^ Yay good eating! Some bad stuff but hey we're not robots

I got my hair cut today. I was nervous [first timer at the hair dressers], but I like it. They fixed the mess I made by cutting my own hair, and it smells good.

I might be seeing David again soon. We made up, but things are very uncomfortable.

I had a craving for chocolate and had a little. I feel good! Bring on 10 stone!!!

I got my hair cut today as well- I'm not crazy about it but it is short and managable! I'm glad yours looks and smells good now.

I also had an ice cream- 270 calories, because I was feeling depressed.

I spent 2 hours at the gym and probably burnt 400 calories, but blah, I don't feel any more fit, lol. Next time I'll try their group classes. I want Thursday to come already so that I know if I get the job or not, and then i can plan my a schedule out, as I was thinking of taking extra classes- something like writing or impromtu classes....they should be fun. I just need distractions from the breakup and something to spice my life up!

So today I had:
- 1 bowl of oatmeal with 2 tsp sugar
- 1 cup of tea with milk
- 1 chicken sandwich with lettuce and cheese on whole wheat bread
- 1 banana
- 1 chicken salad: lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers
- 1 ice cream cone
- few blue berries

Take care Becks!

I've been at David's house since monday - this is probably the most I've ever been with David and it's really good!

We've just been watching TV - I love Nigella Lawson - and watching movies. Sister Act & Jackass Number Two. We snacked on junk food the first night, but then I started to feel horrible and so I told David we were to start eating better, so we've been having fruit and veggies.

I had a TOM tummy ache and David has been giving me hot water bottles and running me bubble baths. It's been nice.

We're going shopping soon [first time going out in a few days] for some peppers, onions [for Fajitas] and we're going to subway! A sandwich full of veggies, fruit and protein!!!

I'm also gonna get weighed. Update later

I've gained 3 lbs. I made sure we bought fruit, veggies, protein, dairy, etc. I'm gonna eat good today, and get those lbs off! On my defense, I was wearing heavier shoes than usual and I did eat a lot the night before, without going to the bathroom. Ick, I know, but its my excuse.

3 lbs? Well it could be a lot of factors, you're right! Let me know how the next weigh-in goes!

I ate a lot today myself, just thinking about some stuff depressed me, and I well...binged a bit on unhealthy foods. I feel like I let myself down because I'm dreading getting weighed tomorrow! But we shall see.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend Becky, let me know how all goes!

Yup, 3 lbs. I ate better yesterday and today though. I'm gonna go for a run a few times this week too. I need to start doing that again.

Hey lovely lady,

Thanks so much for the message of support, you rock! I was so glad to see you on msn today because I havent seen u in forever, too bad I couldnt stick around to chat longer. Let me know how you've been!!

^ You're welcome honey. I hope you had a good birthday!

Mine is coming up on the 8th, three days away. I'm not looking forward to it.

I've been miserable a lot recently and after looking at Depression symptoms, it was scary to see that I am experiencing too many of them. I don't like it, but it's the only possible answer for how I feel. I need to do something now, cause if I don't, I'll have a terrible life.

I want a good life.

I still haven't gone for a run. I'm crying on the inside cause I'm trapped in a lazy body. I just can't do it. I want to talk to someone about it (a professional), but I've done it before and it sucked. They did nothing for me (obviousy, look where I am?).

I'll have to help myself.

Hey hun,

I'm sorry to hear that. Some days I feel I have problems with depression too...and at least going to someone (don't go to the same person) and talking about it may give you a better understanding of what you have to work with- more for yourself- so it doesn't matter as much if the other person doesn't help you.

Whatever the case, you know you have a support from me! Maybe you can get a support group meeting thing set up??

Let me know what you decide upon. xoxo

Thanks honey I appreciate it.

I don't know what I'll do. I definitely know the cause of the problem and I can't do anything about it. Rejection from my family, constantly. It's my birthday tomorrow and they've not mentioned it (I always mention it first), and I had one surprise (I never have them on my birthday so I was very excited about it) and my mum told me it was a hair drier. She got me one for christmas. I guess she doesn't care enough to think about what I already have. She doesn't love me enough to put thought into it.

On a brighter note, and to make myself happier..
I ordered another moleskine yesterday so it should be here today. I'm gonna fill it up with just writing so I can look back on it and remember the bad times, and hopefully cherish the good times I'll be having in the future.

David bought me a tshirt and loads of other stuff and I have my birthday gifts from him right here for tomorrow morning. He's going out early (on the bus too! <3) for another gift for me even though I insisted not to. He's been so wonderful about my birthday because my parents aren't, and he's taking me back to Windermere (we went there for my 17th) to have a picnic!

I just want to be with David and away from here as much as possible.

Oh, I forgot. On the weight side of things, I went birthday clothes shopping and I discovered I'm now a size 12 UK! I've gone from 16 (shameful) to a 12 in four months. I feel really good about that.

I ate well today.

Happy 18th birthday, you sweet thing... I hope this is your best year yet and the day brings you nothing but smiles!!

^ Thank you so much! That's very sweet. I had a brilliant day and this weekend was even better, I was taken to Lake Windermere in Cumbria just like last year! It was fab.

Thanks again!

Hey you,

Haven't heard from you in a while! What's been going on? Did you end up getting the tribal butterfly tattoo...and how is the weight loss coming along?

xoxo

^ I haven't got my tattoo yet. I chickened out I'll get it though. I want to experience other painful things first, like getting a brazilian wax, haha.

I've frozen with my weight loss. I'm at 10 stone 3 lbs (143) and I'm quite happy at the moment. I'm just enjoying the rest to be honest.

As soon as college starts, I'll be more active and I'll have a reason to be active, even though I have a reason now.. to be healthy. We'll see, though.