I recently typed this in a member's diary.... someone who has been struggling with consistency in exercise and weight loss. I thought it would be worth sharing. Or maybe it would strike up some interesting convo.

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The way I look at it is very simple.

You either want it or you don't.

I see people all day long say they want it. They think they want it. But they don't really. Or they'd do what it takes to have it. Sure, they might want it a little. But the desire isn't strong enough to create enough action. Action comes from strong desire.

If you REALLY want a cookie, you are going to eat it.

Strong desire = definite action.

So instead of letting your desires control you, and therefore your actions..... start controlling your desires to create the desired actions you're looking for.

I know life isn't so cut and dry always. But when it comes to weight loss, it really is.

A vast majority of people who are fat, don't like being fat. But the thought of doing what it takes to not be fat is scary. And that's a stupid statement on my part actually.

Rather the reality of what it takes to not be fat isn't worth the fat loss. If it were, they'd act consistently.

I admit that's not really a fair way of looking at things. It isolates one faction of life. Start throwing in other factions, which we all undoubtedly have, and the waters get muddy and things are not as cut and dry as I make them out to be.

But when you take away all the minutia, we all have the choice to act in line with losing weight or not.

It's up to you to pick one side or the other.

If you really want this bad enough, you'll pick the right side and you'll do this quite often.

Sometimes it takes some time, effort, and thought to strip away the consuming stuff in our life for a moment in order to see clearly, what it is that will make us happy and why it will make us happy. If you can find a way to see this vividly though, it kind of scars you. In a good way though. Do this often enough and eventually being able to link your mind and actions into one concise 'machine' of success will become permanent.

For instance, this past month or so, I've been really slacking with my fitness. Every single F-ing excuse you can think of, I've used. The main one being my schedule. I'm studying for a gnarly test, I'm working some crazy hours, I'm trying to get a second business off the ground, I'm buying another business, I put time into my marriage, I'm very active socially, although I don't have to I do feel I have a responsibility to help people on forums such as this, and the list goes on and on.

There are so many things that can and do get in the way.

If I let them.

It's all back to that same simple choice.

And I think we all lose sight of our personal orders of priority. How can health, happiness, and physique not be high up on this list? The fact of the matter is, they are. For all of us. But if you lose sight of this fact, it's easy to let things take precedent which ordinarily shouldn't or wouldn't.

For me, it's simple. I am very keenly aware of many, many reasons why I want what I want in terms of fitness, health, and physique. I've thought about it through and through. I've visualized myself reaching my ultimate goals. I've seen in my mind, me in the future, doing all the things I do in my life, except in a better body; the body I have as my ultimate goal. I've thought dozens of times daily about what it would feel like to reach my goals, what exactly it would mean to me. I've thought about the impact it would have on me and those around me. The list goes on and on, how in depth I've thought about this.

And when you put that amount of mental work into something, your thoughts become realities.

And because I've put that effort in, this short break in consistency for me will end very abruptly and I'll be back in the swing of things full force instantly. Without crying, whining, or second guessing myself.

I have a saying that I was going to use in a business I start someday. I'm sure someone has already coined the phrase by now. But I've been saying it to the people in my life for a long while:

Dream It, Want It, Live It.

It's that simple.

Life is very short in the grand scheme of things. Being indecisive about what you want is absolutely devastating in my mind.

So my advice to you can be summed up in a single sentence:

Decide what you want and why you want it and attack it full steam ahead.

the second guessing is the tough part to overcome... and you know that from the time you've spent with some of us here...

I don't dream it - I'm more Nike'esque -I just do it.. I do want it but wanting it requires taking action...

The second guessing though, has stymied me in the past - where I over read and over analyze and get so many conflicting answers that for a non-educated person -I would fall into analysis paralysis. and I see that here on this forum A LOT...

I can see me in a lot of new people coming into various placed I go to where they're practically hyperventilating they just want to be told what to do.. and 27 well meaning people offer 27 different opinions... It's tough to sort through..

On Spark, I've been approached privately by some of those hyperventilating people about what to do - and my answer is really quite simple - start somewhere - make 1 change at a time... but just start... whether it's giving up the pop, or walking 30 minutes a day... be consistent and keep going...

Great Advice guys! I agree 100%

This is my new motto to live by

Good post Mal. I'm not so sure I'd direct this at a newcomer/novice. I comletley agree with your advice, take one thing at a time and work on adopting babysteps with the novice.

I tend to treat someone who 'knows' what needs to be done and has been at this for a while a little differently. This is more directed at someone who wouldn't be considered a 'novice' yet is still struggling with the mental component of it all.... if that makes any sense at all?

Also, does spark have a forum?

they have message boards... on a much grander scale than this - with 1000s of active members so it's tough to get a feel for people who know what they're doing and those who don't.

I've been at this for about 19 months now, and while not technically a novice, on most days, I don't have a freakin' clue because there is so much conflicting info... Every so oftenI think I finally have a handle on what works for me -then I read something - and it becomes a struggle again... there is just so much self doubt - cripes if I really knew what I was doing, I wouldn't have gotten to 383lbs to begin with...

while I really do like your post and agree with it - dreaming it isn't generally enough -doing it is what it takes and having just a little belief in what you're doing is right... I'd love for there to be absolute black and white solutions to everything - it's how my brain works -but there really aren't there's a whole lot of gray out there.

I agree, you have to have a dream. Once you know what it is you have to want it enough to actually do it. I always have doupts and feel like quiting, but I don't quit. I don't let myself make excuses. Even if I am tired, or need to study for an exam, or whatever the reason may be, I tell myself each workout, each minute doing something productive to my goal, is a minute less or a step less I will be unhappy with myself.

I always try to phyche myself out, get motivated, if i'm not in the mood I put myself in the mood. I really enjoy my new found fitness and it's really important to me, so I make it a priority.

Food is my achillies heal, I can eat and eat and eat and eat and never stop. I can never get enough, but my goal is to be fit, and I know that eating 4000 calories will not help me. My desire to be fit far outweighs my desire to pig out. It used to control me but I am in control now. Ahhhh it feels good to say that.

Are the boards run on the vbulletin platform?

Wonder if it would be worth me joining over there?

That will never go away either. I can even feel overwhelmed at times with all the shit that's out there.

The secret is understanding the basic fundamentals and principles. The reason being: All things are built upon them and manipulated to fit someone else's idea of what's right or wrong.... if that makes sense.

Once you are comfortable with these fundamentals, you can break down anything into easily digestible segments and understand/realize if it's worth looking into.

That's not true. I know plenty of people who are smart as hell when it comes to this stuff yet look like crap.

Certainly not. And I wasn't meaning it to sound that way. Nothing will happen without that 'live it' part.

Yup, I say that often myself. I've learned there isn't a lot of black/white out there wrt anything.

[QUOTE=Steve;338298]Are the boards run on the vbulletin platform?

Wonder if it would be worth me joining over there?

QUOTE]

Something tells me no. LOL! Not that I don't think you're worth listening to, but after spending time on the boards in my first 6 months, it seems that the majority of the posters are set in the sparks way, which is 1200 calories a day for everyone. I'd love to see you change their minds though.

Sorry, don't know why that quote didn't work.

[QUOTE=dariqueen;338305]Ohhh, sounds like fun.

Jeez, I just tempted you with a challenge, didn't I? LOL!

I've been looking for some new ground to haunt.

I love your words steve they just get you thinking get that little voice in your head you forgot you had going. I need to think about things more. I have always said I want this Im going to do it and right now i am doing it. They thing that keeps me going is thought.
-if I stop now everything I have done so far will be lost
-if I stop now my whole family will be disapointed
-if I stop now I will be disapointed
-if I stop now well I dont think I could do it again

This is do or die time for me, i know they say dont give up but for the past ten years I have been on every diet imaginable. And what finally did it for me was me doing it for me. This is the last fight ya know I am going to reach my goal. What hinders me is this
-doing it healthy
-being patient
-making it a life change

in the past year I love everything I have changed
-I have given up all soda
-I dont put crap into my body anymore
-Im exercising more then ever

But when I get down on myself all that seems to leave my mind, I lose track of the good I've done and start to drift of course, But Im back on now my eyes open. I know I am going to do this. I will let nothing stand in my way. I must be patient and not lose focus on the MAIN GOAL. cause there is not better time to start or re-start then today right now.

Great post Today, and thanks for sharing.

Remembering the bad stuff is always easier for some reason in life. Like in business. You can treat a customer perfectly for yeas. If you screw up one day though, all those good years go out the window and all the customer focuses on is the screw up.

With regards to changing your habits and not letting small setbacks turn into months of being off course..... I really think it comes down to conditioning your mind as well as managing your expectations.

Just how a little activity is good every single day, so is a little time spent on your mind. Spend some time visualizing, sorting out the bad thoughts and replacing them with good, really focusing. Just as your body gradually gets stronger and better, so will your mind. Soon, it will be next to impossible to knock you out. Sure, you might get knocked down..... but that's a hell of a lot different than being knocked out. And getting up will get a lot easier too.

In terms of managing expectations, it's critical. It's obvious for everyone that we aren't going to reverse what we've done, physically, overnight. It takes months and years to get into shape. And even then, usually most people aren't satisfied and want to do more and more. If you don't lose weight or the inches don't go the way you had hoped for 2 weeks, getting down on yourself is futile. Thinking of it as a failed attempt isn't going to improve the situation at all. Instead, view it as being a success in terms of figuring out what NOT to do. If things stagnate, don't get down. Instead, take action and modify your approach. Always focus on forward progress.

I say often how perception is everything.

If you perceive a stagnant 2 weeks to be a failure, you'll drown in your sorrows and regrets eventually.

If you perceive a stagnant 2 weeks as something to build upon, you'll constantly be in forward motion. Once mental momentum is established, it's a very hard thing to break.

And above all, remember you are not alone. You've got a huge community here who are experiencing this with you. And there are plenty of knowledgeable people around who can help you too.

Thanks again, for sharing.

No they use their own internal system...
Why not... you might actually be pleasantly suprised at the quality of the information that gets passed out on the board itself...