I'm sure you would willingly go..lol. I saw some travel commercials for PR a few days ago. It looks beautiful. I'll have to drag H there some day.

Well I think that I need to come to the terms that I have actually gained some weight since MIL has gotten here.
I actually saw a good number last week on my scale (the one on my ticker) but have not seen it since. In fact I have actually been hovering at 190-191 all week.
I do know that my legs are a bit swollen from not drinking my water like I should.
And think that I have the water thing figured out. MIL (and most Puerto Ricans for that matter) love love love their coffee. For the most part I am not much of a big coffee drinker but everytime we would either visit her or she would visit us my coffee consumption would go way up. And this time is no exception. Just that she is not leaving and now I am drinking coffee all the time.
Besides the coffee having the obvious caffiene in it they also like to "doctor" it up. Usually with whole milk, sweeteners, and a dash of cocoa on top. It is soooo tasty that I can barely resist. And now that I am on a coffee kick my water kick has gone out the window.
So I need to cut back on the coffee and up the water.
Easier said then done I think. hahaha
I am going to give myself until next Wednesday to see if I can get my weight to dip back down at least close to my ticker. If it does not by then, then I will be changing it in an upward motion. I don't want to do that so feel motivated to get things going.
The sun is shining here after a day of raining. The temps are still a bit chilly but I will take sunshine anyday that I can get it.
Hope you all have a great day.

Hi Dawn

I'm pleased that you have been having some sunshine.

It sounds like you have been getting really exhausted - try to find a bit of time for you because total exhaustion has a way of making us ill to make us take a rest.

It sounds good that there is an option for some different work at the YMCA that would give you more time with the family. I hope that it all works out for you.

I'm sorry that the surplus pounds are hanging on. I think that many of us are looking forward to the happy day when we will once again see our low weight on the scale (never mind head for a new low). It does sound like coffee is a culprit for you. I hope that you manage to tame that demon that makes you drink it - ignoring the water that saintly Dawn knows is best. It sounds so like my own struggle - Margaret vs the honey shreddies. I just weighed and put some more on a plate and then poured them back into the box - determined that I had eaten enough of them already today.

Take care
Love
Margaret

Hi Dawn.

You'll dip back down..You're a strong - beautiful lady, and you can do anything.

Happy TGIF and have a Great Weekend!

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I told your MIL the same thing about her place in PR!

Last night was a blast (well after all the exercise that is.) I'm sure I burned just as many cals sitting at Duke's as I did all night with Kelly. You really had me cracking up!

Oh and can't wait 'til tomorrow night. It will be so much fun, just the 4 of us! I can only imagine. And I'm sure somehow the guys will try to wiggle in the gun n' knife show...LOL

There is no way we are going to let them wiggle their way into the gun and knife show!!!! NO WAY! LOL
It'll be a blast. Can't wait.

Oh that would be fun!!


Let's not dwell on such things...


I told my dh what your dh said and he was like, "oh really?" LOL I think he is enamored with the idea. But I told him there was no way!!

So we going to catch a flick?

Well still floundering around in my unmotivated state.
Pretty sure that maybe it has something to do with my TOM.
Which in and of itself is absolutely not a good enough excuse. I am disgusted with myself.
My behavior is really reminding me of Paul in the the book of Romans. To paraphrase:
Knowing the things that I should not do but yet I still do them.

Today was a semi-busy day. I headed over to the Y this morning to do my class. Which by the way appears to be dwindling in attendees day by day. I am not sure if it is due to my attitude lately or more to the fact that as the weather gets nicer outside the attendance at the Y tends to slow down. So much so that usually in the summer months they don't even offer 1/2 the classes that they normally would. Since most people are either gone on vacations all the time or just to busy with all their summer activities.
Anyway I got my suit on and headed out to the pool only to find out that they had (the girl in charge of the deck in the morning) found someone to replace me on Monday's. Which I am most happy for since let's face it I am never sure just how many hours of sleep I will have on any giving Monday. But it would have been nice if someone could have told me about it so that I wouldn't have wasted time going there this morning. I could have laid back down and got in a decent nap.
So that blew the morning all to poo.
I had about an hour to myself in the afternoon.
But once the kids got out of school it was GAME ON!!!
It seemed as if everyone had to be somewhere all afternoon. And if it wasn't that they all had to be there at the same time then it was one appointment right after the other.
I didn't get a chance to sit down and relax until 8pm. By that time I had already eaten 3 1/2 slices of pizza and 2 cups of coffee/espresso.
And of course I didn't have any form of exercise today or any water.
~It has been over an hour since I wrote the beginning of this journal entry~
It's funny that I would be writing this right now. Dh wanted to watch another one of the Financial Peace videos that we have been doing every week so I had to stop in the middle of my journaling.
The guy who is teaching the video Dave Ramsey, said an interesting thing. And it really hit home with me. Here lately I don't think that I have been "feeling" very happy. I have noticed it on and off. Mostly when I haven't had any time to myself.
He said that Happiness can be like a big bully on the playground of life. It will stand right there in front of you and draw a line in the dirt and dare you to cross it. Telling you that once you get to whatever you think it is that you want, whatever it is that you think is going to make you happy, once you have it Happiness will move that line 3 feet away from you and taunt you again. Telling you that you must have this or that to be happy.
This is the interesting quote that he said
"Happiness is where you are right now........you just need to take hold of it."
I think that for so long I was "working" towards when my MIL would get here that now that she is here there is nothing to work towards.
There is no far off surprise person to shock with how I will look in a few months. No one who hasn't seen me recently and already know how I look.
I think that without even realizing it I gave up.
I gave up.
Sad actually. All along I have been saying how I was only ever doing this for me. And I know that it definately started out like that. But as time went on and people kept the compliments flowing in I felt confident about myself. And now that things have slowed down and so have the compliments.........well I let my motivation be wrapped up in what other people thought.
And I just plain and simply gave up.
Because even though I was hitting new numbers I wasn't ever really happy with where I was at.
I was always looking for the next 5 pounds.
I wasn't enjoying the fact that this is the healthiest that I have been in I can't remember. All I kept doing was beating myself up for not getting "to the next level".
So from now on I am going to be happy. I am going to take joy in where I am at. Even with a 4 pound gain (at least I think it is about that much) I am still at a better place then I have been in the last 15 years. I am going to start loving where I am today so that I can enjoy and love where I am tomorrow.
Because regardless of anything there is joy for me right now being 190 pounds. Because that is a loss of 40 pounds! Hard fought and won pounds!
They didn't get there over night and they certainly won't go away overnight either.
So here is to a new attitude.
Not starting tomorrow because that would be a cop-out. Starting right now! At 11pm at night! Today!
I will take hold of my happiness.

LOL!!

I agree with Margaret that you definitely need to get more sleep. Not only is it important for your weight loss, but it's important for your overall health. Make it a priority.

I find your thoughts about why you've given up interesting. You aren't enjoying the now enough, whereas I have been too complacent with the now--sort of resting on my laurels..lol.

Thanks for stopping by!
I know I need more sleep. In fact I should have gone to bed about an hour ago. But this is about the only time here lately that I can get on the 'puter without having someone NEED me for something. Hence the reason why I have been so sporadic lately when it comes to updating.
As for sitting on my laurels I am sure that there is a bit of that in there as well. And the fact that everyday puts me at an image that I can't remember seeing in such a long time that I have been a bit complacent.
I am sure that with continued weight-loss I will continue to "look better".
But when one can't remember physically what that looks like it is rather easy to just sorta sit and take stock. LOL
But now that we are both determined to get up off of our Laurels something will finally change for the both of us.

Omigosh, I snorted so loud re: the comic comments.

Way To Go Dawn for the 40 lb. LOSS!

Way To Go for your statements in the last paragraph as well!



We will reach our goals one step and one day at a time.

<3 Luv Ya!

I hope you are getting plenty of rest (but not the kind that involves laurels).

Yup, it's a good thing you can't make it tomorrow, b/c my feet are soo not recovered yet..lol. You would've had to push me around in a wheelchair.

lol Kimberly.

<3 Thinking of ya Dawn!

Hope ta chat w/ya tomorrow sweetie!

Hi Dawn

I found this so funny and so true. Yet again today I have had too many honey shreddies.

I am pleased that you have come up with an understanding of the emotional side of your weightloss situation. You have to focus on the achievements that you have to date. It is brilliant that you have the healthiest body that you have had in 15 years. Forty pounds is a lot of weight. Next time you lose track of how much - look at the butter shelf at what 80 half pound packs of butter looks like. Imagine it added to your body. At the gym - lift something weighing 40 pounds. You were carrying that 24/7. This is no minor accomplishment.

We all want more of course - but it is brilliant that you are now going to find happiness in the things already done.

If you honestly feel that surprising people by your weightloss accomplishments would motivate you towards more - there is nothing to stop you from finding new people to impress. The fact is that if you meet new people there is nothing to stop you from turning the conversation towards how much thinner, fitter and healthier you are now. You could carry your before photo with you - because there really is a huge difference. I suppose that I am just so focused on my project that it is a struggle for me not to mention it to someone. I am currently trying hard not to mention it to a group of people and it is pure torture!

Take care
Love
Margaret

I know just where you are coming from. It always seems that we reach for things to make us happy whether it is material things or idea things (such as weight loss.) I am the same way. Always wanting things, but then once I get them I'm not as happy as I thought I would be.

I actually read an article last night in a magazine that said basically the same as the finance guru did. And one piece I pulled out of it was to focus on a positive that happened that day. Whether it was your child telling you you are the best mommy ever or if someone smiled at you out of the blue (which was also another tip, to just smile at strangers and such...you know promoting happiness will make you a happier person.)