This would be my first entry, and bare with me, I am pretty illiterate when it comes to this style of diaries. I have read a few other diaries here and there, even though I would rather not show my pictures -- at least not yet, I feel it will be just as sufficient to describe my weight loss strugles briefly, I promise

When my parents separated and my mother chose to move quite a far distance away, and since I am the eldest out of two daughters, I was forced at an early age to "grow up." My mother would spend as much time at work in order to put food on the table and to further our development. This created a huge lack in the mothering skills that we desperately desired. I had to start taking care of my sister at a tender age. I would make sure we (My sister and I) would meet after school and ensure that she ate and was okay until my mother came home and took over. Considering I was only 9 or 10, I really could not make much so my mother would buy us quick and easy fixes for meals after school. This consisted of a lot of prepared foods as well as junk food and soda. Sure, this kept me and my sister quite happy at the time, but it has taken a very long time to break the cycle. Such food was now entrenched in my life style, not only was it easy and cheap solutions, but it almost made me feel happy. Somewhat of a quick fix, I always indulge in these foods especially when I am extremely stressed out.

I have been trying to work out and eat as healthy as possible. I've been seeing great results so far! To be honest though, I have hindered the process somewhat since i've chosen to ignore my weight loss process. I hate weighing myself on my scale and keeping track of those 3 numbers. Sometimes it depresses me so much and I've failed to transform that guilt into motivation. I find that fat is turning into muscle and I've come to terms with my progress. I know it's better to be healthy and live a healthy lifestyle instead of losing the lbs I want and still live an unhealthy lifestyle. I know I weighed 170 something about a couple of months ago and the only time I am weighed is when I have too. I hate using scales and I'd rather keep track of my BMI...because then I flat out know my fat % and muscle %. It makes life much reasurring. The only trouble I seem to be having is losing stomach fat. I am not sure what I could do to get rid of it, but i'd really like to!

Cheers!

YESTERDAY .... WAS NOT a good day for me calorie wise. I had a really tough day at work on Thursday and I did not spare any expense when it came to indulging in the "bad" stuff. I am talking about pizza, coke and peanut M&Ms. I feel so guilty for not being able to control myself. Especially since I was doing relatively good all week. I watched how much I consumed and planned meals the best I could. A mistake like this makes me feel guilty, and basically, I am pissed off. I hate how I can throw all that hard work out the window due to a bad day at work.

..At least I had a good work out yeserday

I'm so excited! I really hate weighing myself and rarely engage in such guilt-ridden behaviour haha. I always feel so ashamed weighing myself, but I think I'm coming around. I do not understand why I get scared whenever I am weighing myself..I think it's because I was forced to do so many times and whenever I did the outcome was never satisfying. For example, when I first visited my new doctor (I have two now, one that actually is an amazing practioner and some next fool since I moved towns) he told me I was overweight and should stop drinking soda everyday and stop eating chicken skin. First off, I didn't even visit him to hear i'm overweight. AND Second, I couldn't believe he assumed those were my eating habits. How dare he assume i'm some individual who just sits at home and eats junk food all the time. I was really pissed off...I may commit the latter every now and then, but it was unfair. I may need to lose weight and tone up quite a bit, but I am at the same time big boned and I have a huge chest. Why don't people ever factor those two in? Anyways, lol, it still bothers me obviously..but yeah ontothe good news: I weighed myself this morning AND I went from 179lbs to 170lbs to 166lbs! I am so happy and proud of myself...even after munching on those "bad" foods.

SO.. yeah this would be my first serious attempt to do this, bear with me

AND feel free to tell me where I'm going wrong and/or better food choices, it can be hard when my papa buys the groceries lol!

Before my Workout: Activia Yogurt

Exercise: My workout for today consisted of half an hour of yoga and then another half hour on low impact activities.

Lunch: 4 pieces of asparugus; 1 1/2 cup of pasta measured with pasta sauce

Snack: PBJ sandwich on whole wheat

Dinner: Small potato with butter (very little applied), handful of veggies steamed and glass of milk

Snack: handful of grapes and raspberries and tea (2 milk and 1 1/2 tsp of brown sugar)

NOTE: I fully hydrate myself throughout the day.

I'm new at this. Please be friendly!

I'm proud of you as well!! It's been a couple months if you are still stopping up update this thing, i'd love to read more about your activities and how you are coming along on this long hard.. but very rewarding road in life!

And if you no longer come on i'm sending a Virtual message "Hope you are doing well!!"