I am always blaming my lack of dating life on my weight, and I know other people do too. Is there anybody who hasn't had problems with dating who is overweight? I have a friend who is at least 60 lbs heavier than I am, but she dates all the time and I don't get it.

Well I don't know if you'll want to hear this, since I'm only 18, but I'll give it a shot anyways I've been overweight for the last 4 years, and I haven't had trouble in dating, but just in the guys I picked out. From the ages I cared about what my body looked like but I never took the chance to work out. So I ended up just playing the best features on me, which is my face and my personality. And one of the most important things is just getting out and getting to know people. Or even yet.. (yes I know theres alot of skeptics) but finding guys online is also a good idea. Thats where I met my boyfriend * well through a friends brother who was a computer programmer* We a month nonstop and we had no clue what each other looked like, and then we met when he came to visit a mutual friend we both know.
Where do you go to meet guys? I think new places to go would bring you alot of luck Also where does your friend usually find guys? You could follow her example.

I myself don't date right now because the weight gain since my pregnancy. I know i shouldn't let my looks be the thing that stands out in me but i'm going to be brutaly honest here.
First attraction to couples is (looks) 2nd is who you are and your personality. Some people are lucky and their personality really stands out and they are confident no matter what their looks are so it may seem as if they have it very easy in the dating world.
Right now i could get a date just like that but my problem is that i wouldn't feel comfortable around that person, i've lost all interest in things since i gained so much weight. My fear is being judged and called fat.
And honestly not to be rude but i wouldn't want to date some one really heavy either , i would want someone healthy and good looking because that's the first that would attract me to that person and then his personality and how he is towards me.
That's just my opinion, i am not saying you gotta look hot to date , there are plenty heavy people out there who date more than any hot girl or guy i know, but i guess it's really up to you. there is plenty of great people out there for you so go get em!

I don't think the problem is as much the weight as it is the self confidence.

I didn't seem to have a problem dating, until I realized I wasn't dating at all - I was with guys who wanted to be with me physically but not emotionally.

It could be a lack of physical attractiveness, it could be so many other things. I think I am or was suffering from low self-esteem, I can be very aloof, but I'm also confident in myself if that makes sense. I'm also very honest and very straightforward and I understand that men don't necessarily like that. I'm pretty smart too, which can be intimidating.

I think that a combination of these factors led to me making bad choice after bad choice in the dating department, and I've totally stopped dating altogether now. If the right guy is out there for me, let him come and find me!

So I'm single, not entirely but mostly by choice. Not the same as having dating trouble, I suppose, but definitely better than the 'relationships' I was in before.

I am confident in myself too, and am outgoing and funny. I'm blunt too. And I'm smart. I am in a unique social situation, I think, because I'm a grad student at a pretty famous university (which might add to people being intimidated by me), and there are alot of youth in this area that I see all the time because of church. We all hang out a lot, and there are some guys who have dated almost every girl except me. So, that is why I thought it must be the weight, since they were casually dating everybody else but not me. I'm not very good at flirting..but I am always friendly and talk to lots of guys. I don't really go anywhere to meet more guys. I'm not very comfortable with the bar scene, and I don't go to clubs and dance because I get embarrassed about sweating. I'm not sure where else to go. My friend that dates a lot meets some guys online, but I don't want to take that route just yet.
misslovely: I totally know what you mean about not wanting to date someone really heavy. I know how important it is to be attracted to the person you date..you can't build a relationship on just common interests and one way attraction. Since I have these feelings myself, I can't blame others for having them either.

Are you sure you want to date casually? Been there, done that. Zero fulfillment.

Maybe it's an age thing, too. To be blunt, men are horribly IMMATURE, and mature at a slower rate than women. I know that many guys my age (27) are simply interested in a trophy gal - someone who looks great but that might be all. Me, I'm content knowing that if I continue to be who I am, someone will find me.

Enjoy the not dating! It means less BS!!

And to be honest, it could be so many other things besides the weight. If you're a grad student, that's superintimidating to a lot of people. Also, if you don't flirt, people might assume you're not interested - not that I'm saying you should flirt.

I don't really have any answers... just experience.

Yeah. I've always thought that me being intimidating is sortof like a filter, since I wouldn't be happy dating a guy who was slow intellectually. Flirting..I just don't know what to do. There are things I just don't like doing either. People tell me I should find some way to touch them when I'm talking to them, and that lets them know I like them. But..I am not a touchy feely person. So me doing that would be totally contrived. One friend of mine says I'm too chummy. But..I really don't know how to fix anything. I would rather be alone that with the wrong guy, and like you, I believe somebody will find me eventually, but I hate being alone. I wish I could just ask a guy how they perceive me (so I could get some insite into why I am not sought out in general)..but I couldn't do that to a stranger because I'd feel so stupid and then they'd know I was insecure, and they would never tell the truth anyway..etc etc. Blah blah. Me and my dating troubles. I could write a novel. (But I won't ) I am 23, and so thankfully am getting away from the age of annoying immature boys since I prefer to date boys a bit older than me.

You don't have to change at all. If you're not touchy/feely, that's fine. I'm the same - unless I know someone pretty well. Then I'm UBER touchy/feely. Anyway, any efforts you make like that will be contrived, just like you say.

It sounds like you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders about this, though. Don't assume it's your weight. Try to pay attention to how you interact with people - body language is so important.

Are you totally comfortable with this group of people? If you're not, that'll come out in body language. Do you feel superior to the people you hang out with? That comes out in body language too. I never mean to, but I make people feel stupid sometimes.

Take this time to find out who you are, what you like doing, what you want in life. Not many people use opportunities like this for what they're worth, so it'll give you an edge. If you're strong and confident going into a relationship, that's setting the relationship up to be meaningful and long-lasting.