I agree, society does push the image of women being skinny with a defined figure.

Meh, its mixed. Look at "The Parkers". Those women in the show are among the most beauitful women I have seen, despite the fact they are overweight. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And I will remain like a stubborn mule saying that men does have a harder time. Heh, I wonder if there was ever a study ever taken, comparing relationship statuses among overweight individuals.

Some men actually has a fetish for overweight women. I have very little experience on this earth, but I've yet to seen a woman have a fetish for an overweight man.

I have the same issue as a lot of women on here have already mentioned. I find it impossible to believe that a guy could be attracted to me. Literally impossible.

I went to a dance club for the first time recently and I was kind of expecting to not be asked to dance just because I am big but WOW lol I got asked so much. But the thing is in my mind I told myself "these guys are either extremely drunk or just really horny and desperate, they would normally be disgusted by me". While I think this probably was the case with many guys, I realized that I was being WAY too hard on myself.

I am 19 years old and I have very little experience with guys. I know that a lot of this is due to my attitude about myself. I see big confident girls all the time with guys that I find attractive, so I know its not like big people are shunned by all. I think that if I had started having more confidence when I was in middle or high school I would have had a lot more fun. But I cut myself off. I was incredibly shy and awkward because I always felt people were looking at me with disgust or laughing at me. For this reason I never cared to take the time to make myself look decent. I LIVED in jeans and old t-shirts, never wore makeup and always had my hair in a ponytail. Now that I take the time to fix myself up a little because I feel better about myself I feel that it really shows on the outside as well.

Sorry for my ramblings, this is just something I have been thinking about for a long time.

Lisa, we relate to so many levels! Damn...I feel you, I really do...(I let myself go in high school too...and never pursued relationships, because I never wanted to get hurt, cuz I honestly thought no one would ever love me)

I went to a dance club to (called County Line) when I was 19ish. Unlike you, I never got asked to dance (one of my co-workers started grinding on me, and I got extremly shy...and told her I didn't know how to dance )

I think this is kind of do the fact that some guys find shyness in women a huge "turn on", but shyness in guys is a huge "turn off" for women.

Its hard, especially if you lack the relationship experience back in high school / when you are younger. You lack that experience on how to act around the opposite sex, but you are definitely in the right direction and rebuilding your confidence . We will get through this, and one day we will have the self confidence we only dreamed up. And one day you will have that special boyfriend and you will get that special kiss (dont' worry, I am still waiting for my special girl and my kiss...you aint' the only one that hasn't been kissed yet )

Its good to see you back! Now I know where you have been all this time....hanging out in the clubs...

edit: This post also applies to Chunkygirl, and whoever else is struggling. We will get through this and reach our goals!!!!!!!

And there are always the guys who really get into fat chicks, or realize they will never get the girl of their dreams so will settle for the fat chick

I worked with an interesting character in a nightclub when I was younger. A very fit and fashionable man with a slight French accent and charm oozing out of him. Needless to say bartending was his dream job as he was always the highest tipped bartender every night. He also got his fair share of female admirers flocking about him try to win his favor. I wish DVcams and portable video recorders were so easily accessible back then so I could have filmed those lovely young ladies reactions when his long time girlfriend would come in at the end on the night, slip in behind the bar for a big wet kiss. See, the bar girls were the "hot little skinny" girls who think everyone wants them, his girlfriend was 410 pounds and not shy about one bit of it. Nor was he. When he was questioned about it, as he often was, he would very proudly admit he would never even consider a woman under 400 pounds because he simply didn't find them sexy. Bottom line. So yep, those guys are definitely out there.

Some do also "settle" but I think it is sadder to have buddies who can only have 1 "dream girl" scenario going on and any imperfection or deviation from that perfect image will make every woman unworthy. I know guys who will literally die alone waiting for a Barbie Doll off the manufacturing line that can cook and barely speak. Thats WAY sad.

But as always, better them than me.

Personally, I never minded bigger girls, since they tended to have less of the nastier attitude attributes common with princesses and beauty queens and tended to be more fun people overall. I didn't feel like I needed to earn their attention. Plus there is something to be said for soft as opposed to boney.....



sirant

oh i dunno, a lot of bigger chicks have a bad attitude to make up for not being so great looking. Usually bossy as heck and very controlling... not all.. but a lot.
I think thats what appeals to a lot of guys also , being told what to do

I agree with Sirant. Some big girls have a nasty attitude, but some are down to earth, funny and some of the nicest people you would ever meet.

When I see a really hot, skinny looking girls...the first thing that comes to mind is materialistic...which is kind of a turn off for me (sorry about the generalizations )

[QUOTE=DeepGreen;277802]Its good to see you back! Now I know where you have been all this time....hanging out in the clubs...
[QUOTE]

hahahaha not so much. I've only been twice now. I'm not the clubhopping type. I just like to dance every once in a while lol.

Its awesome we relate on so many things.

I kinda agree with you that its easier for a girl to get away with being shy. Confident guys are soooo attractive. I remember at the club there was this guy out on the dance floor with a group of friends but then they all got paired off and left him dancing alone. At first he kind of looked around but then he just didn't care and kept on dancing lol. It was sooooo cute lol and it made him sooooo cute that he didn't care at all, he was just going to have fun.

But yeah, I have been attracted to "bigger" guys because of their confidence level. Its kind of like the guy on the movie Knocked Up. He is not "attractive" in the most general sense, but his personality and confidence (I know its a movie personality, but still lol) made him cute. I think there are a lot more movies and tv shows that portray this for guys than they do for girls.

If you lived closer to me, I would ask you out on a date

From a more traditional viewpoint, thats one thing about men: we have to take the god damn initiative; you females just sit back, relax and look pretty

lol thats awesome.


Yeah, yall do have it worse in that respect, but sometimes it sucks for girls to feel they can't just go ask a guy out.......they just have to keep looking pretty and wait... lol

And you guys give crappy ass clues/hints.

Especially to a guy (like me) thats very inexperience; I can get very clueless, very confused (and stupid) very easily...

hahahaha yeah thats true....different people (and genders) have very different perceptions of flirting.

DOn't I wish I could do that...

It's simple -she smiles in your general direction - that's a two by four to the head that she might be interested.. Doesn't necessarily mean that she's ready do to the nasty in the bathroom, but it is an invitation to come over and say hello

it's really not as complicated as people would like it to be

Wow, I never thought I would disagree with Mal, BUT.....

Women ARE complicated to read and the signals we get are often not what we expected or hoped. I think Deepgreen is like myself in that way too often, as hormone engorged young men, we have seen what appeared to be obvious signals to us, only to be painfully shot down later when we acted on them. It was never EVER in my life as easy as "hey, she smiled at me, I guess that means its ok to ask her out". Never ever ever!

A lot of times us bigger folk (men and women) become the "safe friend", someone the other person can feel comfortable with and familiar with but with no true romantic or even possible romantic aspirations. However, we never see it that way. I have ALWAYS been the "safe guy" and I always hated it. Seems a lot of women especially assume an overweight guy they arent attracted too, but is a nice guy, is like the token "gay friend". Someone they can hug and kiss on the cheek, maybe pat on the bum, dirty dance with etc, but when some skinny drunken looser who ultimately could (and usually did) hurt them comes along you are left alone on the dancefloor in a heartbeat. Then when it doesnt work out she cries in your beer telling you how sad and miserable her life is after she has already broken your heart for the 15th time without a thought. And of course we put up with it because we have no confidence in ourselves and at least being the "safe friend" is close to real female company..... Sad isn't it?

I couldnt count how many times I have been told in the past what a "great boyfriend" I would make by the women I was attracted too, only to have those same women shoot me down in exchange for idiots who treat them badly or cheat on them. Tooooooooooo many times. Breaks my heart, honestly, to think of how many times I have heard it. Anyone else have any "friends" out there who asked you if when you were both 50 and if she couldnt find a "good man" by then she would just marry you??? I have 6 "friends" who tried to cut this deal with me. How degrading is that?? I get to be the 50 year old "second prize" when she gets tired of assholes.... Maybe 50th prize by then....

So after awhile we get gun shy. We stop assuming "signals" mean anything and just hope for some clear cut sign like "hey your cute, we should go out sometime..." A smile just didnt cut it back then. Once bitten twice shy, 30 times bitten and I am going to wait for concrete proof of at least slight interest, thanks anyways....

All my life, and its the same for most of my big male friends, I was the "safe guy". Women loved me because I was kind, honest, fun, charming, etc etc etc, they just wouldnt date me. When I tried I was painfully shot down without a second thought about my own emotional well being. On reflection I never felt so "used" in all my life. I was always there for "her", she was always there for someone else. But thats just part of the process of growing up in a society where emphasis is placed more on the Hollywood ideals of beauty and not on the value of the person underneath the excess weight.

I know there are exceptions to every story. But I would be willing to bet my LIFE there are far far FAR more examples of the kind I listed above than those fairy tale romances where the beautiful sexy persons see's the truly beautiful person inside the big ones that society considers non-sexy. And betting my life seems an awfully dramatic thing to say, but for a guy who was sooo poorly treated all my life, and knowing soooo many others, men and women, in the same boat, I know for a fact it happens everyday and way too often. My life up till my mid 30's was miserable and lonley. I only had one long term relationship ever, and that was with an abusive, drunken looser of a woman who I put up with because my female "friends" all my life had taught me thats the best I could hope for. It took me leaving my home country and coming to the other side of the world to find a culture with a different value system to finally find happiness. Here in China I went from "safe guy" to "attractive guy" overnight. And lo-and-behold, my life has changed in so many positive ways I can't even begin to tell you, though if you looked in my diary you would get an idea. I am healthier, happier and more successful than ever before and all it took was finding a partner who believed in me, moreso even than I had ever believed in myself.

Sorry about the tirade, but I gotta 100% disagree with ya Mal, which is something I would not often do for sure. I very much respect your opinions and ideas. But for people with low self esteem and confidence issues, it is NEVER as easy as "hey she smiled at me, I should go say hi". How many threads are there in this group with people saying exactly the opposite about how they wont bother trying because they have simply been shot down, hurt or stepped on FAR too many times before? I will tell you.... Too many.

sirant