Hello Everyone!

*Warning, my post is rather long sorry!*



I am twenty years old. I am a mom to one son who will be turning three in June. I know, I had him young but hey, that's life. I have no apologies to make about that and no regrets. I have a loving hubby and he is a wonderful father to my son. So I guess I can say that I have two wonderful men in my life, hey what more could a woman want?

Anyway, this diary isn't about them, it's about me...

You see, I am an emotional eater. Bad day at work? There's icecream in the freezer! Relationship troubles? Chocolate's your best-friend!.... The list goes on I think you get the point.

Back in 2002 I was able to make some really healthy choices, I quit smoking, started eating right, excercised at the gym and rode my bike (no driver's licence back then! ha, ha!) everyday. I was able to maintain this healthy new lifestyle for a good year or so. In 2003, I started dating my friend (now DH and son's dad). I moved in with him and shock! I got pregnant. Although I sometimes "ate for two" most of my weight gain was water retention and I was back to my pre-preggo size and weight about two months after DS was born.


I am somewhat (to put it lightly) of a perfectionist. Being fired was a major blow to my ego I was completely depressed not to mention stressed. I had put my education on hold to get this job so I could contribute to my family's finances and feel like I have a purpose and for what? So I could get fired for sticking up for myself at work?

I made a BIG mistake and I fed into the negativity of the situation. Instead of valuing myself as a strong young woman and good mother who now had the opportunity to stay home with my son for the summer I told myself I was a bum, a high school drop out, no good and a young mom! I looked at my body in the mirror and ignored my toned arms and legs, my firm tushy! I stared at my stomach that carried a new life into this world (and had the stretch marks to prove it) and told myself there was no point in working out because my stomach makes my body ugly anyway. This was not the way to go, and I probably knew that then but didn't acknowledge it. Long story short, I put on a good SIXTY-FIVE pounds while taking a "who cares?" attitude towards myself.

I have made a lot of improvements in my life since I traveled on that dark and ugly road. I decided to get back to school and I graduated! Boy that was tougher than I thought it would be! I am pumped to be going to college in the fall though! I learned to love and value myself again and I have let go of the people that make me feel bad about myself. I put more effort into my close interpersonal relationships and my family. My next improvement that I have yet to make is losing the rest of this weight. I am on my way though, I am down 195 from 210 that's a fifteen pound loss! I am very happy and proud of myself for it but I am trying to get down to 145 by February 14th, 2008. My short term goal is to weigh 180 by July 25th.

Whew! If you have made it to this point I thank you! I know that was long but I wanted to get it out. I hope to make some friends and give/get support from these boards. I can't wait to learn a little about you as you have just learned a little about me.

I'll see you on the boards!


Tori

From one perfectionist to another, I'm glad you are here & wish you luck.

Congrats on losing the 15 pounds you have lost already.

Hi there love,

OKAY, for starters, BREATHE! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are millions of us emotional eaters out there- too many perhaps! Secondly, you've taken the first step- you're being proactive about making a change and recognizing that you have a somewhat detrimental relationship with food.

YOu recognized that you succumbed to the negativity and hopelessness you experienced through food and unfortunately faced some heavy repercussions.
First of all, recognize that the emotional and mental scars will take much longer than the physical scars to heal. You CAN get this undesired weight off within an appropriate duration of time. The emotional side of food addiction, however, takes a very long time to work through and overcome- BE PATIENT with yourself and despite how motivated you may feel, don't punish yourself for 'relapses' in emotional eating- it happens to all of us. We're human. That's not to say I encourage it by any means but unfortunately, some times habits are so engrained that they take years, if not decades to entirely break.

You should really be proud of yourself for all of the achievements and improvements you have already made thus far. You're definitely en route towards your goal. You've already seen weight loss progress so keep doing what you are doing and if you need any food/eating/fitness advice, we're here. Check out my thread- Eradicating the fear- it may provide a source of comfort knowing how much I and others understand emotional eating. Take care and good luck- Look forwarding to chatting w/ you! Bec

Thank you both for taking the time to read and reply to my Diary! <<< I never thought I would say that to anyone! Diaries were so private back in grade school! I look forward to talking to you and more nice people like you!

Oh and thanks for the link Bec!

yeah I NEVER thought I would be comfortable with so many people knowing my real weight!

Luckily there are some great people on here & we are all so encouraging & supportive of one another. Amazing how similar so many stories are. So what are you doing activity wise to lose calories. I'm wearing a pedometer & trying to walk more each day than I did the day before. Was lifting weights & doing some flexibility work but I did something to my back & too a little time off. Doing much better now.

Anyway the challenges on here have really helped to get me moving & keep my motivation up.

Also I track what I eat at Sparkpeople.com. Its helps me to pace my calories & see what I am missing.

I know what you mean! I used to never tell anyone my weight. Now I find it kind of liberating! Also it makes me accountable for other people to know. It's like, "Yeah I weigh ____, now what am I going to do about it?"

I'll have to check out that website. Is it free? I track my calories too. I use Calorie Counter Database - Free Online Diet Program it is pretty good and free. To lose weight I walk about 5.9 km (3.7) miles each morning. I need to buy a pedometer but for now I am using google's pedometer. I have a gym membership but with the nice weather I haven't been going so much but when I am there I use the elliptical. I work out with my dumbbells at home and do calisthenics on most days. I also like to bike but can't always get the chance. I found that I get a pretty good workout taking my son out to the park. He likes it and I can run and chase after him too. I don't really consider these my workouts though but I try to do active things just to burn some extra calories. Cleaning my house and running up and down my stairs has been pretty good for that too lol!

Way I look at it every movement counts. It all adds up at the end of the day. Good for you getting the gym membership. I can't bring myself to spring for that one. I have a treadmill so I can do the rainy day workout, but I would love the weight machines.

I got my pedometer on ebay fairly cheap & its been worth it. Its a sportline 360. Shows time, steps, distance, all kindsa stuff.

Oh & sparkpeople is free. Free is my favorite price! I will have to check out the Calorie Counter site. I just use sparkpeople because someone on here introduced me to it & it has charts & you can add in stuff you eat really, rather than guessing what its most like. Dunno. Some people hate it, but I am used to it, so I'm going to stick with what works.

I can only imagine the workout your son gives you! Sounds like a lot of fun.

Hi girls- I'll echo what moongoddess noted- we've all reached a point n our lives where we are displeased with our outer selves and this 'sharing of experiences' is extremely liberating. Weight is usually a very private issue, which is why eating disorders can manifest themselves so easily- noneof us ever want to talk about anything related to our eating habits or our weight!

I follow the buff brides workout [perhaps i mentioned this in my last post?] which is a toning fitness regime with weights. Over the past few months I have attempted to develop a love for running- its a love/hate relationship at present. I recently joined LA Weight Loss again [as you can see in my thread] because regardless of my calorie counting, keeping it to 1600,1500,1400,1300 and finally 1250, did not exhibit any progress so I knew I needed something new. Alsom my late night bingeing was beginning to creep up on me again so I was proactive- My mum is following it and i followed it before college and lost 20 pounds so I know it works.I feel healthier already. Hope you ladies have a lovely afternoon!

Wow I checked out sparkspeople.com. It looks pretty good. I think I am going to give it a try. Thanks for the link MoonGoddess. That buffbrides workout sounds interesting Bec, I'd like to check that out. I enjoy using my weights at home and love to hear about any workouts I can do from home without much equiptment.

I'll have to check out ebay for a pedometer. I went shopping today and was looking for one but they didn't have any in the mall I was at. I am hoping to find one in a store though. I am regretting last Christmas where I saw a bunch of them for $7.99 but decided not to buy one!

I may be taking the L.A. weightloss or weightwatcher's route soon. I haven't lost anything for the past week. I am not sure if that is too soon to tell or worry about it being a plateau so I am just going to continue doing what I am doing for another week or two and hope to see a change.

Thank you both for being so welcoming to me. It is nice to have people to talk to that know what I am going through!

I'm a bit new here, too. Nice to meet you .

I've seen you on a couple other threads and figured I'd visit you here.

I was a young mom, too. My daughter is nine. I'm 26. Being a young mom was definitely stressful at times! Congrats on your marriage as well .

I'm a member at myfittrainer.com. I like being able to track there. I haven't really checked the other sites so I cant say if it's better or worse than others. They have workout plans as well and they email them to you in the morning.

Anyway, nice to be on this journey to better health with you!

That's what we're here for LA is a bit expensive but i find that the regulation of being forced to go to the center twice a week and have someone else weigh me is enough pressure to keep me on track. When you can keep your eating habits and weight concealed, its so easy to return to bad and old habits. What are you doing at present for eating/fitness- perhaps I could provide some insight before you pay for a program?

You can find pedometers really cheap on amazon or in any kmart/walmart i believe!

When I have a chance, i'll give you a few sample worksout for buff brides. I work out in the gym, only because there isnt much space at home but the worksout are actually designed for following at-home!

welcome to your diary and the site - as you're finding you are definitely in good company here and you are absolutely not alone in your struggle

enjoy your stay and much success on getting to where you want to be andhave fun along the way

Where did my post go???

Oh well! I wrote a new post on here but I guess it didn't make it.

I lost another two pounds yay me! I still haven't bought a pedometer but I will try and get one soon! I will have to check out walmart for sure! In the meantime, Gmaps Pedometer has been really helpful at least letting me know how far I walked and planning my routes. Also, Walk, Jog Or Run Pace Calculator has been giving me a pretty good idea of how many kms/miles I've been doing per hour so I think I am getting a pretty close estimate when I log my activities on calorie count.

I have been doing really well with my walking this week. I have gone everyday not always very long, I haven't been able to go as long as I wanted too some days but hey that's life as a mom. I am just happy to be getting out there! I walked a good four miles today. I was pumped because that was a bit further than I have been going. My plan is to walk somewhere new everyday (or chance I get). My son is in preschool during the week so I walk him to school and then I track my distance from there. It has been working out pretty well.

All in all good week, I am glad I joined everyone I have talked to has been wonderful and there are many more I still have yet to meet! Oh yeah, I am using sparkpages too. I don't really use there calorie counter. I use c-c for that but there fitness pages are pretty cool and also I have been lurking in the forums there too.

That's it 4 now!

Awesome on the 2 pounds gone!!
Congrats.

Thanks a bunch!