I'm a stress eater. Big time. So I cracked today and had another piece of cake, which means I get to cut back on dinner tonight, a LOT.

What's stressing me? The husband's grandpa is in BAD shape, and we just found out he won't make it through the day. The husband's driving a truck back from around Stephenville, and will be in around 2 p.m. I may or may not be going to watch a 78 year old man die here in a little bit.

Yeah, a little stressful. Considering my history especially. I'm 26 years old. My mom died very suddenly in January 2003, only a few months before my college graduation. She'd taken the day off for the event a year in advance, but didn't make it. We watched her lay partially comatose for two days before she had a massive stroke that rendered her brain dead. Also, I have no grandparents left, either. I lost the last one in November of last year. All I've got is my dad, who's a cross country truck driver and I never see him.

I hate losing people, and this new, strong family I've become a part of when my husband and I got married on July 4 is falling apart now. So yeah, it's stressful.


Carnation drink/2% milk = 230 cal, 6 g. fat
Cereal/2% milk = 290 cal, 8 g. fat
Apple = 90 calories, 0 fat
Quaker Oat granola bar = 90 calories, 2 g. fat

Planned dinner (if it happens)
red beans = 180 calories (for three 1/4 cup servings), 0 fat
rice = 200 calories, .5 grams fat (for 1 cup)
Cornbread (because the husband says so) = 340 calories (WoW), 9 g. fat

Before the cake I was at 1,420 calories and 27 g. fat.

No way to know how many calories are in the cake, since it was made at our local bakery. So I added 350 calories for the approximately 1 inch wide by 2 inch long piece of sheet cake, with vanilla icing. And 12 grams of fat.

That approximation will take me to 1,770 calories and 39 g. fat.

So no cornbread for me. That'll take me back down to 1,430 calories and 30 grams of fat. With the workout this morning (6 miles on the bike at resistance levels ranging from 1-15), activities with work today and (in theory) taking photos at a JV football game tonight, I should be fine.

But I hate being so weak.

So we went to the hospital yesterday for the husband's grandpa. We left there around 7 p.m., and had to grab a quick bite to eat somewhere. We ended up at a Chinese buffet place, where I had some rice (not sure what kind...it had peas and carrots in it), a couple of pieces of catfish and a couple of small pieces of sweet and sour chicken without sauce. I'm not a big Chinese food fan. For dessert I had two triangles of watermelon (small), and some Jello cubes. Did the best I could under the circumstances.

His grandpa died at around midnight, and that's where the complication comes in today.

I woke up at 6 a.m. to get ready for an early board meeting. My sister-in-law called a little after to tell me the news. Called the husband and told him. Not sure when the visitation will be yet, or the funeral. We're thinking visitation tomorrow and funeral Sunday, but won't know 'til sometime this afternoon.

My plan, before all this happened, was to go to my meeting this morning, work 'til noon or 1 p.m., then go work out, go home, rest, eat a quick, early dinner and leave at 4:30 or 5 to cover a football game in a town about 2 hours away from here.

But this thing with his grandpa has thrown my entire day out of whack. The family might get together tonight, and if so I'll need to be there. Can't be there and at a football game at the same time. Only nobody knows for sure if they're getting together, and won't 'til this afternoon sometime. So I don't know what to do!!!

All I've eaten today is a cereal bar (120 cal, 4 g. fat) because it's all I had time for this morning. I've got to go get checks at 10:30 and won't be back 'til 11:30, which is half my lunch break gone. I'm thinking I'll be going to the game tonight...maybe I should just stick with the original plan. I hate this stuff.

Well after all the visitations, visiting, funerals, food and activity, I'm back at work, and not one pound heavier. Thank goodness. It stunk not getting to work out yesterday (gym was closed due to the holiday), but I was back on the treadmill this morning. Starting this week I'm doing one day of treadmill and weights, and the recumbent bike and weights the next. I was dreading getting up and going this morning, but once I got there all was ok.

Not time for a big update, because I've got a TON of stuff to catch up on from yesterday. Here's hoping for another good week!!

And I mean that in a good way. Workouts are going well, other than the fact that I totally managed to pull my entire calf muscle on something yesterday. Moving around helps it feel better, so I went ahead and worked out this morning, on the recumbent bike.

I did a program, resistance from 1 to 15 at varying levels and, according to the bike, burned 175 calories. Then I lifted weights. My leg felt fine after I worked out, but has hurt after just sitting at my desk like I have had to all day long.

I was also able to update my ticker today...214 and going down! It felt GOOD to see the "You've lost 6 pounds" stuff on the ticker. It seems like things are going SO slowly. But then I think, other than the 5 pound gain when I began working out, I've lost one pound a week for every single week I've been working out. Whoo hoo! I think I need to be about 160 for my height, etc., so I've got 54 pounds more to lose. One more year and I'll be doing good. It seems like so long, but I also know losing weight as slowly as I am also helps you keep it off longer.

Here's hoping that's true!!!

slow and steady wins the race... so you're doing great!!

Thanks for the encouragement Maleficent!!! it's always appreciated.

Now for today's update...

Well, since my calf was still hurting a LOT last night, I decided to wait 'til this afternoon to go and work out so I can talk to the physical therapist. It's feeling a LOT better though, so I guess I'll see how it feels at 4 p.m. when I get out of here to go sweat. Sleeping in for an extra hour or so was GOOOOOOOD this morning, too.

I've checked my calorie totals for the day, and I'm doing good. A little low, actually (only 1,080 calories), so I've got room for some snacks in here today. Yay. Healthy only, of course.

I'm surprised I made it through the weekend without overdosing on desserts. Had to cover an event here in town, with desserts out the wazoo. Only ate a couple of cookies. And THEN I finally had my wedding shower, complete with plenty of cake. But I managed to lose a couple of pounds, throughout the week, anyway. Whoo hoo...down to 212!!! It's been a while since I saw that number. Even longer since I saw a 1 at the start of my weight. It's seeming like that goal is finally attainable. AND my favorite pair of pants is even getting too big now. Never thought I'd be so happy about my favorite pants not fitting, but I'm THRILLED

I missed my workout this morning due to cramping and headache issues. You know why. I've got to pick it up this afternoon, though, which gives me an excuse to leave work early!!

I've been stinking on my food intake today. Horribly enough, all I've had today is a banana. I have NO food at home for lunch, either. Have to run by the store and get something, even if it's just cereal, to eat.

As far as food intake, I've noticed an obvious difference in the amount of food I'm able to eat at any one time. Before I started all this nearly seven weeks ago, it was NOTHING for me to go to Olive Garden and eat an entire plate of lasagna with breadsticks. We went to Olive Garden Friday night, and I ordered their five cheese ziti baked in a cheesy marinara sauce. SO good. I was only able to eat half the plate, whereas before it would've been all gone. So that's a good thing. I'm actually, and for the first time in a LONG time, able to realize when I'm full and stop eating while I'm ahead. Or not stuffed. And it's a good feeling. Even though I left the other half of my pasta in the to-go box on the table when we left.

The one thing that's stressing me out is eating out. My husband and I like to eat out once a week, and sometimes it happens twice, depending on our weekend activities. Some places I can find a plain grilled chicken sandwich or something, but others its hard. I'm having to just make sure I don't eat too much of the bad stuff.

But I think I'm doing good. I'll be better today after lunch. Gosh I'm hungry.

So today, or this morning rather, I go to work out. I ride about 5.5 miles on the recumbent bike, sweat like a hog, then go to lift weights. I get pretty much entirely done with my weight routine when the lady working this morning tells me, "You know if you'd do that slower, it'd do more for you." I was lifting weights NO differently than I have every single weekday for the past seven weeks, and someone FINALLY decides to pay attention and tell me I'm doing something wrong.

So on the rest of the weights I was lifting, I slowed down. And guess what...I felt it more. Maybe it should've just been common sense on my part. But it never crossed my mind I was doing things in too big a rush.

So then I come to work. We have our Friday meeting and then I leave to take pictures at the pep rally. As soon as I'm done with that I've got to go pick up checks at the main office, about half an hour away. So I leave and, right before I get there, they call me and say everyone wants pizza, and we're all going in on it. Great. So I get the checks and then get the pizza from Pizza Hut (my favorite of ALL time).

I'm riding back with a large pepperoni lover's pizza there beside me, stressing out about what I'm going to do. Am I going to eat this pizza or go home for lunch? GAH! I finally got back, pizza intact, and brought it in. I ate ONE piece, and one piece only. I wanted more, and still do since it's literally right outside my office door. But I ate only one.

Tonight I've got to leave at 6:30 p.m. for a football game, so I've got to cram dinner in beforehand. I think I may go to Subway, for an oven-roasted chicken sandwich. I eat 'em pretty plain...I think I'll be fine on calories. Today, just because I've been so busy, I'm only at 650 calories and 21 grams of fat. So I've got room to spare. I can see myself ending up with a roasted chicken sandwich from Subway for dinner tonight. Yep. That's what I think...

Has anyone else had this problem? I've been doing SO good working out and eating right, but this morning it was like that ALL just went away. Maybe I was just tired from a long, stressful weekend, but I did NOT want to go work out, and felt like I was slacking off while I was there. I mean, there's a TON of reasons why I should be motivated. The scale numbers just keep on dropping (I'm waiting a couple more days for the "official" weight to change the slider), I'm feeling physically better and my husband says he notices a difference. But I don't know....it's burnout maybe.

Can anyone help!?

....as far as help with my lack of motivation. Guess I'll just have to motivate myself. I know more people would post responses on my diary if I posted to theirs, maybe, but I don't know what to say. I don't have a clue what I'm doing, or if I'm doing anything right, and don't want to tell anyone something wrong. So I guess I'll keep talking to myself....

I'm a little worried that maybe I'm losing weight TOO fast now. The first week or so, I gained five pounds. Then I lost that five and about two more by the end of seven weeks. Seven pounds, seven weeks. No problem. Well, now since I weighed in at 211 last week, I'm down to 207. Is that too much, too fast?

Some weeks you will lose more, some weeks you won't even if you are doing the same routine. I think what counts is the "average" lbs lost for a past few weeks.
As for motivation.. you can read some other people's diary's and see their successes and struggles and it could be greatly motivating. I know it helped me, if they can do it, I can do it. You can see menu's posted, different views and different method's of losing the weight.
I have been at this for a year now, and I still have days like you when I feel like not watching my calories and just not even bother exercising. Then I just tell myself, ok, just today let's stick to this plan , don't think that you have to do this tomorrow or the next day, just concentrate on today and give your best.
Good luck on your journey
Hajni

Thanks! I'll start paying more attention to everyone else's diaries, and maybe that'll really boost my motivation level. Thanks so much for your help!!

Arr, me hearty, it's talk like a pirate day today, enjoy some grog today. and try to have yourself a good day...

Pirate day, huh....yo ho ho and a bottle of....um....water? That's all I've been drinking these days....

Today will be a rough one. Worked out hard this morning (up to nearly seven miles). Last night my husband informed me, though, that he's noticing definition in my arms. He says it's probably since I've been doing the weights slower. I think it's because he's an unobservant man that he's just now noticing.

But back to today...I hate the dentist, and I'm going this afternoon. Last time I went was two years ago because I seriously have to be sedated if they're doing any work. Like literally....someone has to drive me home. Today's the checkup portion, but I think I'm getting a cavity they may want to fill. And if so, I will absolutely and quite literally cry. It's just the sound and smell of the dentist's office that gets to me....about to cry thinking about it.

Last time I had any dental work done, they messed up on my fillings and, while they kept trying to fix them, I literally couldn't eat anything hard or drink anything cold for 2 weeks. I lost 20 pounds. That's not the best way to do it, folks. I was miserable. I hope that doesn't happen again this time...I'm SO nervous...

Dinner tonight is going to be a challenge, too. The husband wants me to fix lasagna for me, him and friends. Yay. By the end of today I'll have consumed roughly 1,600 calories and 70 grams of fat. WAAAAAAY too much fat. Without the hamburger meat in the lasagna, I'd be fine. There are, according to my online findings, about 350 calories and 25 grams of fat in 1/2 cup of hamburger meat. Maybe I can cut back on the meat in at least part of the lasagna, and stick to that part to cut down on my calories and fat.

Any other suggestions?