to get fit?

[side note- My mom has been super-critical of everyone on the planets' weight her whole life. She, of course, is "different" from all the other fatties. Two out of her three daughters ended up with eating disorders.]

My mom has gained a bunch of weight since she hit menopause (about 40 pounds). She is 58 and generally in good health but with high BP and cholesterol- no joint or back problems or other diseases.

She has recently gotten in a Weight Watchers group which I think is GREAT! I have seen a lot of folks make a lot of progress in WW.

But when she calls me she tends to "goof on" the other women in the group about how serious they take it.

I have sent her the link to this forum, world fitness.com, and fit day.com, but she 'doesn't have time' to read or interact with them - she is retired and taking a two college course.

I have offered to buy her a subscription to Women's Health because I feel it is more about being healthy than just being thin (contrary to many other "women's magazines"), and she said she would take a look at that website and never did.

She complains about her lack of exercise but 'all of the gyms in the area are incovenient'. I have tried to explain the necessaity for both cardio and muscle building but she thinks that working in the garden is all the exercise she needs (this was her exercise program last year and she would constantly call and lament that she isn't losing weight). She blames it on her slower metabolism, but poo-poos me when I try to explain the exercise/metabolism connection.

It seems that she is more into complaining than actually doing anything (and I will admit that she has been a complainer most of her life).

Although I could sit back and revel in the fact that now she has the weight problem (after ruining my childhood), I would rather see her get healthy. She SAYS she wants to be healthy.

Am I just wasting my time or is there a way to motivate her.

I'd like to say you could motivate her, but really...I just don't think so. I think TRUE motivation has to come from within ourselves. You can certainly support her and let her know how proud you are of her. In the end though, if she doesn't want to do it, she won't. Just let her know you love her!

Thanks NB2.
She just drives me crazy, acting like she wants help.

i understand how you feel. i am faced with a similar issue with my mom and am getting no where. she wont exercise (granted she works 50hrs a week) and she wont eat healthy. i am fortunate that she live with me (and my spouse) which means i can aid in healthy foods entering her a few times a week. left to her own devices she has pastries for breakfast and is likely to not intake a single veggie or fruit all day! water as a "drink" was not in a realm of possibilities until recently. I find that if i buy her bagels and bottled water it helps. if i make dinner, she might take it for lunch the next day. it is the best i can do.

i am incredibly frustrated by it because i want a lengthy life with her involved in it! but her health is not of her concern. she just wants to complain that she is gaining weight, has cholesterol issues and wants to be shocked when she rarely feels well and energetic.

ugh. at least it felt good to type it.

I want my husband to lose weight so much. He is 5'7" and around 215 lb. Maybe even 220. We have two little girls and I just wonder if he'll be around to see their weddings. It's a horrible thought because it's absolutely sad and morbid. I get excited about how I feel when I've lost a few lbs. I try to suggest we do things together. I've always cooked good, healthy foods. Our problem is we eat a lot and until recently I got no exercise.

I wish there were a way but I truly believe there isn't!

Well, the best way is to just be supportive and loving. Mommy...I worry about my hubby too, he's the same height and has another 100 pds on him than your hubby! What I do is just make healthy meals and provide a good example by 'behaving' myself and working out. If he wants junk, he'll have to get it himself!

NewBride is right.......Show by example.....once they see how much weight your losing..how good you feel....they may start putting 2 plus 2 together. Another thing to try is by...health books/ magazines...and have them laying around where they sit alot.....also....maybe printing out articles about how being over weight ups your risk of certain cancers...That diabetes leads to this....Scare them into getting healthy.....the more its in their line of vision...the more it will start to hit home......
Also my fiance and I took the "real age " test......he is 32.....but with all the "factors" set in ..his "real" age is 47!!!!!.....I am 33 and mine said I was 34....I would have been younger but my obesity..and the fact I live with a smoker added years to my "age".......I am giving My fiance until the end of the year with the smoking....after that I am going to push and help him as much as I can!!! He says he wants to stop....I really hope soo

I agree with the others--I don't think you can force or persuade someone else to get motivation. You're setting a great, healthy example, though!

As far as her making fun of the enthusiastic Weight Watchers folks, maybe she resents that they've got the motivation and are seeing results. Just an idea...maybe eventually jealousy will kick-start her motivation!

Red, it may not possible to motivate someone completely, but it may be possible to make it seam like loosing weight is easier. Gardening is actually a very good exercise, but unless your mom gardens all day... you won't burn that much calories with that. Gardening is also hard on you back and legs, but encauraging her to do phycial activity she likes is very good. You need to help her devise a plan which includes very small changes that she can make easily. The probelm is that many lifestyle changes require a lot of BIG changes and a lot of time and emotional investment. However, if your mom does not feel like she has to change THAT much, small changes will be easier for her to accept. Maybe you can involve her by asking her to walk every day with you. Make it seem like its for your benefit, not hers. See if you can involve her in other physical activities which can be fun for her or those she would do with friends. Maybe she can get a treadmill or exercise bike? They have reclined kind where you sit like in a chair, you can watch TV and exercise at the same time. Suggest small diet changes, like portion control. From my experience changing how much you eat is much easier then changing what you eat. Take her to measure her metabolism, or give her a number from one of these online calculators.

Your mom sounds a lot like me before I discovered calorie counting. Knowing how much I burn and knowing how much I eat every day gave me incredible feeling of control over my own body and weight. Before that, I've tried many different diets and nothing really worked, or as soon as I stopped "dieting", the weight came right back on. That made me feel powerless and frustrated and jealous of all other people, and even idea of loosing weight became irritating to me. I was doing all those things to my husband - complaining all the time that I was fat, not doing anything about it (because I did not think I could), poo-pooing all his suggestions and attempts to motivate me to do smth.

Moms can be very hard to deal with, but I believe that understanding and acceptance will lead a long way.

Just to note on this.. being healthy, doing anything fro ones self.. well that individual has to discover that THEY want it. We can nudge, push, gently tug, all we want.. but until they make that decision, it won't happen.

An alcoholic is not going to go into rehab & succeed just because someone "suggests" it unless he wants it.

I also have been trying to get my husband and mother to lose weight healthily (is that a word).
Since it's warmed up we've been taking walks outside. That might be a good option to get your mother to get more exercise. If you have the time ask her to go on walks with you. Make it a special time for you two to catch up on what's been happening in your lives. You get some exercise and a closer relationship. It's also a sneaky way to get her exercising without putting a label on it for her, which might be part of the problem.
Since my husband and I have been going on our walks after dinner, he's been more affectionate. He talks about all the stuffs that bothering him at work, his hobbies, and stuff, which makes him happier and much more affectionate.

In the short term you can motivate people, but real change must come from within.