i just joined yesterday, and here's a little bit about me (Sorry it's so long!):
age:17
height:5'3.5
cw:??? probably about 108

two summers ago i became anorexic...it started cause i thought 112 was fat and i wanted to weigh 105. i didnt think i could get there, but when i did i was like,"wow, that was easy...i can lose more." then that school year, it spun out of control when i was enrolled in a rigorous geometry honors class which brought a lot of stress, and i became seriously depressed. i remember eating popcorn for lunch at school cause it had the least calories (70) and going to the gym everyday and making sure i burned off all the calories i had eaten, which was usually only about 200-300. cheerleading practice was the hardest...it took so much energy to lift girls that weighed more than me (and scary to think i was under them and they were relying on my frail body to catch them!). i became so sick and weak that i could barely keep my eyes open in pictures! i remember crying to my boyfriend every weekend (im so sorry for putting him through that!) about how i just wanted to have fun and be happy, but i couldn't cause my ed and obsessive compulsiveness always got in the way. my parents were frustrated with me...i dont think they understood what was going on, even though my boyfriend told them i was starving myself. i got down to about 96 pounds...i just remember so much pain during that time. i was in a competition with the scale. i didnt even think about how skinny i was. i got a lot of comments during that time. guys told me i needed to gain weight, but girls told me how skinny i was and that i had "the perfect body," which is very scary. then i went on christmas break, and the stress was gone...so i started eating again. eventually i got up to about 117 (high for me), and recently i got down to 100, but i gained back some cause i overate all spring break. im not weak like i used to be, but i still count every calorie i eat. i will overeat one day, freak out, and then not eat the next to make up for it. i know i still have anorexic thoughts and tendencies, and im scared some of them will never go away. but now i realize that i am beautiful, and im not going to abuse my body like that again. im so jealous of my friends who just eat when they're hungry and dont worry about food...thats all i ever think about! i just want to be completely happy and healthy and not abuse myself like i have been. i think that overcoming an eating disorder and living a healthy lifestyle is just developing an appreciation for life and realizing that you and everything else is beautiful, and food is far from the most important thing in life. i believe that you are not what you eat, but what you do. so...from now on im gonna listen to my body: eat when im hungry, stop when im full, and only put pure foods into my body that it can actually use. no more binging on sugar! and im gonna challenge myself to not count calories the rest of the week. for me, its not as much about losing weight as it is just not being such a perfectionist, and being healthy and enjoying life while i have it! i feel stupid to think that i have spent so much time worrying about food that i have watched like a year and a half of my life pass by!
wow...ive never told anybody all of this!

i have three pictures attached: the first one is of me and my boyfriend during my anorexic days, and the next two are of me a few weeks ago in the Miss Tullahoma pageant.

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Welcome Claire, its a sad fact of the pressures of society today to be thin. Glad you decided to made a change. Eat healthy of course, and a good multivitamin for a few months to make up for your previous diet wouldn't hurt!

you look great now, i dont think you need to change a thing!

You look great! I've struggled with an ED for over half my life. I hope you have a complete recovery. When I was 112lbs, my goal was 106lbs. I already knew when I got to 106lbs, it was 99lbs. I'm 5'6", that way too small. I just want to be a healthy 125lbs. I'm afraid if I get too skinny, my kids will think they need to.

Welcome to the forum!

Hey there,
Before I go on I just want you to know that I am saying what I am b/c I don't want to see you or anyone else have to live a life of "unhealthy" dieting. I too was once anorexic back in high school and although I thought I looked great, deep down I knew I looked horrible. It is a hard road for anyone to travel, but even harder for a 17 year old to travel. I had to get help and I did, and even though at the moment I am not happy with the way I look; a startling 182.4lbs I refuse to go back down that road. It can be very hard and overwhelming to see so many people around you eat what they want and not exercise, but yet they look great. Some people just have it like that, I am not one of them. It would be easy to turn back to starving myself, but I am taking the higher-harder road. According to my BMI I should weigh....118 lbs, but I know with my "bigger" body frame that anything below 135 is going to be to skinny and I don't want that unhealthy look again. Now for your height you should weigh 126lbs. Take a breath dear, I know that seems like alot of weight, but in the grand scheme of things it isn't. You will feel great and you will be healthier for sure. You look good now, so I don't feel you should change a thing.

There are so many misconceptions on the way woman should look that it just makes me want to scream. Real woman are supposed to have curves and alot of times the woman on the covers on magazines, or on tv or the models don't have any curves. My husband has always said I like my woman with curves and something to hold on to, and with something to be left to the imagination. You are a beautiful girl and a smart one from what I can see. It is a great thing that you admit to having a problem, b/c that is the very first step in getting better. I hope that you can find the will and the strength to continue a healthier, smarter, way of life and that your journey ends with you looking in the mirror and saying hey I am beautiful and I don't need to lose any more weight. If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to write me. Good luck...

yall are such supportive positive people, and i just want to thank yall so much. like i said, i've never told anybody about this, and it's so nice to talk to people who actually listen and understand me. it means so much to me!