HI! Just thought I'd stop by your diary and thank you for offering your support to me. It's been a tough weekend and it was nice to read your comment. Anyway, I saw you online this weekend and tried to say hello but you were idle. Maybe I will catch you on some other time.

Oh...too bad about your snow storm. I hate snow. I hate it so much I can't even explain it to you. My heart goes out to you during this snowy patch in your life.

Talk to you later!

First of GOOD FOR YOU. I felt like i was reading about myself when I was reading you first thread. I have also a lot if issues and also signed up for hypon therpy but mine has come to a screaming hault. As part of my therapy I am suppose to forgive the one person who is responsibly for a lot of shit in my life and my families but I cant move on so not sure what to do.

but I am so happy it workrd for u.

Good luck

Hey Holly! I was bummed to have missed your IM the other night- Will hopefully catch you at some point but i'm not on very often.

We had a FOOT of snow today. RIDICULOUS. How was your day?

Hey there- Thanks for the comments. Forgiveness is one of the most complex, discombublating concepts in this world. It is something that we perceive as so incredibly simplistic until we reach a point where it is needed. I completed a double BA in psych/soc so I have strong background in psychological theories and I would surmise that your therapist believes that the individual with whom you feel unable to forgive is at the root of your problem and in forgiving him or her, you will be able to jump over your first hurdle and enter the healing process.

Through my own experiences in therapy, I have come to realize that some practitioners are far too steadfast on having their patients conquer their fears and move past barriers to an extent whereby they are pushing the patient away and compromising the patient-doctor trust [this happened in my case]. Don't feel like your situation is hopeless and don't feel that you, by any means, are doing anything wrong by refusing the begin the 'forgiveness' process. I believe that there is a time for everything- but I also believe that you can't force things- anything. You need to do things when you feel READY- when you are fully prepared to face any repercussions that may endure subsequent to your actions...when you are READY to forgive this person- you will. It's really that simple.

You can't be forced to forgive or forget, especially when it comes to someone who had a tremendously negative impact on your life. When I was seeing someone a few years ago about my sexually abusive ex-boyfriend, I was told I needed to forgive his actions. That, at the time, seemed ungodly- how could I forgive someone who told me they loved me but continually forced himself upon me? Even now, as I am writing I find this advice absolutely unseemly and fairly unrealistic. I havent forgiven him nor have I or will I have forget what he did to me.

I think there is a medium between forgiving someone and moving past what they did to you. It's a matter of coming to terms with what they did and making peace with yourself. Not justifying their actions nor accepting them- It's more along the lines of telling yourself 'this person was inhumane. he/she did this to me but it no longer defines who I am and will no longer severely intrude on my everyday life.' This statement may sound entirely unfeasible to you, depending on where you are in the healing process. Trust me, years ago I never thought I would get over what was done to me. And I probably never will- it has shaped me into the person i am today.

I hate to sound cliche but everything in life, good and bad, contributes to the person you become- whether as a rape survivor or a child abuse victim or a bullied school kid- every experience will eventually have some kind of positive impact on your life...pending that you are strong and wise enough to find the good in it. I'm not saying that these are positive experiences; but I am saying that it is impossible to heal, to move on if you focus entirely on the situation itself and the way it made you feel.

As far as forgiveness, you may Never forgive this person...but this does not mean you have to live each day in the aftermath of his or her actions toward you. Try to turn this person's behavior into something positive in your life- I have now directed/produced five productions of The Vagina Monologues-both professionally and at the college level; I have worked at domestic violence shelters; I have spoken out about my rape and my sexually abusive relationship. Try coming to terms with this person in this manner- you won't believe the way it will change your life.

All my love and best wishes to you- there is hope, I promise.

Aside from getting stung by a wasp in my bathroom my day was pretty nice.

Sorry to hear about your snow. I lived in Iowa for a little bit with my parents and hated every day of snow they had. I just don't think I am cut out for cold weather... I get cold when it's below 70.

Hope you're having a nice night.

By the way, how are your wedding plans coming along? I know it's coming up before the year is over so you must be planning away like crazy!

Talk to you later!

70 DEGREES!? We dont' see those kind of temperatures until at least JUly Welcome to the pelasures of living in the North Country!

Wedding plans are progressing quite smoothly, surprisingly. We have all of the main issues tackled and just have a few loose ends to tie up. Since we still have almost six months, we have to hold off on ordering a lot of things for convenience sake. Presently just waiting for our guests to return their RSVP's-evidently, they're in no rush! Even my friends are being so lazy as not to respond. They are just unfamiliar with wedding etiquette apparently! Have yous tarted planning for yours?

Hey there, I'm back but so much has happened in your diary that it will take me 2 hours to go through everything. Happy Tuesday

It's not that so much has happened- I just tend to be extremely long-winded at times! Once my thoughts start rolling, I can't shutup! But I'm very glad that you have returned

Ahhh thanks for you're on-going support.. tis all good! xxx

I know I know... 70 degrees... I'm a weather complainer. I don't like it when it's too hot either... I guess I need to live in a bubble... haha.

I'm glad your wedding plans are going along so nicely. It's a great relief when stuff like that is all completed.

As for me, I've been married for 2 years and hope to never have to plan my wedding again! Every person half way involved with either of us had to have their say in what we did. We finally just decided to have the kind of wedding his parents wanted us to have even though it was NOTHING like I had envisioned simply because they are people you don't want to mess with. When I first met them they hated me and my husbands dad even tried to bribe him out of dating me... no lie. So yeah, my wedding was very interesting to say the least. Oh, did I mention that my mom actually bought my wedding dress and had it mailed to me as a surprise? Sweet huh? Well, no. It was not what I wanted... I didn't even know she was doing it AND it was too small for me. She said, "Well since you were getting married I thought you'd manage to lose a couple pounds."! Just thinking about my wedding makes me sick. I hated every second of it and am so glad that at least I got my husband out of the whole ordeal.

Wow, I guess that turned into venting... lol.

How is your day going? Hope you're dong great!!

Heya- yes, I think you most definitely need to live in a climate-controlled dome

That's really discouraging about your wedding perhaps you and your husband could renew your vows in the near future and have a celebration based on what YOU have always dreamed of- Renewing your vows is becoming more and more popular these days- I intend on doing it!

Yesterday was admittedly shit. Just one of those days where everything felt like it was coming down on your shoulders... But today is much brighter and I'm feeling far more optimistic! HOw are you?

Wednesday 7:55 a.m.

Had a miserable day yesterday but after working things out with my best friend and having an amazingly long and hysterical conversation with her for 2 hours, I felt on top of the world. Sometimes, I find that people just need a reality check so they are reminded of what they have and who they have in their lives. In my case, I just need a bit of reassurance every once in a while by my loved ones to remind me that I still mean the world to them Me and my bloody insecurities! Did a pilates dvd last night- doesnt make me sweat very much but you can certainly feel the burn! Looking forward to the gym this afternoon.

No other news to report, I'm afraid. Have a fabulous day everyone!

Hey- I just wanted to stop in here and say thanks for the comments in my diary Also....isnt it amazing how just a few hours working out and chatting with a friend helps your mood...with all of my "blah" days, laughter with a friend always makes them better
Have a WONDERFUL wednesday!!

Hey you! Glad you are feeling better today! It's nice that yu have someone to talk to that can make you feel so much better!

We may renew our vows one day but I don't see that happening anytime soon. My immediate family and in-laws are still completely nuts! haha. I'm just trying to make peace with my in-laws in my mind so that I won't go nuts when we have kids and they're trying to take over. I know that my mother in law will try to take over and I'm already trying to lay the groundwork so that she understands what I want. If she steps on my toes with my children I will probably just try to kill her. Oh, did I mentiont hey live right behing me? hahahahahahaha... yes, that was crazy laughter you just heard! lol

Well, I hope you are having a fantastic day. Have fun at the gym!!

Oh, what kind of pilates tape do you use?

Hey Lindsey!

You're so right- there's nothing better than a nice, long, silly chat with your girlfriends about men, sex and whatever else comes to mind! Day five million of heartburn- this royally stinks. I can't figure out where it is coming from but it simply won't desist. Gosh darnit-