can play on you, I'd be a mess right now!

Outside of work and weight, everything is pretty full on right now. I'm learning HTML coding so I can build a new look and feel for my website, I'm doing my life coaching certification and also learning the piano. So I'm pretty busy. Plus am also dating a bit here and there and continuing with my daily meditation. I've also signed up to do a one-week course in feb/mar in Hawaii on the philosophy of yoga. It's theory based which I love and the required reading is An Autobiography Of A Yogi. A pretty long read. Plus, I'm attending a weekend seminar on meditation in a few weeks time and then one on Tantra in October. So am quite busy, all in all!

Okay, well I better get off my lazy behind and get ready for work. I fear today will be a looong one. I have actually decided that as of today I am reintroducing coffee back into my life. Nicky, reading your threads made me think coffee is a bit of a treat that gets you through. I feel so spent by the end of the workday, I think I need coffee. I could do much worse.

Okay, off to have a shower, wash the hair, get gorgeous, and get coffee. My first one in nearly 3 months. Yay!

Bye for now.

28, it really is just the mind playing tricks on you as to how you interpret what you see in the mirror. You lose a bit from the bust and then the waist seems to "stick out". Or you lose a bit on the waist and the bum or legs suddenly look too big.

What I find really works is looking at other people. I wasn't aware at first, but realised when I was losing weight that OTHER people started to look somehow "bigger". People that I'd thought were a reasonable weight, and certainly a lot smaller than me, suddenly seemed to be carrying a bit of chunky weight around the middle. And in truth, they were. It's just that because I was huge, I wasn't really seeing that before. I realised that that was the true test of my body image - that these people who seemed to be "OK" were actually really carrying a bit of chunk - and that I was in fact getting smaller and so realising that they weren't all that perfect and were carrying some fat here and there. So looking at others became my sanity if you like. Yes, I must be getting smaller because my mind is somehow readjusting and I'm seeing them as what they really are - a slight big bum or thick legs, and I didn't notice before because I was so huge all over.

Hey 28

Yes I really feel that coffee is now a lovely treat for me and I really look forward to my iced Americano more than a few times a week. I love to just sit in Starbucks or Cafe Nero and ponder life and how I feel and think. I was talking to my husband about it and we agreed that most people cant go out by themeselves and enjoy there own company, I was at the hairdressers a few weeks ago and the guy washing my hair said he wouldn't dare go out alone. I think it is so important to be comfortable with your own company and I REALLY enjoy it and having the space to think. I think most people are scared of what they might think and feel so it is safer to not let it rise to the surface by spending time alone.

I also feel the same way about my body sometimes. I went to buy some new clothes and my top half is tiny- even a little too small and my bones all stick out but my lower half seems to be thick I dont look super unbalanced but I am very concious of it and wouldn't wear any other colour on bottom than black. I hope I can eventually change this. I think it's normal when making such drastic changes to our bodies to see them differently, and sometimes not always as they really look. I look at over-weight women and think am I as big as her or am I smaller and normally I think I am much, much bigger than I am. I have even had to ask my Very honest husband and he tells me straight. It's good to have someone in your life that you can trust and give you there honest opinion of your body- as hard as that is.

I know your going to get through this!!! I have always seen myself differently to how I am and I think if you focus too much on one area (like thighs) it becomes very ower powering.

Glad to hear that your enjoying a lot of different things in life right now and keeping busy- good on you, your boldness inspires me to be more confident!

xxx nicole

28+1, It took me a year after losing my weight to see myself as I really am. I think Niyah is right too about how we see others as we get smaller & also how we notice the bits that stick out on ourselves. When I look down I see my thighs & when I see my backside in the mirror I have to remind myself that "Yes, I am a woman." We are meant to be shapely! Even when I was fit & very active as a teenager I had a little stick out bum & my legs were never skinny so why would they miraculously disappear now?
Your brain will adjust to your shrinking body. It's good that you are so aware. When the compliments start you will have to learn to accept them & start believing them as well.
Re: Coffee- I had one good coffee every day of Cohen's & still do. If I have not had my morning coffee I do not feel awake.
Now....about those dates!! Tell me more, tell me more.....Cheers, Cate

Hello all,
Niyah, you are soooo right about how distorted the world is when we're overweight. I have also noticed that I feel more proportionate now to my surroundings. I'm back in the game, so to speak, and notice everyone around me. And yes, most of them are overweight. It's quite disturbing really. Hardly anyone seems fit and toned and happy in their bodies.

This reminds me of a concept in architecture that I read about. As people become bigger and bigger, it helps them to feel comfortable if the world around them also gets bigger. Hence our bigger buildings, bigger cars, bigger houses. That way we're not consumed by our own bigness! Wow.

Nicky, I decided in the end not to go back to coffee. I am really happy I didn't drink any! I did promise myself I'd not have any until I get to goal, so breaking that would have meant a break in my promise. That always feels awful, no matter what the promise is.

Anyway, what happened was, I got to Starbucks and looked around and noticed how it could seriously be a hospital ward. No one (neither the workers nor the customers) there looks healthy and vibrant. Everyone's overweight, running on autopilot, just trying to survive each day. I realized I wanted coffee just b/c I was feeling bad and it's not actually going to be the cure all I'm looking for. I realized that I was turning to a cup of coffee instead of facing my emotions (YET AGAIN). I promptly walked outside and asked myself "what are you feeling, 28? What are you looking to blanket with coffee? What's too scary to feel?" What I got back was a feeling of complete apathy about my job. I have a plan for a new career which I have shared on here. But it will take time and diligence to manifest. I realized I felt overwhelmed and a bit lost on my journey. So I hugged myself and we moved on, lol! My coffee craving died down.

I also totally relate on the buying clothes front. I've been putting $100 a week aside for a shopping spree... but don't want to spend it until I get to goal. So often, I neeaarrllly give in, but then I just somehow hold on! I think you should wait too if you can. Maybe every time you're tempted to go shopping and buy something, stick that money in a jar or in a separate a/c. Then you'll have amassed a small fortune by the time you're at goal and you can really splurge! It will be soo much fun!

Personally, I cannot believe how long I've stuck to Cohen's, and the whole time I've stuck to it to the letter. I don't think I've ever lasted at anything so trying before. Once, I joined boot camp classes in Central Park. It meant getting up at 4:45 a.m. and trekking through the cold (sometimes snowy), lonely and dark city in the midst of winter. Needless to say I lasted a couple of weeks and threw in the towel.

Cate, well, the dates! I am feeling so good these days that I know I am ready to meet someone. I just need to be a bit patient (clearly!)... I've never felt so good in myself before so I know it's just a matter of time. I feel great and very positive about what's coming. I had a date Friday night. Tell me, if you're going to be late to meet someone, do you let them know right at the time when you're supposed to meet or maybe a bit before? Yep, he arrived 20 mins late and only told me at exactly the hour when we were supposed to meet. That annoys me. It shows disrespect for the other person's time. I'm also someone you don't want to be late with. I am a bit of a nazi about being on time. It's just respectful!!!! Anyway, he was loud, gregarious, soulful, confused, messy and...plump (it's amazing what a photo online can conceal).... He isn't really what I'm looking for at all!

Tonight's date is with a boy from Brooklyn. He seems very considerate and sweet. I am looking forward to it! Will keep you all posted