I read an article in the newspaper a few days ago that men are allergic to fat women and of course, I didn't really have a response to that. I could tell them that I have two sisters that are fat and have relationships with thin men. I could tell them that I feel allergic to myself, so how can I expect others to react? All I can really say is that I'm fed up with being super fat.

I'm sure there are men out there that enjoy an ample women and I have enough female friends who can attest to that, but I'm a 33 year old woman who has never had a relationship. I feel sexless most days. I feel lonely the remainder of those days. Is it the men out there that have a problem? Or is it me? It's me. LOL ... Definitely, it's me.

In any case, I decided to join an open forum to deal with my blah days. I am struggling with losing this weight. I hate my dietitician. She's sooooooooooo positive and it's annoying. She could give a person cavities just from talking to her for more than 5 seconds. She's just sooooo sweet ... I want to smack her and take that smile right off her face. I'm rambling ... sorry.

Anyhow, medical help has to come from me. I'm have to do this on my own ... it's my journey. It's my mountain ...lol ... Thanks for listening.

Chunkygirl, you can do it! I have to tell myself this every day as well, but you CAN! I've dropped 10 kilos not even trying in the last few months, just from eating healthier and taking the bike instead of the bus.

I'm 27 and I feel the man-thing too...or rather, I'm *not* feelin' it. There's this guy I'm really fond of and I'd like to get a little *ahem* closer to him but the way it is right now I just feel like a hippo, so it's not gonna happen. And I'm not sure I'm his type to begin with, but I'll never know it until I have lost a little weight so I can feel better about myself!

When I was living in Boston for a while I had a dietician and it didin't do much for me. In the end I get much better results just pumping iron and kicking *ss on the elliptical whilst thinking hard about all the people that irritate me that day.

Starting a diary here (just started today!) will hopefully help too.

Think positive and think only of today: you can do it TODAY and then tomorrow will become a today too and you can do it again...etc etc

you want an honest answer? it's a little of both.

I'm going to talk to myself here right now bcause I'm in the same boat - -but you can listen in. How do you see yourself right now? as a beautiful, fun, intelligent woman? or a blob who's not worth much of anything? if you see yourself that way - then that projects to others as well.. If you don't find yourself worthy of loving yourself, and finding yourself attractive, no matter what size you are, how do you expect others to?

There are some very shallow people out there, who want the arm candy and really don't care about the personality... those relationships if you can call them that, don't last long... and they aren't worth bothering with... they're more about image and what their friends think than what's really important.

People can't really help what they are attracted to... looks matter, but what we feel about ourselves on the inside projects on the outside... most people's faces change dramatically when they smile or laugh... their eyes get brighter and sparkle.. .doesn't matter if they look like an ogre for that moment -and that's all it really takes, to someone else, they are beautiful...

when we learn to love ourselves... and find what's attractive in ourselves... the rest will fall into place... When I figure out how to do that -I'll let you know

Now that's a great bit of advice from Mal!

How we think projects how we feel. How we feel projects how we act. How we act projects what we attract.

It all begins with thoughts.

Suppose you had it all down though. Your thoughts were "good," which ultimately led to "good" actions.

There are still going to be guys who aren't into big women, just as there are going to be guys who aren't into tiny women. I think we are all born with a natural inclination with regards to what "image" of the opposite sex we are sexually attracted to.

Is this shallow? Hell no. It's natural, IMO. Is there more to a relationship than sexual attraction? Hell yes. A lot more! But it's still an important aspect of a relationship IMO.

Shallowness comes into play when you have a person who is sexually attracted to some "type" of person, yet, hides those feelings due to outside influences (read: society). That's just lame. And those are NOT the kind of people you want to be with anyhow.

Long story short: I think you need to work on your self-image. You need to love yourself before you can make a relationship work.

I am 5'3 and 295 pounds. my hubby is 6'5 and 205 pounds.. he isnt into 'fat' women as all his ex's before me were thin.. i think even tho it is sooo cliche, that its what's inside that counts.. now my biggest problem, is that i love the way my hubby looks.. i want him to feel the same with me on his arm. he says he does, and god bless him i really think he feels that way.. but i would feel better looking better for him.. as well as me

I agree that it is what's inside that counts mostly. And I am all for someone losing weight for health reasons.

However, who decides what "looking better" is? Society? If so, that is a crock. Maybe the way you look now is what "looks good" to your hubby.

My point is, if you want to lose weight, I think it should be more about health and functionality than what others think of you.

Hello ..
I just read your diary ...
Thanks for posting in mine

You should lose weight for yourself. If you feel in your hardest of hearts that you need to lose weight and you can't function.. like Jim said

a big part of losing weight is the little things that really are big things

like heart disease ..diabeties ..
I am pre diabetic because of my weight and it controls my moods, but if I control my diet I control how I feel ..
I used to go through depression until I found out what had been going on .. I am bipolar as far as I know ..but how is it if I take the Metaformin for my diabeties and eat right, I feel awesome ...

Its all about you...
Go for it!

always
natalie jo

And my man is attracted to normal weight women ...around 160 if you are 5'6....
I am that feet and inches and I am 297... he is insisting I lose weight so I can keep up with him ... he is very active and wants me to be able to bike ride 25 to 35 mile bike rides during our vacation ..which will be at the end of July and two weeks of August ...and I plan on being able to do that ..right now I barely make it through a 15 mile bike ride ..
BUT I bike ride almost everyday and walk a few days a week... both work different muscles and I want to make the maximum of my work out .. ...my next goal is to fit in both in one day ... we will see ..it gets very hot ..

So ... do this for you ...
I am doing it for me .. I want to be able to do all the things he wants me to do ...after bike riding for so long .. I love passing cyclists and they cheer me on ..people wave at me ... its a great feeling have people cheering me on ..and I cheer myself on .. I try to keep a positive attitude .. I want to be able to live in my own body ..be able to coordinate in my life .. I have awful coordination, because of the weight on my body .. I am an apple shape ..the walking seems to make me have less than a apple shape ..I still have one and it is bad ..but it is looking better every two weeks ...

I wish you the best
and keep posting
always
natalie jo

Steve is right a lot of it has to do with how an individual projects themselves. I am very self conscious and have little or no self esteem and I'm sure by how I project myself others can see that. That's probably why I don't feel comfortable in most social situations. Losing weight should be about your health; biological and mental. It also has to be something you want to do for yourself and not someone else.

I agree 100% with boam. Okay, here's an honest guy's perspective.

It is difficult for most people to be physically attracted to someone who is very overweight, men and women alike. Think about the guilt and hypocrisy I feel when I fail to be attracted to a larger girl just because she's big, when I am most likely bigger! But I can't help it. There is just a biological roadblock, sort of a negative intuition surrounding it. What's worse is that I completely understand that my hesitation is unfounded and illogical.

But remember, the male brain is more visual than anything. (Why do guys look at dirty magazines but women read erotica?) Men are programmed to use their eyes to pick a "mate" more due to ancient primal notions regarding childbearing.

It's not all biological though. Women have it tougher than men because of society too. A man being fat used to be a status symbol, but it has never been the social norm or a mark of class for a woman to be. Not saying I agree, but that's how it seems to be.

But hey, what do I know, we stupid teenagers think we know everything.
mathmajor

Up until just this century women with curves were considered MUCH more attractive than skinny little women. Period. Looking at clssical art work dating back to prehistoric times shows that women with wide hips and generous curves were definitely considered the sex symbols, and rightly so! Hollywood has definitely changed that however. Look at size 0. What a ridiculous notion. Yet I know personally so many women DYING (almost literally) trying to get anorexically thin so they can feel attractive. Sad really.

As for women having it harder than men now, I tend to disagree. I have been big all my life and known many MANY big friends (with 70% of our population overweight, hard not to) In my personal experiences bigger women always seemed to have a much easier time finding men than over weight men had of finding women. Period. I have known far more desperately single men than women of any size. Including myself. Of course everyones experiences are different, but this is mine. One thing to take into consideration is that the sexual prowess of overweight men seriously suffers. That is simply a fact. And for those overweight guys out there who think they are doing fine now, wait till you lose some weight and you will know EXACTLY what I am talking about. For more details read my latest diary entry. But a lot of women on the other hand grow larger breasts and get more curvy as they put on weight, which to most of the guys I have known more than makes up for the extra pounds. I know personally I always chose bigger girls because they tended to be softer and more "fun" to hug and latch on to than a stick girl. And like I said, all the "big" girls I knew seemed to do alright in the dating department, certainly FAR better than a dateless wonder like myself.

But it does come down to more than just physical size too. I have known many 400 pound women who are too damn sexy, can barely keep my hands off them. And I know men who are just as big who have super hot and beautiful girlfriends or are in fact true "players". But why? Doesn't society tell us that Brad And Angelina are hot but Rosie and Jack Black are not? Of course Hollywood tells us that, but we really dont need to listen. As mentioned here already, sexy is only in the eyes for shallow people, and really, who wants to date those jerks anyways? A person who is confident and comes across as being happy and strong will attract far more mates than a sad and depressing person anyday of the week. Confidence can be, and in my opinion IS far sexier than a 6 pack or a perfect body.

Of course this is simply my opinion, but like I said, I have known 400 pound men and women that were incredibly sexy and seriously desired by the masses. And they all, with no exceptions, had one thing in common. They were confident in themselves and they truly believed in their own hearts and minds that they were sexy and drop dead gorgeous.... And they were.


sirant

I am overweight - okay okay I am fat - and am in a relationship with a guy of normal weight. We actually met on the internet though and when we met for the first time in real life - four years ago now - I was thinner than I am now . He says he doesn't have a problem with my weight but I feel terrible about it myself and can't help wondering if he would have looked twice at me if he'd met me in a bar or something. I am fairly sure not

Thanks for your honest answers. I think I do need to work on me before I can ever have a relationship. I wouldn't call myself a mess, but I have a lot of work to do. I don't even know when I will start. I keep telling myself that I'll start the first of July ... start with the beginning of the month ... even though I need to start now.

Thanks again for your comments.

Things can turn around quickly. And they will.

why not start today? Right now! Just write down what you want to do TODAY and get out there and kick some ass! Imagine going for a walk after dinner. I don't know what the area is like around your place, but there's bound to be a park somewhere, so just walk to it, look at the green grass and walk back. It's a little thing and could take only 30 mintues, but it will make you feel better.

and then work up from there!

You'll fall back sometimes of course, but that's what changing patterns is all about. Rome wasn't built in a day, I didn't get this fat in one week and I'm sure you didn't either. So you GET up and try again! And again! And it will work