Boy I sound so contrary today- sorry to be so negative. I slept terribly and woke up bawling from a nightmare I had about my dogs. I think it's the worst nightmare I've ever had.

So I'm tired. And a little sad. And it's raining.

Nightmares suck... and there's no rule thast says you ahve to be suzie sunshsine all the time

are you sure you're getting enouhg calories?

Thanks Mal! For some reason I DO feel like I need to be Suzie Sunshine sometimes. I think in part it's because my boyfriend suffers from depression so I try to stay upbeat for both our sakes.

I'm pretty sure I'm getting between 1500-2000 day. Generally no more than 1700/day, though.

I should mention that I did start out lower for about a month- at about 1400/day, so I suppose that could have screwed me a little...

So I've been putting off reading the sticky about why water is so important to weight loss, because, well, I'm terrible about drinking water and hadn't added it back into my program. the last time I lost a good amount of weight was the first time in my life where I was drinking enough water. I swear i've been dehydrated all my life. I don't remember drinking much water as a kid. It was always milk or juice. In college, the tap water was gross and I didn't have money for bottled water...but then, I think it was more about beer anyway.

So I'm hoping this is a contributing factor to my weight loss stall. I'm in it too early to be plateuing already. I think I stumbled a bit on the caloric intake, so I've raised it. I also just went out and stocked up on a bunch of 2.5 gallon jugs of water for work and home, which I will fill with my Nalgene bottle as much as possible. For some reason I drink more water when I drink from this bottle.

So on with the program, with water included. I'm shooting for three bottles a day, which would be 96 ounces.

drinking water makes a big difference with me - I read somewhere once (and of course if you read it on the internet it must be true HA!!) that uou can tell you are drinking enough water by checking the color of your urine - it should be a light yellow -anything darker and you're dehydrated...

bottoms up

Mal is right about the urine. Light yellow or lighter is best.

I saw you had a bit of a snag in your week, but it's only Tuesday so I hope things are on the up and up from here out.

Also, as far as your snag, maybe you should take a one week break from low fat everything. Anything that is reduced from it's natural state usually gets sugar or sodium added to it to make up for the flavor. Those aren't necessarily good for your diet. This also might be a good time to change up your execising routine. Maybe rent/buy/borrow a kickboxing video or switch over to something high impact that isn't in your exercise regimen (I don't know what you do for exercise). That right there should give you a boost.

Stick with it. It will happen

Thanks for the suggestions. I appreciate you sticking around to read my journal even though there's nothing positive in it lately.

Man, I am feeling so down. I was treated for anxiety/depression two years ago when my husband left, and this winter when my health insurance changed my therapist wasn't in the network so I stopped going. I also stopped taking medication, as I felt I was more than ready, that it was "situational depression" and I'd moved on. I hope that's true, because I've always been a positive, happy person overall. This week has been pretty rough though. I don't feel positive about anything.

I despise my job, and when I got a call for an interview for another job I was excited for about two seconds and then all the negative thoughts started creeping into my head. "What's the point? You have freedom in your job now. This new job will cost you a lot more in gas and tolls (It's about 50 minutes from my house, my current job is 30 minutes away) so you won't be gaining anything, you'll probably suck at the interview anyway...."

Which my therapist would say is my way of rationalizing my fear of change, and I would agree. I really could use a change, and I would have to decide if it was worth the extra distance, etc. But I shouldn't even be getting worried about that, they haven't offered me anything but an interview, but I already have anxiety about it.

I absolutely do not want to go to the gym today. I am feeling so low on energy. It was very hard to get out of bed today. But then I beat myself up mentally for not going and that I'll never succeed if I skip the gym, blah blah blah.....I have started logging my calories again. I was surprised to see that it's 5 pm and I've only had about 800 calories today. I'm not hungry at all. Another thing that makes me worry about depression. Loss of appetite happened two years ago, too.

I guess I should:
a.) be good to me and go home, take a bath, make a fire ( I am so lucky to have a fireplace in my bedroom!) and eat a good meal
b.) not feel too bad about skipping the gym today especially if I'm in a deficit- it shouldn't make me gain anything, at least!
c.) try again tomorrow.

sounds like you've got a good plan to get youo thru the day... like Nike says -JUST DO IT you can 0- come on you know yu wanna

as for the interview - eh - it might not be the perfect job, but you never know - and you might get an offer and that'd be a nice boost -and if you dont get an offer - well their loss... besides it's good to keep your interviewing skills fresh - interviewing isn't easy and as much practice as you can get - all the better...

I'm still here. At least one bad thing has happened every day over the past two weeks. Don't feel like getting into it but the depression I had (for the first time ever) back when my husband left has hit me like a brick wall. I am going to see someone about this, next week.

In the meantime, I've been forgetting to eat, the medication I'm taking makes everything taste bad anyway, so this loss of fuel has obviously left me with nothing for the gym. I'll get back on it. I just put down my coping skills somewhere and can't remember where I put them.

In the meantime, although this is not from positive efforts, my clothes are getting bigger. I think I'll weigh myself today.

And Steve, if you happen to read this, I still want your feedback because I do not plan to be in this state indefinitely.

Sorry to read you're having a rough time-- can the doctors do anyhting about the meds - to not have that side effect?

Glad you're going to see someone abouot how you're feeling - hopefully you'll be able to resolve it sooner rather than later and you can start to feel better again.

Be gentle with yourself while you're not feeling well, take care of yourself...

I will reply soon. I can show you exactly what to do, but that doesn't mean it will work. It is ultimately up to you. Getting a grip on your mind is far more important than having a good "program."

You doing a wonderful job. Keep it going --- Talk about the problems you are having and get through them.

Even if no one reads them -- it may help you physically.

I am so proud of you!

Michael Paretti
Link removed
Anaheim, Ca.

You are fast Mal.

I really appreciate the responses. I hope everyone's day is going well!

Mal, you are a great cheerleader for us all.

Hi! I am sorry to hear that you aren't doing so well.
We all go through those times, and I for one can definately understand how much depression affects you. I too lose my appetite. I am very glad that you are going to see someone, and I hope you get what you need from it.
One thing I will say is that I see a therapist weekly, and I always feel so much more able to cope after I see her.

Take things easy. Cry if you need to. But dont wallow, that makes it harder to pick yourself up. Can you go outside? My therapist made me promise to go outside for at least a half hour a day. It helps alot. There is something so powerful in nature, and just getting out to feel like you are part of it is uplifting.
You are in my thoughts, and PM me if you want to talk, ok?
Hugs