Hi everyone, i'm Cheryl... 21 from West London, UK.

I thought i would join up here as i'm struggling with my weight, something i've been doing for many years now.

When i was 15 i had bulimia, then i lived on an apple a day for about 3 months... eventually my family found out and got me back on track.

Then i managed to keep a slim frame, i've always had big hips and thighs, but i managed to keep up a nice flat stomach.

Now i didnt realise but over the past 2 years i was quite a nice shape... again in size 12 (UK) bottoms and a 10-12(UK) top. But all of a sudden i've put on a mass ammount of weight... over about 6-8 months i guess. And i cannot seem to shift it, i've got a gym membership, and i've been going at least once a night for 4-5 nights... I don't do loads, usually 20 minutes on the cross trainer, 100 sit ups, then another 10-20 minutes on a walking machine, bike or the cross trainer again... but some mornings i go as well, so sometimes twice a day.

I can't say i always eat healthily, i try to stick to cereal in the morning, jacket potato with baked beans for lunch, and then something normal for dinner, most weekends i will eat what i fancy, i never snack on chocolate or crisps though.

I've been to the doctors abotu 3 times, and each time my thyroid tests are normal.

I'm at a bit of a loose end really... i get depressed and take it out on my partner, and now when i see photo's of me i am absolutely disgusted... I cannot stand it, to the point that when i see recent photo's (I've just been on holiday) i was sick.

I don't know what to do next... people tell me after a few months down the gym i'll notice a difference... but i think 'will i really' and i just dont have the motivation for it to be a long term thing!!

It's now getting the point where i want to make myself sick after i eat again, but my family and partner would easily find out so i can't do that, or i want to starve myself all day and only eat a little for dinner, but i don't want to make myself ill.

I know i will never have a slim bottom half... but my main worry is my stomach area, my arms and my chubby face.

Anyway... sorry for writing the essay! But i think i needed to get it off my chest! (literally would be good!!)

Thanks for reading!

A very depressed... Cheryl

Hi Cheryl and welcome!

I've spent some time in the UK and love it--especially London.

Wow, it really made me sad to read your post. You have some very unhealthy habits that seem to stem from self-esteem issues. I think that it would be good for you to talk to a therapist about that. Most people who have weight issues also have self-esteem issues. They tend to go together--I know I do/did.

First you have to realize that you are a wonderful human being no matter what your size is or how you look on the outside. That is sometimes hard for me, too.

If you read a lot of posts here, you will see that starving yourself will not help you to achieve your goals. You need a sensible plan of exercise and dieting. To start out, I would say that 30-45min at the gym 4-5 days per week are plenty of exercise. And you should be eating a bare minimum of 1200 calories per day--of healthy foods such as fruits and especially veggies, whole grains, lean meats, etc. Try to drink water and herbal teas instead of sodas and coffee (or at least keep that to a minimum.).

And just remember--you should lose weight b/c you want to be healthy, not b/c you think that losing weight will make you worthy of love. You can see from my ticker how much I weigh, and my hubby (who is thin) still loves me and finds me sexy (yes, I find it hard to believe sometimes myself, but it's true). I'm doing this for myself--not for anyone else, and so should you.

Good luck and best wishes to you from a friend across the pond.