Hiya Sam-

It's just the good old South Beach Diet. I realized in rereading the book that I pretty much live in the second phase effortlessly so I'm going to follow it in an adaptive manner- I don't want my eating to be entirely regimented but I realized that I do need some structure. How are you doing! I've missed talking to you!

Heya love-

Apologies for being MIA- very, very long weekend. My great aunt is very ill so we stopped at her place on the way home from Cape Cod and I basically was in the car for 10 hours yesterday. Thankfully I had today off to reorganize my life Started the SBD today and am feeling super positive about life! Extremely chaotic week ahead of me that I'm slightly dreading but will try to just move from one priority to the next- I don't know how I get myself into these things- How was your weekend? How are you doing?

Welcome back!

I've been faithful! I even didn't use ketchup with my 99 percent fat free turkey burgers! Instead, I used chopped tomatoes.

What is hard but worthwhile is that I've been stuffing some feelings down (about friends, family, etc.) all these years, and they are surfacing now, but I am not bleeding my strength with sugar so I'm ready for dealing with them.

Sorry to hear about your great-aunt Becka.

This is probably a stupid question reflecting my lack of understanding of this issue. I was wondering if your method to avoid purging is to focus on not overeating so that you wont purge or is the focus more on not purging -- no matter what you've eaten?

No question is a stupid question. i've been going to therapy since November to battle this so I'm not attempting to do it 'entirely on my own'. It's been part of me and my life since I was 16 so I'm well aware that I could utilize the external assistance. I'm not a full blown bulimic in that if I don't overeat, I won't EVER purge. It's a binge/purge cycle that is my problem. If I eat sweets or what I have come to recognize as my 'trigger foods', I purge. But I have never purged on healthy foods or very small portions of unheathy foods. Thankfully, it never reached that point. That's not to say that I don't have a serious problem, of course.

I've found that I need to avoid my trigger foods 110%. No ifs ands or buts- I can't just have a small sliver of them, as my brain sets off this immediate reaction to binge. So I'm slowly learning how to avoid bingeing, which, in turn, eradicates any potential purging.

Onto happier matters..sun is shining today! But I have loads of work to do- have a great day!

Congrats on remaining sugar-free- that's brilliant.

Repression is a b***h I'm afraid. I am chemically prone to repression and it has really killed me over the years. While it may seem unbearable to attempt to battle and confront all of the feelings you've gradually repressed over the years, the relief you'll experience once these feelings are faced and placed out in the open in comparable to nothing else. Trust me Try to deal with one person at a time or you'll just become too overwhelmed. Good luck!

Hey sweetheart . I just asked my question because I hope for you that one day you'll realize its OK to binge but its not OK to purge. Binging is the least of your problems as compared to purging (issues starting with the throat and stomach and who knows what else). Your worthy and beautiful despite binging (and purging of course) and despite gaining some weight from your binges. Does that make sense? That's the view from someone not experiencing what you are inside. But you're working on this already so I'm not trying to rush you or anything. Anyway, surely you've heard it all before, but I just wanted to throw in my perhaps unwelcome two cents about my hope for you.

Thanks. It's nothing really terrible. It's like when I quit smoking at first and suddenly realized there were certain people that "made" me want to smoke because they were toxic to me. I realized I didn't need them in my life, so I cut them out! I'm cutting out unnecessary stressors.

I'M DOWN TWO POUNDS- YAYYYYYYYYYYY! I finally feel like I'm making progress! I feel great, for a change. Have to go on the news today to advocate our upcoming fundraiser- SO NERVOUS!

Crazy things happen to me, I swear. This girl who was my 'best friend' in college completely severed relations with me the summer after we graduated and suddenly contacted me this past weekend- now we're catching one another up, etc. but i feel a bit strange as she entirely cut me out of her life and it hurts me. I feel so torn as its so great to be back in touch but she kept in touch with others and not me. Oh girls!

Loads of work to do today- crazy crazy- Have a great day everyone!

TAKE THAT, FAT! TWO POUNDS OF YOU, GONE! Go Becca!

Friendships are really puzzling sometimes!

Your 'two cents' are more than welcome! Thank you so much for your kind words- I really do appreciate it. I realize that the purging is the most serious of the two and was the first issue I need to resolve. I can't function after I binge unless I know I'm getting rid of the food so I just need to avoid the former to inevitably avoid the latter. That's the gameplan- Hope you're having a great day!!

You're plan sounds like its working great for you. However dear Becka, you CAN and WILL one day be able to binge or overeat AND function without any purging. That has got to be the true goal because (coming from experience) sometimes its just impossible to avoid overeating or even binging, despite our best efforts not to. Sometimes its on a special occasion like Christmas or our birthday, other times we just have the munchies, while others eat when depressed.

But overeating isn't necessarily that unhealthy for your body, depending on the frequency and I KNOW you can control your frequency and keep it to a bare minimum. Keep that in mind, overeating is not in itself harmful unless done all the time and when not counteracted with days that are on the healthy side of low calorie-wise to balance out the weekly calorie intake and thus avoid weight gain.

Anyway, good luck on the news. That IS nerve racking!!!! Let us know how it goes .

I know that some day, I will conquer and extinguish this 'beast' that lives inside of me.. It just takes time, unfortunately. It took 7 years to develop into a full-blown e/d and will probably take double that to rectify these habits. But I'm en route!

The news was fine. I hated the way I looked [surprise surprise] and my face looked like a bloody 14 year old balloon. I know i'll be praising myself for having such a youthful countenance in twenty years but i'm 23 and my face looks 14 [my boobs don't, mind you].

Day 5 of SBD- I dont' feel any different but I'm going to stick with it for the full two weeks and see what happens. Weight went up 3/4 pound but I'm not worried as I'm so well versed in the logic of weight fluctuation! Working all day then home to change and bartending from 5-3am- NO fun! Busy weekend ahead. Take care everyone x

We ALL hope for this combination luv .

I'm sure you looked great on the news. I hope you taped it so in a few years you can look back and re-think that description of yourself. I'm proud of you for having the *b-lls* to go on there.

So I had to have a biopsy on a few moles today- bit scary but rather routine for the most part. Super busy at work and spent far too long doing things for the wedding! Check out my website with all the details- i promise to finally post photos this weekend!

Your Wedding Webpage - The Knot

Have a great day everyone!