Well, I'm back. I've been gone for ages really, but now it's time to get things rolling again. Can't go around and feel sorry for myself any more, it won't do me any good.

I'm starting a new journal because.... I can't find the other one. XD And well... it wasn't really that good to begin with. So it's time for a new one.

So if I get back to the whole weight loosing issue now, I've had a bad weekend really... alcohol and soda and chips and what nots. XD But I haven't had any alcohol since feburary so I chose to have some... that the some became alot it a whole other story. ^_^ But I had fun, that's what counts.

And I waked quite alot during the weekend... but not enough to counter the whole calorie intake thing... not by a long shot. And yesterday I made myself a cheese pizza when I got home... I really really wanted one so I made one. I couldn't help myself. -_-; But it was good.... really really good, so it was worth it.

So anyway I've gained alot during the weekend, alot of it is (hopefully) water weight... I know some of it is at least, now I'm just waiting for it to leave my body, feel kinda bloated really... ^_^;

Other then that I feel kinda good, I have some stuff to do this week though. My little brother is graduating so I have to go to my mom's house and help with prepperations and stuff... boring as hell but it has to be done... and it's annoying because when I'm there it's really hard to keep on track with the diet and stuff because my mom is always trying to give me stuff I really don't need to eat, but really really like, so I often end up eating it...

I won't be keeping track, not much anyway, on the graduation day though. Not worth it, it'll be odd if I do. I'll keep it in mind tho so that I dun over eat and stuff. But it'll be really good food and stuff so.... yeah. XD

That's it for my rant for now though.... and besides, I have to get going, I have laundry to do. >____<; Another boring thing that has to be done even though I reallly dun want to.

Laters everyone~

So the first day of the week has passed for me. I've done alright today... not overly good, but it was an ok day.
The cravings got the better of me in the evening though, had some poppcorn and some cheese... dunnu why, but I've been craving cheese for a couple of days now.

The cravings are going to be my downfall really... but I have to just get over it. No need to fret. It'll all work out.... -_-; But like I mentioned before, gonna go to my mom's and help her out with stuff, and preparing food. *sighs* It's evil.

Oh well.

That's it from me for now though. Dun have much more to say about today.

Laters~

I don't sleep well at all at my mom's house.... the bed is to soft. -_-; And yesterday I ate more then planned.... again.... but i dun think I ate over 200 cals or something more then planned.

I dun have my computer program so I can add everything up... and I'm gonna be here untill friday.... and tomorrow it's dooms day. Lots and lots of food to eat, the good thing is that there ain't gonna be any cake, just a rubarb pie, and I'm not that fond of that kind of pie. I might take one small slice, but that's it.

And I think I might be coming down with a cold, it's really annoying. *sighs* I dun wanna get sick, I'm really misserable when I'm sick. And I eat more... and I'm still not down to my starting weight this month. >___<; Alcohol sucks.... it might be fun for the moment, but it really sucks in the long run.

So what am I gonna do today? Bake pie and bread, shop for some new clothes to wear tomorrow (I hate to shop for clothes, there's never anything that I like. And if I like it there isn't anything in my size.) colour my hair, clean my mom's house....

This sucks.... -_-;

I'm having a really really bad week... I never got down to my starting weight at all... and now I gained another 3.3 lbs! >____>;;; I have no friggin self restraint.... -_-; I have to get my act together now. I can't continue like this, I hate it, I want to loose it!

...It's starting to feel a bit hopeless though.... And now I have a cold, and that doesn't make anything better. I feel sorry for myself and what not and end up eating more then I should. I hade one of those days yesterday, I seriously just stuffed my face even though I wasn't hungry at all. -_-; No more of that now, I can't keep on doing this...

I found an old pic of myself from like middleschool or something like that... and I was so frigging skinny! >___<; Who the heck said I was fat back then? That person should get a beating.... prolly my mom.... -_-;

Oh well.... Gonna try and get through this day without eating any bad stuff, or eating to much... I can't continue this way, I really hate myself right now. I'm not at all satesfied with my effort or my body. I feel gross....

Yeah... Going home today. Maybe I'll be able to get back on track there... I just can't focuse at my mom's house.... It's like what little self restrait I have goes out the window.

And I miss my own bed. -_-; I can hardly sleep at all when I'm at my mom's house, my neck is stiffer then a board at times because of the pillows and stuff. *sighs*

I feel misserable, I get more and more depressed every passing day. I continue to move backwards... there isn't any progress at all. >___< I'm so frustrated and annoyed. I'm really looking forward to going home agian. And I miss my computer and all my different writing projects there, I do nothing when I'm at my mom's house, and she bitch and moanes about it every now and then, but what should I do? There's nothing to do!! And I can at best get to the comp 2 times a day here, because mom's bf hogs the comp the rest of the time...

And when I'm bored I eat... and there's ALWAYS something to eat here. >___<; Unhealthy stuff... most of it. *sighs* Oh well... Hopefully I'll get back on track now... I'm starting to get seriously depressed here... with all the weightgain and stuff. It's so frustrating..... -_-

Hang in there!

I know I find it a lot easier to get back on track at my own house, sleeping in my own bed & raiding my own fridge, that I do while staying with others. Especially my parents who have no clue what healthy options are.

Good luck. Hope things improve for you.

Hey,
Thought I would say hello ...sounds like you are going through a really bad bout...

don't worry too much, things will pick up and you will be smiling again

I am new here... thus you wouldn't know me....

but keep your chin up ... don't fret ...


best wishes
natalie jo

Thanks Natalie and MoonGoddes for dropping in and saying hi along with some encuraging words. ^_^ I really aprichiate them.

Ok.... I'm going to have a good day today.... No junk or unnessesary foods today. Gonna have some lunch soon... one of my proteine shakes that is, yes... I'm gonna start up with the shakes again and then add a healthy dinner in the evening.

The shakes are boring, but effective.... I think I need to use them to kickstart this damned weightloss again.... >____<; *sighs* I'm so annoyed at myself... still. -_-; I'll continue to be annoyed at myself until I'm under 80 kg's again. >____> Horrible 80's.... hate that number....

Hej, Yoji!
I'm glad you found us. I hope the WLF can help you in its own way to reach your goals.
You're pretty focused on the number on the scales. I assure you that you are not a better or worse person no matter what the scale says. Now it says over 80 kilos, but inside you are exactly the same as when you were in middle school. Your weight does not make you a loser.
You can take control of your life. Try to do it in small steps. The road to a healthier you is difficult enough without you making it harder on yourself by trying to change everything at once.
From my own experience I recommend planning what you eat before you eat it. How many calories a day are you going for?
Julie

Hey~ Thanks for dropping by. ^__^
And I aim to eat between 1000-1200 cals a day. And to be honest I'm a really bad planner and I'm lazy to the extreme. ^_^;;
And the thing with me, it's either everytihng or nothing ya know? There's no in between. Either I'm going at it full force, sticking to the diet and no cheating, or I'm stuffing my face with anything and everything even if I'm not hungry.

And I know I shouldn't be overly focused on the weight... but I know it ain't mucle. XD So I fret. I REALLY don't want to be over 80 kg's Because if I pass it I'm no longer in the only 'overweight' scale. I'm in the obbese scale. >__>;; I know it might sound really silly and stuff, but I really don't like it. I know it's fat... bleh...

And the whole failiur thing, it's because I can't control myself. That's the worst part... I know I'm not a bad person and stuff, it's just frustrating not to be able to be in control over yourself.

I know I can do it.... but Why do I loose my motivation all the time? I know what I want... but I guess I'm just to lazy in the end.... But I'm gonna do my best now. ^__^

Better day!

Yaay me! I stayed within my calorie barrier! I'm so happy! Now I'm starting to feel I can do this again. ^__^ I need this motivation to STAY!
*Glares at the motivation* Don't ya dare run away!



I'm in a better mood now. Everything isn't so hopeless at the moment. ^_^
And I went for a brisk 45 minute walk today. Yaaay me again!

I'm gonna do my absolute best now!

XD And I told my big sis to ask me everyday over the MSN if I have been on my walk, and if I haven't she's gonna tell me to do it. XD I really like my big sis, she's supportive and stuff.... but she's thin... so I'm jealous of her.... But I'm gonna be thin as well! ....in a while. XD

I'm really looking forward to the day when I can stand besides her in a photo and not have us look like Laurel and Hardy. XD

Oh well! I'm of to bed now. Have to get up early in the morning and make a few annoying phonecalls. >___>; *Sighs* But it's something that has to be done. ^_^

Laters~

1) Do you ever get sooo sad that you don't want to do anything and don't have the motivation to do so?
2) Do you think in black and white, like all or nothing thinking?
3) Sorry to ask, but how have past relationships gone? and how are your relationships now?


You might suffer from border line personality disorder ..
thats what it sounds like ..
I do the same thing you do ..except I am getting help ..therapy to stop thinking black and white ...to stop getting down on myself, and afraid to fail ...its like your a carbon copy of how I have felt and am striving not to feel like...

your not going to be a failure ..don't focus on the negative ..don't be deterred if you cheat one night or two nights

get some antacids ..like Zantac to control the acid upset ..if you get any when you don't eat

sometimes I chew sugarless gum with aspertame in it ...if I am in a pinch and need something to feel like I am eating and the acid is bad

try to eat regular meals ..don't ditch your meals ..
just try ..don't beat yourself over the head if you can't stick with your plan completely for a while ..
it is a life change ..this diet will be forever ...
you need to look at is as an investment into a beautiful you .. you are already beautiful ... we see your beauty ...

don't sell yourself short by feeling defeat by eating a cookie or two ..or eating the whole bag of chips ..just wake up the next morning and try to go through another day and come back to this board

you might not be able to cut all bad food out of your diet right away ...so just eat some ... like one night you eat the whole bag ..well another night try to just eat partial ..slowly you will get off the junk food highs ...

trust me ..if I can do this ..so can you... we can do this together ...we all can do it together ...this is what this forum is for ..

best wishes
ttylater
always
natalie jo

stay strong ..

I have one explanation to why you have had a hard time controlling yourself. Your calorie limit for the day is way too low. For a person your size the daily calorie consumption is on average around 2600+ cals. That's counting everyday living and some activity. For weight-loss you should cut maximum of 25% off of that and, if you want, add exercise to make the deficit bigger. That would mean eating about 2000 cals a day. Walking 45 minutes a day would add 250 cals to your deficit. One pound of fat equals 3500 cals, so that way you would lose 1-2 pounds a week.
For reasons why you should eat more calories than you are now aiming for, read http://weight-loss.fitness.com/harsh...-gain-fat.html, http://weight-loss.fitness.com/nutri...ion-101-a.html, http://weight-loss.fitness.com/topic...aptations.html, just to mention a few..
And why do I think upping your calorie allowance would help you to stay in your diet? Well, your body has it's own way of surviving. If you feed it badly, it will tell you about it by making you peckish, hungry and finally forcing you to eat something "against your better judgement". If you feed it just a bit below the maintenance level, you are actually able to keep that going for long enough time to lose weight, and not trigger this "survival" mode which just simply throws your brain out of the window and goes by animal instinct alone.
How does that sound to you?
Julie

Hello ...
How are you doing?

Just felt like chatting ...

later
natalie jo