I'm only 16, so maybe I can blame that for part of my ignorance and overall naiveness.

Okay, to begin, during tenth grade I wasn't happy with my weight or how I looked in the mirror. I didn't eat very healthy (e.g. cheese sandwiches loaded with mayo, more than enough servings of lasagna and garlic bread, no breakfast, etc.) I wasn't grotesquely overweight just not as fit as I could be. So, during the summer, I decided to turn my life around. I began eating less (what I thought was healthy) and exercising more. Sounds good, right?

WRONG. Here's the thing: Like many other aspects in my life, I became obsessive. I thought about my weight constantly. I would run 2-4 miles a day (on top of having already completed 3 exercise videos). And, even more, I would only consume a measly 600-800 calories a day ( talk about grotesque!). I thought this was the only way I could lose weight and begin a "healthy" lifestyle. Little did I know about the potentially detrimental and pejorative effects that would lay ahead.

But, here's what's really funny, I knew what I was doing the entire time but I wouldn't admit to myself that what I was doing was wrong. I was an avid lurker on this board and I became quickly aware that I wasn't consuming nearly enough calories as I should, nor exercising as healthy as I could. Even so, I continued to pursue my appalling and horrible habits (not so funny...). I kept telling myself that I was healthy and that I was eating enough, and that everything would be worth it. Well, was it?

Well, at the end of summer I lost a lot of weight (How much? I do not know..I avoided the scales as if they were the bubonic plague because, well, you know what they say: ignorance is bliss) and entered junior year with a whole new wardrobe and a bit of confidence (hence, just a bit). During the first semester, I somehow managed to maintain my weight loss, and still acquire straight A's.

However, the ticking time bomb exploded during the holidays and predictably, I binged. I figured I deserved a break after all my hard work and that I would go back to my regular habits afterwards. Ha ha ... not so much. I continued giving into atrocious temptations and do it in excess. As a result, I gained back much weight and felt horrible but I just couldn't stop. That is, up until a few days ago. I stopped binging and decided to go back to my obsessive habits which I somehow managed to do (note that this was just a few days ago).

Then, as if suddenly struck by lightning, it dawned on me. Just last night, as a matter of fact, I realized that I was WRONG (wrong, wrong wrong, wrong, wrong!) and I would only deter my health if I continued. I awoke with the biggest slap in the face (I was in a mental train wreck!) and now, I finally resolve that if I want to live a healthy lifestyle, I need to get rid of my obsessive rituals altogether and come up with something that I can stick to and maintain facilely (Which, lo and behold, is what you guys have been saying the entire time!)

So, my question to you is: How do I make the transition from my practically anorexic brinkmanship, and my couple of months of sickening binging to a healthy and sustainable diet?

I want to lose some of the weight I gained and become fit. So I'm thinking 1250 -1300 calories would do this along with a healthy amount of cardio and resistance training (but, what do I know?).

Would my body go into shock? Should, I gradually add in calories instead? I'm well aware that my body went through starvation mode but I don't know how to properly transition into a more healthy life style. Advice and comments would be much appreciated.

P.S. My apologies for the long thread (I guess it kind of parallels with my obsessive behavior :P). I just needed to get everything out into the open once and for all (It's actually very hard for me to open up, even on message boards, so this took a lot of strength to do.)

I honestly can't tell you how similar your story sounds like my own. Luckily you've caught yourself on your behavior when you are 16 as opposed to waiting until you are 26 like in my case.

My advice to you is to do what I did: give yourself a few days to mentally prepare. Start a diary and write out goals. It doesn't matter if they are lofty goals, or simple stuff. It will help you to get into a healthier mindset. Read other people's diaries. Make some friends on the forum. A lot of people here have gone through similar issues with food. There's a lot of support here, and a lot of resources. You can do it!

Thanks so much for the advice. It really means a lot, especially knowing that I'm not alone here.

And, I'll definitely consider keeping a diary. What a good idea!

giving your history perhaps you should try eating about 2000ish calories a day and eat more of a 'normal' diet. Yes your weight loss wont be as fantasticly fast, but it will teach you a way to live the rest of your life.

Yeah, I was thinking about raising my caloric intake but I just didn't know. I'll check my BMR and see if I could base it off that. Thanks for the advice!

I'm with wishes. Change your lifestyle. My weight loss is slow, but that is b'cause I've changed my lifestyle. I'm all about letting your body find its normal weight through healthy eating (not dieting) and moderate excersise. The more caloric dense healthy foods you eat, the less you will need to binge. And then by the time next Christmas comes around, you will be able to enjoy it without suffering or binging.

Thanks for the advice. Will do!