I can't even use good icons I have to admit I really am feeling crappy and quite negative at the moment

I just also want to add for the record it is not the weight loss than I am upset with definatley not these results are amazing something I couldn't have done otherwise I am upset with my lacxk of commitment to myself. I know we all lose weight at different paces so I am not really making the reference of anger the number of kg's, it is purely my anger is coz I deviated and have continued and I know there are so many people that can do this 100% it is them that I am envious off and that is what I want to aspire to.

I know exactly what I am doing I know exactly why I am doing coz last fortnight I got a get out of jail free card and I am taking advantage of myself. I am in a town and admittedly its quiet boring and there is nothing on tv but that is no excuse for what I just ate. I allowed myself to give in to a dinner invitation (dare I say I reckon i provoked it!!) and here is what I ate:

1/2 oysters kilpatrick
Linguine with prawn, snows peas, cream sauce and parmesan
Garlic bread

Yep all in one sitting I feel sick the food is just sitting in my stomach stuck I came back to my rrom and weighed myself that one meal added a wonderful 2.4kg back on and do you know what I can feel it. I am not even close to the end I am 30kiloes overweight according to charts I am considered obese why is my brain so stupid enought to believe that a 10kg loss makes me invinsible to food!! It doesn't I know it doesn't I have done this hundreds of times before only to end up putting on more than I started.

Ok so all the moving around and hustle and bustle has made me lazy i didn't want to pull out the scales coz i couldn't be bothered packing it away again coz i have been changing accomodation each night. Well that was the wrong thing to do it means i have deviated for a third day in a row. So tonight I pulled out my scales weighed and packed my food I have a bottle of water in the freezer to keep the chiller bag cool I will be on a 6hr drive in the outback) and I will never make this mistake again. Well not like I have, I am seriouslu bloated and can feel the weight has come back on I hate myself for it, but I know I have made a mistake and I know what I have done wrong. My results for this month will only reflect this and I have to accept that. I can also pin point the moment it happened, it happened almost two weeks ago when I forgot about the one most important thing, I forgot about "me". So now its all about me again no more worrying about ruining someone elses holiday or about a colleague eating dinner on their own, I am sure I matter more than that. I want to apologise to myself for letting myself down, and to those who have continued to be supportive everyday that I have failed.

Was good today from start to end .. I am a still a loser in other areas eg finances and smoking .. please let my perspective prevail for once in these other areas and get me where I want to be

i have missed u dear suzie! i am sad to hear you having been feeling so great!!! I hope today has been better for u. im awfully sorry i havent posted, i have been horribly ill and no where near a computer for a long time now (god it has been horrible, i am addicted to the internet) any other news or goss? finances and smoking are vices we can all work on later by the way
thinking of you!!
MEL

MEL!!! your back, I was getting worried, I kept checking in to your diary. I am very happy to see you are back now hope you are feeling a lot better. Oh the smoking situation needs to stop I noticed something on a tooth, and I need to stop.

The program has been good I have been bad but i think i am back on track now, I have almost lost a total of 12kg, I had about two weeks of being bad which I guess cost me about 4kg. But I will be doing my best to not let that happen again.

It's really nice to have you back (hehe I am just so excited to see you back agin)

how is your boyfriend is he better as well?

wow 12 is amazing!!! i have just maintained my weight loss and not lost anything more for the last few weeks its horrible isnt it? when u know u could have lost more!!! the boyfriend is ok, although he is leaving me for 3 months so i have to REALLLLLLY kick up my game so i can surprise him with my bikini body when he gets back at the end of summer!! i really really really want to do this before he gets back and thats mid feb! yay im glad im back 2

So its the start of week 8 and me official end of Week 7 weigh in us 82kg, so that is a 600gram loss from my last weigh in. I need to be grateful for at lest some kind of loss the amount and the extent of the deviations were very bad and I have cost myself a fair bit of loss. So no whinging, although last night I did start crying for no reason I don't know if it was because I was alone, or if it was because I wanted to eat bad food, but I was crying and it was that draining crying. I realy hope I see the 70s by the end of week 8, it will really help my mental state at the moment I need to be able to go in the next month with some type of favourable result.

you have done so well though! gosh i cant even imagine what it would be like to be thinking about getting into the 70's!!! im JUST in the 80's and you are already almost out hehe you lucky hardworking thing! im so sure now that we have each other to complain 2 we'l feel much better im sorry that you were upset, i know exactly how u feel now onto more positive things! tell me about the differences you are noticing in yourself!!!!! i want to hear!

Hi Mel, I am so so happy I have you back you are the best diary friend a girl could ask for. We are now in this together I have the same amount to lose as you do and I want a bikini bod to so I can enjoy the summer ona beach instead of my air conditioned home!.

WEll so far my skin is much better and clearer (though I have picked at none existant things and made it all a little blotchy I hope it clears before I get back home at the end of the week) Another good thing is that I am slowly moving back into clothes that are size L and away from XL and I still haven't dared to try new jeans or anything I almost feel like I want these ones to be falling off before I even go there. I know there are some size 16's out there that are so small they dishearten me so quickly and I can dishearten myself enough as it is I don't need a pair of jeans doing it. Mt boyfriend now knows I am ona program. While you have been gone we had a massive blow up, I was on the verge of ending it, but now we are on the way to working through it so when, I get home next week I have a week off so we may go away for a couple of days together. We or should I say have really put up with alot from him, and I got to the point where I had had enough, and he finally realised so at this stage I am really just sitting by to see if he is going to work to keep me, if it doesn't change than I am going to have to leave. But anyway that is sad and something he needs to work on I just need to focus on me.

So thats about it really, I am at 82kg today so I am 2kg away from the weight I was say 2 years ago, and then when I get to 74kg, I will be at my pre boyfriend weight (that will be a big one) and if I get to the 60's that will be my 7 years ago pre Europe weight when I was a happy freelancing 22 year old. Geez I feel so old now I know I am not, but with a milestone birthday of 30 looming next year, I just feel old so this weight shift, some mental changes I am hoping to feel like a young 30 instead of an old 30.

How bout you mel how are you going? Be sure to keep me posted on what you are doing. Both of us should be glose to goal by the end of ar at least early next year, can you imagine it will be awesome. Also if me and my boy are still together I would love to go for my first trip to NZ and for his family to see me as I would like them to see me. I already meet his mum here, and I want her to see me again, looking and feeling better.


Thanks again Mel, its like you have injected life back into me I think I was really missing your company here.

Suzie - Hi sweets. I thought I would come over for a visit. Sorry to hear you are having a rocky time. That BF of yours should realise what a fantastic gal you are & do whatever he can to keep you! As for 30 being old!! What does that make me at 54? Bloody ancient! LOL. You have a wonderful life ahead of you & it will be. You seem like a very kind & compassionate person with a great sense of humour. I like your attitude & I like you. Keep smiling and stick to it! You'll get to the 60's in no time at all & then look out! Take care, xo Cate.

Suzie!!! There is no way you are old! not even close. I even guessed you were closer in age to me so I can promise you when it finally rolls around (ages away) you will def be a young 30

Wouldnt it be ever so nice to have a nice bikini body! i have pulled out a few from when i was slimmer at 16 and man are they fabulous!! i cant even remember having the confidence to wear such things haha they are now hanging on our wall to inspire me, joe laughs and doesn't quite understand why they are there but golly i know it every time i reach for something nice to eat haha

I completely know what u mean about the clothes, u feel u havent achieved anything until yr clothes are hanging off you! i feel exactly the same, but when i finally did get around 2 buying new jeans (just one pair to keep me going) i thought they were tight and a bit small but lord a few days ago when i was in a hurry i put on a pair of my old jeans and they were SOO large. much too big and i felt overjoyed!!!

im sorry to hear about your boyfriend being troublesome! boys are such an issue aren't they. i dont know how im going to feel with joe away for 3 whole months. we are stuck in your kind of situation sometimes so perhaps this will be good for us, a maker or breaker. i hope your boyfriend wises up to your fantasticness!!! you are lovely!

i was dreadfully missing your company too and just talking again has actually really given me the boost i needed to keep going. thank you so much!!!

where are your boyfriends parents from? it would be nice 2 see my weightloss buddy when we are both slim and sexy!!! imagine how fun that would be

hows the travel going? how much longer are u away for? im so excited for us and our weightloss yay!!! we only have 20 kgs 2 go. IMAGINE how nice it will be.