My name is Jennifer, or LaLa, or Lucky, or whatever else you wanna call me. (ANYTHING but Jenny. You call me Jenny you'll lose weight real fast due to decomposition) I'm going to go ahead and toss out the whole back-story so that I at least have a reference point if anyone has a question I end up answering 50 times.

I remember feeling fat for the first time in 4th grade, and at that time I was by no means fat. But I've been conscious of my weight ever since. When I was little I played outside all the time, but as I got older and had to participate in gym, I got to disliking pretty much anything to do with physical activity. I guess I was always relatively slender, I just felt fat.

I failed gym my sophomore year in high school by refusing to participate whenever we played any kind of high-energy game, which was pretty much half the time. Go figure. So for my junior year I was given the option to participate in Advanced P.E., which was basically weight-lifting. We would go to the weight room 3 days a week and do other activities for the other two days.

Since there was only one other girl in the class besides me and we didn't always want to play basketball (which is what the boys usually did since most of them were on the basketball team), our teacher (the basketball coach coincidentally) let us walk the perimeter of the gym on the days we weren't lifting. Through that class I grew a love for weight-training, because it was in that class that I lost about 25 lbs, putting me at 130-ish and looking the best I could remember looking. My confidence was sky high, I felt great physically and mentally, I was just on top of the world.

Then summer hit. I let my emotions control me. When I stress I overeat. That summer I was worried I might be pregnant, so I stressed, so I overate. Then I saw my slightly bigger tummy in the mirror, which made me worry even more that I might be pregnant, so I ate more. By the end of my senior year I had gained back what I'd lost the year before plus 5 lbs.

I've escalated ever since and my peak was at 180 earlier this year. I lost 8 lbs from eating Lean Cuisine meals and cutting out all junk food and pop from my diet, only drinking water and occasionally juice or milk, but then I moved out of my mom's and packed back on a couple pounds just from going back on junk food and pop.

So here I am.

I don't know why it took me so long to look for such a place as this where I can connect with others like me, but I'm here now. I felt like I couldn't talk to my family about it because they're all fatter than me, and I couldn't talk to my fiance's family about it because they're all skinnier than me. And my poor fiance, I've complained so much to him and he thinks I'm crazy because he loves my body, but he doesn't understand that his opinion on the matter only means so much.

My goal is to get back down to where I was before, when I first started dating him (in high school!), my amazing 135. When I was in school it only took me about 6 months to lose what I lost, and technically less than that because we slacked off big time during basketball season and the end of the year. If I work my ass off I could probably get down to my goal weight by the end of the year, maybe a little bit longer. I don't want my New Year's resolution to be to lose weight next year.

So I bought a workout ball and some weights a couple of weeks ago, but I've been having motivational issues. I always seem to have motivational issues lol. But just being on this site tonight made me work out a little while ago. The competition will help I think... Plus the fact that I got back some pictures from my fiance's graduation last week and 1) I look horrible and 2) his sister-in-law is starting to slip which is encouraging to lose weight and rub it in the skinny goat's face! i mean... haha...

So yeah... I can't wait to meet a bunch of other people looking to lose weight. If anyone is around 5'9" - 175 lbs or trying to lose 40 lbs, I'm always up for a little friendly competition to stay on track.

BTW: sorry this was so long to those who were willing to stick it out all the way

hi Jennifer:
Well I want to loose more than 40 pounds around 73 to be exact hehe thats why I decided to join the forum! I ve been reading quite alot and has helped me stay focused but like you I also have motivational issues! yaik! i know it sucks, you know you want to do it but another part of you says no and refuses 2 . I guess it is just a constant internal battle until you get used to doing whatever it is that you need to do. mmm like for me start exercising seriously...in order to reach my goal
so lets do it!

Yep, I've got fourty to lose too. I'm only 5'4". You can do it! Just make the changes and WAIT for fulfillment! All the best to you.

Thanks for the support guys. I slacked yesterday but the day before I did get some exercise in. I'm trying to cut out the pop again also, I just have to daggone remember to take water to work with me cuz i don't like the fountain water there and dasani = icky. I was going to walk my fiance's brother's black lab today which would have been an awesome workout because she has dominance issues and woulda been trying to drag me all over the place, but she wasn't here when I got home so I might just work out double hard lol.

I'm only 5'3", but right now i weight 175 like you, and am going for 125

Haha I wouldn't mind being a few inches shorter, but I'll settle for a few pounds lighter.

I just took my "before" pictures for the summer challenge and I was kinda surprised because I look a wee bit smaller than the last time I took a picture like this of myself. Yeah, I totally had to add the black bars like in magazines lol. Instead of a fashion don't it's a health don't. I can't wait to remove my bars!

Short term goals:
~Reach 160 to finally be back in my healthy weight range. (125-168)
~Do 10 push-ups a day (right now I can't do any!)

Long term goals:
~Reach 135!!
~Do 30 push-ups (I don't ask for much haha)
~Have toned tummy and triceps! (getting rid of the chin jiggle would be nice too )

Welcome to the forum Lucky!

I'm 5'4" & at 185 now... wishing I can reach 160 at least by my sister's wedding this October. I really want to make it to 130s. So we are in similar places...you just have a head start of me.

I love that you consider walking the dominate dog as a workout! That kinda of thinking outside the box has to pay off I believe. I mean anything can be a way to burn calories right? Just depends on how you do it. Hope you ended up getting something done.

Good luck. We can do it.

Oh trust me, it is. She's all muscle so she'll yank you all over the place if you let her. You have to really put work into keeping her from dragging you down the road lol.

Reaching 160 in 5 months is a good goal, and if you work at it I know you'll make it, you'll probably even pass it. It's surpising what we can do when we put our minds to it.

Some visual history:



I guess I was mostly slender throughout school, it was afterwards that I gained. Though as you can see I was a chubby baby!

^i was just like you growing up! and i began to think i was fat in 4th grade too...my brother put that notion in my head. you become what you think you are, because you assume that's your role. I was never fat, but my brother called me fat, so i assumed my role was the chubby younger sister, and that's what i became.

I was anorexic in high school & a few years before (ballet helped support that progress), but after I left for college & was on my own away from all the past stress & expectations, I ended up learning to love food & realized that I needed it. On came the weight.

Have to think that if we were at an average healthy weight at some point, we have to be able to reach that place again.

Heh.. I've always been overweight. Since birth!

Lovely to see your face at last! Ha... the previous ones with bars over your face dun do justice.
U got a gorgeous smile too. Hope u hv a good time on board!

snobunny: yeah, i don't know how i got it in my head i was fat, i just looked down one day at my belly and decided it stuck out too much i guess.

moongoddess: i fully believe we can all get to a healthy weight, whether we've been there before or not lol. i love food too, it's my bane.

pinkydolly: more recent pictures of me are hard to come by lol unless i've taken them myself, and those are all from the shoulder and up, and i have to be at an angle where you can't see my weight in my face lol. i'm so vain when it comes to that lol

and for a journal update:
so yesterday i got what felt like the biggest compliment in the world from my boss. she was walking up to me to let me know what i'd be doing for the day, and she said, "Have you lost weight?" lol i was taken by surprise so all I said was, "i guess a little."

Just knowing that it looks like i'm losing weight made me happy because it means that the fat's starting to do the pre-loss shift it tends to do when i lose weight. i'll work out and it'll seem like i'm not losing anything but my weight will shift where it is on my body and then just start dropping off. then of course there's the plateau lol.

but that one little question has bumped up the motivation. +1 motivation point to my boss! lol

had an off day i overloaded on mcdonald's and candy. i guess my "excuses" are being stressed out because I have an inventory at work tomorrow and i've had to haul ass to get my backroom clean and orderly. That's really no good excuse, i take complete responsibility for being weak and not telling myself to wait till I got home to eat after work. I'm feeling really bummed right now and my stomach hurts a little, but maybe in a few minutes after it settles i'll exercise.

Despite my current setback, I've still managed to lose a pound. It makes me wonder how much I could've lost had I not had a relapse in laziness and piggyness. Ah well, I suppose I should go do something active...