Hey guys been a little bit. I have been a little down recently. I have lost a lot of weight already I have about 20 more pounds to go. I hate when people tell me how good I look, cause truthfully I dont see it yet. I have never saw myself as being thin or even just a little chubby I have always been obese. But now as I get more towards my goal Im getting a little more confident At parties however if I start to get interested in a guy it gets weird. He starts to touch me or even put his arms around my waist and I freak out on the inside. I dont feel attractive and I worry about how I will look at my goal wieght. Dont get me wrong Im very excited to get there, its 170 by the way, but what if im not happy. I wont want to go much lower but is it just me still seeing myself as big. Its thoughts like this that scare me a little.

great question -
I'm goiing on 20 months and almost 200lbs and wonder that myself...

the honest answer is - you'll beleive it when you choose to... I don't think a magic number will truly make you believe you're beautiful -it's about what you're feeling on the inside and the reality of what yousee in the mirror - not that image that'sin the head.

You've posted pictures, you are beautiful and you've worked hard - you earned the compliments you're getting... and do look wonderful

thanx I guess that is very true I will only see it when I choose to see it was the same way with weight loss in the first place It has to start with me.

In addition to what has already been said, you should be able to talk to someone you are getting close/intimate with and tell them you aren't comfortable. Don't put yourself in any situations where you feel uncomfortable or force yourself to be around someone you are uncomfortable with. Talking is a great way to get closer to someone.. things don't always have to be physical.

this question has been on my mind the past few weeks and I really wish there were an perfect answer - but you've pretty much nailed it -it does start with you...

I've seen people wandering around -heck I work with a few of them that have this completely deluded sense of self worth - that makes me wonder i f they even own a mirror at home or really have taken a good look at themselves or their behavior... I'm not sure that's any better than not believing the good either...

Act as ye have faith and faith shall be given to you. In other words fake it till you make it. Tell yourself every single day that you do indeed look as great as maleficent says you do

haha like that one maleficent I most surely will tell myself that

hey I'm bossy - you best do it missy

One of the things you'll have to start to deal with psychologically once you lose weight is that you'll be judged for you. That is, if a boy doesn't like you or isn't interested in you, it will have to do with something other than your weight.

That's not a comforting feeling for most, so you'll have to grow accustomed to it.

Also, your self-esteem isn't automatically going to appear just because you lose weight. And that's a tough thing, because if there is one thing I know about most guys, is that if they sense that you are insecure and weak, they will either :

a) take advantage of you and then discard you

or even worse:

b) keep you around and use your insecurities against you when they want/need something.

Note I said most guys. And also realize that for a majority of people, this type of control is very subtle. It won't be blatant or obvious.

So you really have to work on feeling good about yourself and feeling that you are worth having. The rest of the good stuff stems from that self-confidence.

Michael

That really is a great question. I have often wondered if being at my goal weight is going to make me happy. Like you are saying, we have to be happy with ourselves on the inside to enjoy what is happening on the outside. Thank you for bringing this up. I will be pondering on this for a while. In the meantime, I hope you can find the contentment and self esteem you are searching for.

you all bring up excellent points. and I have experienced some of those types of guys. and I am learning how to tell who from who and how to avoid certain situations. When I go to parties I do show some weakness around guys cause Im not used to getting that much of that type of attention and I will struggle and strive with it. I find myself now comparing weightloss to everyday life, a set back, maybe I gain a pound or two, I have to learn to move on from that. I have to tell myself to look at the situation, and that I cant let this one set back ruin what I have done, and what I will do. I feel with every recovery I grow stronger. Like building muscle , too buil muscle you must first damage it.

I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to see yourself as beautiful when you have seen yourself as the fat one for a long time.

You have done great so far and you'll continue to do great. Not every guy is obsessed with weight. I could care less about a girls weight. As long as she has a beautiful mind and the pretty face I'm totally hooked!

You are beautiful no matter what you think. I never feel handsome or even remotely attractive but people do like me. It just never sinks in..

I hope someday you'll feel totally comfortable with yourself and feel awesome!